Under Pressure
by rinny08
Summary: ON HIATUS-Twenty years of love, hate, and everything in between. Sirius Black/Severus Snape, various other pairings. Mostly canon compliant, except a few minor details. Rating has increased to 'M'.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello hello. I'm **_**back**_**! It's been over two years since my last fic (crazy, right?) and I'm heading somewhere a little different. New pairing as well as a new generation…or the old generation, I guess. Anyway, read on. **

**Disclaimer: I owe all of this to J.K. Rowling and her incomparable imagination. I wish I were half as talented as she is.**

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_**One**_

A slow, lazy grin spread across Sirius Black's young, attractive face. His hair was really too long to be practical, but practicality was rarely something Sirius considered. Strike that. Practicality was _never_ something Sirius considered. He was reckless and rich, not to mention clever and handsome. If he couldn't get something using his brain, he utilised sex appeal and daring, and if all else failed, he had piles of gold sitting in a Gringotts vault.

He was the sort of person that oozed charm and charisma, and people gravitated to him. How could they not? His laugh was infectious, lighting up his otherwise arrogant face, making his grey eyes dance. He could talk his way out of any sticky situation, and turn it into an amusing anecdote. He was _popular_.

How Severus Snape detested that word. It carried so much weight. Friends, money, status: in other words, an easy life. Black need only wink and have the undivided attention of every female in a twenty-foot radius. He just had to casually flick his hair out of his eyes and grin apologetically at a professor and he was granted a pardon.

If Severus were to wink, it would be generally assumed he was having a muscle spasm. His hair didn't possess the ability to flick, even at its cleanest. He didn't remember how to grin. He doubted he'd ever known how. What did he have to grin about? Ugly and poor, lonely and miserable people didn't smile. His father was a drunk and his mother…his mother was the most intelligent woman he knew, and the most stupid. Eileen and Tobias Snape were two people who ought to have never gotten married, let alone reproduced. Orion and Walburga Black were probably equally miserable, but at least their misery came with wealth and Pureblood status.

It was not easy for Severus, being a poor half-blood in a house full of rich, Pureblooded Slytherins. But six years ago to the day he had begged the Sorting Hat to place him in Slytherin, and he would live with that choice. Slytherins had everything Severus didn't, everything he coveted. He was determined to be one of them, knowing one day it would take him places.

"Oh, look," Sirius sneered, "It's Snivellus."

Potter, Lupin, and pathetic Pettigrew looked at him through the glass window of their compartment. There was a shiny Prefect badge on Lupin's shabby robes. He'd forgotten Dumbledore had named the spineless Lupin a Prefect. Severus had spent a rather pleasant (or as pleasant as could be, in Spinner's End) summer away from the Marauders, as they so childishly named themselves.

In fact, he hadn't seen them since the afternoon following the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. the previous May, the afternoon when his hatred for James Potter had grown exponentially; the afternoon when he lost his best friend forever.

Severus did not linger outside their compartment. He knew better than that. He didn't need to stand here in the middle of the corridor, completely unprotected. If they wanted to attack him, he would at least surround himself with Slytherins first.

Severus found Avery, Mulciber, Macnair and Regulus Black a few compartments up the corridor. He was not particularly close with any of his housemates, but they knew he was intelligent so they let him hang around.

They were speaking in whispers and fell silent when he entered.

"Severus," Avery acknowledged him with a nod. "Have you spoken with Lucius recently?" Avery leaned forward in his seat as Severus settled into the one opposite him.

"Of course." Lucius had been a seventh year during Severus' first. He was like the older brother Severus didn't have. They were actually distantly related, a Prince had married a Malfoy fifty years previous. Severus dark eyes darted toward Regulus Black. He was a year below them. "What's he doing here?"

"Relax, Severus." Mulciber chuckled, "Reg is fine. Not at all like his brother."

"I find that difficult to believe."

"If I were like my brother, I would have hexed you already." Reg's eyes narrowed.

Severus chose to ignore this comment.

"Anyway," Mulciber said quickly, "Lucius is going to be at Hogwarts next week. He wants to meet with us."

"I know," Severus glared at the sandy-haired boy. Mulciber had large, round eyes and a somewhat lopsided face. All of the features on the left side appeared to be higher than on the right. It was rather unnerving to look at him for very long, but Severus managed.

"Reg doesn't."

"Perhaps that is for the best."

"That's not your decision, Snape." Walden Macnair spoke for the first time. His clear blue eyes bored into Severus' face until the younger boy was forced to look away. Macnair was a seventh year and he always used the small age difference to his advantage.

Avery and Mulciber shifted uncomfortably in their seats and Reg glanced out the window at the passing countryside. None of them wanted to admit how much they disliked Macnair. He was a skilled intimidator and he got off on making everyone around him feel inferior.

Mulciber was generally good at mediating disagreements, but he didn't dare cross Macnair. And Avery was a malleable, pathetic flobberworm that clung to the most powerful wizard in the room. He would be a good fit for this particular recruitment.

A flash of auburn in his peripheral vision caught Severus' attention. He turned his head, but it wasn't Lily, just the friendly witch with the food trolley.

* * *

"Anything from the trolley, dears?"

Sirius, James and Peter immediately began digging into their pockets. Remus remained still.

"Nothing for you, Moony?" Sirius frowned. "I can loan you—

"It's not the money," Remus shook his head. He looked rather ill.

"Getting to be that time of the month," James guessed.

"You know it is. Like you haven't already planned what we're doing this month, Prongs."

Peter squealed in delight, "What are we doing?"

"Calm down, Wormy. Don't wet yourself." Sirius rolled his eyes at James. "You know we can't talk about it here."

Lily Evans appeared in the doorway of the compartment, a cheerful smile on her face and a shiny Prefect badge pinned to her robes. Rather than messing his hair the way he usually did, James hand jumped in a futile attempt to flatten it.

"Hi, Remus," Lily said, pointedly ignoring Sirius and James, "How was your summer?"

"Oh," Remus looked surprised at being addressed by Lily, and glanced at James as if asking permission to answer. "It was all right. Yours?"

"My summer was lovely, thank you. Shall we walk up to the Prefect's meeting together?"

"Erm, okay."

James glared at Remus as he followed Lily out of the compartment, and Severus glared at them as they walked past in the corridor. It was rare Severus Snape and James Potter ever felt the same sentiment at the same time.

"Oh relax, Prongs." Sirius grinned. "D'you really want to be a _Prefect_," Sirius spat the word derisively, "to get in her knickers?"

James flung a Pumpkin Pasty at Sirius, hitting him squarely in the chest. Sirius shrugged and unwrapped the pasty, taking a bite with a grin.

"Thanks. My favourite." He said, with his mouth full.

"You're such a prick." James snapped. "You know it's more than that."

"He's in love with her." Peter said earnestly.

"Thank you for that clarification, Wormtail," Sirius said sarcastically, "but I don't think he has any business being in love with her. She's a snob—

"She is _not_!" James protested.

"She is. Not to mention she was friendly with _Snivellus_. So she's definitely touched in the head too."

James glowered at Sirius, before opening a Chocolate Frog and biting off its head viciously.

"How do you manage to shag so many girls? They should _hate_ you." James said, swallowing the frog's head.

"Obviously not," Sirius grinned and flipped his hair out of his eyes. Harmony Greengrass, a Ravenclaw, was walking by the compartment at that moment and sent him her best come-hither look.

"Bloody hell." James muttered.

"If you'll excuse me, gentlemen," Sirius smirked.

Sirius slung his arm around Harmony's shoulders and they walked toward the loos at the back of the train. They passed his idiot brother sitting in a compartment with Snivellus. Regulus narrowed his eyes as he passed and Sirius knew his mother would know about his Hogwarts Express hook-up by the next morning.

Snape's onyx eyes shot him a look that was pure hatred and Sirius actually had to repress a shiver. He'd never admit it, but he suspected Snape could be truly terrifying if he tried. Not that it changed the fact he was still a greasy git with an overlarge nose and a penchant for sticking it in the wrong places.

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**A/N: Review, please. **

**Preview for Chapter Two: In which Sirius and Severus get themselves into trouble. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Two**_

Sirius was scheming. It had started when he spotted Snape on the train, and when James brought up this month's adventure. Snape was always too busy sticking his overlarge nose into Remus' business, trying to determine where he was going every month. Probably Snape had managed to figure it out after five years. It would be entertaining, Sirius thought, to let Snape see what he was dealing with.

Sirius grinned.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" James nudged him with his shoulder.

"Nothing, yet. Just an idea."

"Do you think Lily's interested in Moony?" Sirius followed James' gaze to where Lily was talking enthusiastically to Remus next to the fire.

"Maybe. He's not nearly as much of a prat as you." Sirius teased. "Even your parents like me better."

"Aw, shut it." James scowled.

"Remus would never do anything with her. Pack mentality, and all that."

"I don't think that has anything to do with pack mentality."

"Well, whatever. Friends first, girls second."

James only shook his head (rather pitifully, Sirius thought) and recommenced staring at Lily.

* * *

The full moon would be rising this evening.

"About time for you to make your regular disappearance, isn't it, Lupin?" Snape sneered across the greenhouse.

"Fuck off, Snivellus." James spat.

"Language, Mr. Potter! Five points from Gryffindor."

Sirius smirked to himself. He pulled Snape aside as the bell rang, signalling the end of class.

"If you're so curious about where Remus goes and man enough to actually find out, be at the Whomping Willow at twilight tonight. When he goes through the tunnel, follow him."

"I'm not an idiot, Black."

"Perhaps not," Black grinned, "but we both know you're curious."

Snape spent the remainder of the day deciding. He hated that Black was right, that his curiosity was overpowering his common sense, but it was the unfortunate truth. Why was Lupin allowed to disappear for a whole week every month? Severus had his suspicions, but surely Dumbledore wasn't so foolish that he would let the _thing_ Severus suspected Lupin was be at school with normal children.

In the end, Severus' curiosity won.

* * *

Severus slunk out of the castle at dusk, following behind Madam Pomfrey and Lupin, who was clearly not well. He was limping and hunched over, as if he were about to be sick. Snape skirted the edge of the castle, staying in the shadows. He watched as the matron pointed her wand at the Whomping Willow and the trees ever-moving branches froze. Then, she and Lupin disappeared into a tunnel beneath the tree.

Severus glanced around, before creeping toward the tree, his wand out. The branches had started to sway again, but a muttered "_immobulus_" did the trick quite nicely. He was about to drop down into the tunnel when something collided—_hard_—into his left side. He was sent sprawling, and hit the ground with a painful thud, knocking the air out of his lungs. There was a heavy weight still on top of him, but whatever it was scrambled off pretty quickly.

Severus eyes focused on the Gryffindor tie and mess of unruly dark hair. Potter.

It all made sense now. Black tricked Severus into following Lupin down the tunnel, so Potter could rush in and save the day.

Potter looked as furious as Severus felt, "Do you have a death wish or something, Snape?"

"No. I just don't think your wolfy friend should be allowed at school with normal children." Severus snarled. He had seen what he wasn't supposed to see, what Dumbledore had gone to great lengths to hide. Lupin's body twisting and morphing into a huge, hairy beast, complete with a tail. The werewolf had howled in pain, before sprinting up the rest of the tunnel.

"It doesn't really matter what you think. Dumbledore wants to see you in his office now anyway."

"Who made you his errand boy?" Severus sneered.

"He did. When I turned Sirius in."

"Campaigning for Prefect now, Potter?"

"Just go, Snivellus."

* * *

Sirius had never seen Dumbledore so angry, including the time he and James had snuck into the Forbidden Forest their first year in hopes of glimpsing a werewolf. (Of course, that had been before they realised they had one under their own noses.)

"I cannot fathom what made you even _consider_ pulling this foolish, stupid, idiotic, immature prank, Mr. Black. Not only could Mr. Snape have been killed, think of the consequences for Mr. Lupin. Surely you must have thought about what would happen if he killed Mr. Snape? They don't send werewolves to Azkaban, that much is certain."

Sirius hung his head, his long dark hair hiding his face, finally ashamed.

"And you," Dumbledore turned on Severus, "you are more intelligent than this, Mr. Snape. Surely you realized, with the history between the two of you, Mr. Black was not up to any good?"

Snape glared determinedly at a spot somewhere above Dumbledore's right shoulder and ground his teeth together. He would not respond.

"This ridiculous rivalry cannot and will not continue. I've looked the other way for five years, but now that you've nearly killed someone, maybe even two individuals, I am putting an end to this. For the remainder of this term, the two of you will be spending every Friday evening in detention together with Madam Pince in the library. I demand that you find a way to get past this petty hostility before you actually do kill each other. You're both banned from all Hogsmeade visits this term. I'm also taking two hundred points each from your respective houses."

"WHAT?" Both Snape and Black cried in unison.

"All of these terms are nonnegotiable. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Not one hair on Lucius Malfoy's gleaming blonde head was out of place, even though he'd just arrived via the Floo Network. Severus, Macnair, Avery, Mulciber, and Regulus Black, along with a few other fifth years Severus couldn't be bothered to care about met Lucius in the Room of Requirement.

Severus served his first detention with the elder Black that evening and he was not looking forward to it in the least. In his five years and two months at Hogwarts, the library had become his safe haven. Now it appeared it was going to be his hell.

"Severus," Lucius smiled at him, in a manner of speaking. The older man's lips twisted upward slightly, but the emotion didn't reach his eyes. Severus was used to this. Lucius was very well practised in hiding his true feelings. That slight twist of his lips meant he was overjoyed to see his surrogate brother again.

"How are you, Lucius?"

"I am quite well, thank you. I am to be married."

"Congratulations." Severus clapped his friend on the shoulder.

"She is an angel. Absolutely lovely, and very well bred."

"Of course."

"Her name is Narcissa."

"She's my cousin," Regulus said. He'd been hovering behind Severus' right shoulder.

Lucius eyes narrowed, "I do not believe I was speaking to _you_."

"Well, she is." Regulus muttered.

"The wedding is set for Christmas Eve. I was hoping you'd be my best man, Severus."

"I'm very honoured, Lucius. Thank you."

"I'm sure this touching reunion is of the utmost importance," Macnair sneered, "but I was under the impression we were here to discuss something else besides your impeding nuptials, Lucius. We do not have the luxury of free time that you do, and have scholarly responsibilities. Well, all but Severus. He has detention." Macnair smirked at this.

"I doubt you've ever studied a day in your life, Walden." Lucius glared at the seventh year. "But, since you've insisted, we can discuss what I came here to discuss. As I'm sure you've all heard, a most intelligent and forward-thinking man calling himself Lord Voldemort has begun to search for more supporters of his most noble cause. He believes very strongly in blood status and the supremacy of wizards over Muggles and Mudbloods. He is looking for young people such as yourselves to help him in this righteous effort."

"What effort?" Avery asked. Severus did his best not to groan. Avery proved to be more and more of an idiot with every moment spent in his presence.

"The domination of wizards over Muggles and Mudbloods, and a return to the traditional Pureblood values that have been too long abandoned." Lucius said this very slowly, as if explaining to a small child.

"Who is this Lord Voldemort? Why should we unquestioningly support his cause?" Asked one of the fifth years.

"Do you really want to raise your children in a world where more and more Mudbloods seep into Hogwarts every year, contaminating the oldest and purest of families with their magic that happened as a freak accident, rather than the inheritance of a noble and important ancestry?"

The fifth year seemed to think this a rhetorical question (and knowing Lucius the way he did, Severus knew it was) and kept his mouth closed.

"So, what do we do next then?" Macnair spoke up.

"Obviously, all of you will need to meet the Dark Lord. It would be too difficult to sneak you all out of school, and I doubt he would condescend to set foot in this castle whilst the Mudblood-loving Dumbledore is in charge, so I will discuss it with him. Perhaps I can arrange a dinner party for all of us during the Christmas holiday."

* * *

Madam Pince confiscated both Sirius' and Severus' wands upon their entrance into the library that evening.

"Headmaster's orders," Her eyes narrowed. She did not trust them among her precious books. "This evening, you're going to be re-organising the card catalogue."

"I'm sure that will be especially difficult for you, Black. Can you even spell?" Severus sneered.

"At least my hair won't drip grease all over the cards, Snivellus."

"Fifty points from each of you. Get to work."

It was tedious, mind-numbing work. Perhaps it would have been bearable if this were some parallel universe and Severus and Sirius were on civil terms, but they spent the whole of their evening sniping and glaring at one another. Severus' insults were always cleverer, but Sirius' usually stung more. He knew exactly which of Severus' flaws to target to leave the other boy angry enough to snap back. Sirius was the perfect bully. He got off on tormenting others, and the more he hurt them, the more response he got from them, the better his insults became. Today, he chose to pick on the way Severus' bottom teeth were slightly yellowed and crooked.

After two hours of this, Severus finally snapped. "Just shut the fuck up, Black."

"Language, Mr. Snape. One might think you were raised in a pub. Although, considering your father is such a worthless drunk, I can see why you'd be confused."

Normally, Severus would never defend his father from criticism, because it was all usually true. However, this was Black and Severus was happy to make an exception. He clenched his hand into a fist that connected with Black's nose with a satisfyingly sickening crunch.

A stream of curses flew out of Sirius' mouth before he remembered he didn't have a wand. He settled instead for breaking Snape's nose in kind.

Both boys glared at each other over the card catalogue, fists clenched, not sure whether or not to strike again. Madam Pince had heard their scuffle but decided to wait if they would just give up on attacking, now that they had a nose for a nose.

Black dragged the back of his hand beneath his nose, attempting to staunch the heavy bleeding.

"Nice punch," he said grudgingly. He hadn't thought the scrawny Dark Arts obsessed boy really had the strength necessary for a physical fight. "Where'd you learn to hit?"

"My worthless drunk father." Severus snapped, "Although I don't see how that's any of your business."

"My father's no picnic either."

"Are you trying to be _compassionate_, Black?" Severus sneered, "Because it's utterly wasted on me. I'm not interested in becoming a loyal member of your fan club."

"Believe me, that's the last thing I want. I'm just reminding you you're not the only one with rubbish parents."

"Pretending to care about my family life isn't going to get you anywhere with me."

"I might not be pretending," Sirius muttered, but if Severus heard him, he did not dignify this statement with a response.

Madam Pince returned their wands to them and sent them on their way at midnight. Probably if he felt like it, Sirius could hex Snape as the other boy turned his back to walk down to the dungeons.

But doing that would just land him in more detentions, probably with Snivellus. And Sirius hated to admit it, but he was starting to develop a grudging respect for Snape's ability to hold his own. Sirius had always been a bully (a defence mechanism that was necessary to survive with Orion, Walburga, and Reg the Golden Boy) and Snape had never backed down.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are almost as awesome as chocolate. **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Three**_

Severus didn't know what was wrong with him. He ought to dread Fridays, but instead he looked forward to them with some kind of perverse sense of excitement. He got to insult Black on a regular basis without any intervention from anyone. Pince didn't bother trying to separate them when their flying insults became flying fists. They couldn't do any lasting, permanent damage without wands anyway.

If Severus was being honest with himself (which he wasn't) he would be forced to admit he also rather enjoyed Black's company when they weren't insulting each other. He had horrific choice in friends and was irrevocably Gryffindor in his sentiments, but he'd been raised by Slytherin parents, so he could compete with Severus in that respect. Severus spent too much time than was particularly wise dwelling on their Friday evening fights and conversations.

* * *

Sirius didn't know what was wrong with him. He arrived _early_ to the library on Friday evenings now. Even Wormy had noticed Sirius had started discussing his detentions with amusement rather than annoyance.

Well. Yes. Sirius did know what was wrong. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone but himself. And it really wasn't something wrong, per se. He'd never paid much attention to traditional rules when it came to physical relationships. If he wanted to be with a woman, he'd find a woman. If he wanted to do the same with a man, so be it. (Although, recently, women had entirely dropped out of his radar. Since Harmony Greengrass on the train, actually.) It certainly made his life more interesting.

Since the one thing he hated the most was boredom, spending his Friday evenings arguing with Snape certainly provided an escape from the typical evenings in the Gryffindor common room. He'd gotten rather tired of hearing James pining over Lily who was still strangely attached to Remus. Sirius had never had much patience for Peter to begin with, and now that the ratty boy had suddenly gained a modicum of perception, Sirius had even less patience for his presence since he shouted out every minute observation he made.

What rather worried Sirius was the strange attraction he felt toward Snape. The other boy was by no means good-looking, but he was witty and scathing and honest. He just was not the same as everyone else. He was the exact opposite of boring.

Sirius, however, knew he shouldn't get involved. Severus was too close to Lucius Malfoy for comfort, which meant Severus was on the fast-track to Voldemort, a man Sirius had heard discussed in revered tones by his parents and idiot brother over the dinner table all summer long. Sirius disagreed with Voldemort on many levels, but mostly because it infuriated his parents and the rest of his family. Getting close to Severus would mean getting close to Voldemort.

* * *

Severus and Sirius arrived at the same time the Friday everything changed. When they entered the library it was dark and empty.

"I don't think Pince is going to show up." Sirius muttered, poking around the check-out desk, looking for a note.

"Excellent deduction." Severus sneered.

Sirius grinned at Severus. "Wanna explore the restricted section?"

If anyone had ever told Severus that Sirius Black would send _that_ grin in his direction, he probably would have hexed them. Scratch that. He definitely would have hexed them.

It just wasn't fair, for one person to be so good-looking. Severus knew he was staring, and he suspected Sirius knew he was staring, but he didn't care. He _should _care, but for the first time in his life, he wasn't worried about an attack from Sirius Black. Somehow, they had come to an understanding. It was only a tentative, shaky understanding, and they were constantly teetering on the brink of pushing the other too far, but it was an end to the hostility, all the same. They'd broken each other's noses, they'd flung out all the insults they could think of, and now all they had between them was the shared burden of their Friday nights in the library. They were by no means friends, but they weren't worst enemies either.

"Like you haven't already looked through it." Severus rolled his eyes, "All the books on becoming an Animagus are in there."

"You know about that?" Sirius hissed.

"You and Potter and that idiot that follows you around don't exactly keep it quiet. I overheard you in Potions last year."

Sirius' eyebrows rose. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I knew I could use the information to my advantage at some point."

"You mean blackmail."

"Perhaps," Severus shrugged.

"Do you go out of your way to find these things out about people?"

"Hardly." Severus sneered, "The student body has a general tendency to over-share. If you just sit back and listen, you'll discover a wealth of knowledge you don't necessarily need or want."

"Such as?"

"Do you want a specific example?"

"Sure."

"Well, I know you were with a Hufflepuff fifth year and a Ravenclaw seventh year in the same week. Why go so far away, when you have girls in Gryffindor tower?"

"Been there, done that." Sirius smirked. "I don't waste my time with people I've already been with or people that aren't interested."

"Why bother," Severus muttered, "when you've got the whole population lusting after you?"

"Exactly."

"How nice that must be for you," said Severus darkly. "Some of us have to put an effort in to be noticed by the high and mighty."

"You speak as if you're the one making an effort."

Severus hated himself then. He had been making an effort to make some sort of impression on Sirius, for reasons he couldn't explain.

"Forget it. I'm going to the restricted section."

Sirius watched him go, realising he'd offended him. Did that mean Severus was interested? Sirius wasn't usually unsure about these things, and it was unsettling to feel as such. Where Severus Snape was concerned, Sirius never knew where he stood, and even though he knew he shouldn't, he felt an almost magnetic pull to follow the Slytherin into the stacks.

Severus squinted at the peeling titles on the leather-bound books. He didn't dare light his wand, as he didn't want to be found by Sirius, so he was forced to try to read by moonlight. It wasn't working very well for him.

A pale hand gripped the shelf on either side of his body, trapping him.

"Look at me." Sirius whispered.

Severus turned reluctantly.

"Would I be wasting my time?"

Severus first instinct was to lie. But here, in the dark, this close to Sirius, he couldn't.

"No, you wouldn't."

"Good to know." Sirius smiled, his white teeth gleaming in the dark. His stance relaxed and he let his arms drop to his sides. Severus' panic took over then. He couldn't feel this way towards Sirius Black: he was an enemy. He tensed, ready to bolt.

"No you don't." Sirius took a step closer to Severus. He cupped Severus' face very gently in his hands. Severus shivered visibly and Sirius grinned. "I'm definitely not wasting my time."

He was still grinning when he kissed Severus. The other boy reacted almost immediately, surprising Sirius with his enthusiasm. His hands tangled in Sirius' hair and he pulled the slightly taller boy closer. Sirius pinned him against the bookshelves, and his hands left Severus' face. One slid to the back of his neck, and the other travelled up and down Severus' chest.

Severus pulled away first, and they both gasped for air.

"Do you kiss all the people you hate like that?" Severus arched an eyebrow.

Sirius chuckled. He kissed along Severus' jaw to his ear. "Only you," he whispered.

"So what happens now?"

"I was intending to snog you senseless. No one expects us back until midnight, and even then, detentions do have a tendency to overrun the time limit."

"I'm not opposed to that." Severus' lips twitched in what may have been a smile. "However, I meant once we leave the library."

"We pretend to hate each other unless we're alone. I think it's the only way."

"Will I…er…be the only person you're alone with?" Severus wished he could have recalled those words the minute they were out of his mouth. He sounded like an insecure thirteen-year-old girl.

"I'm not opposed to that." Sirius teased.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

"No you're not. You're laughing at me."

"If you're the only one, does that make you my boyfriend?"

"You're still laughing at me."

"I'm not. I'm just clarifying."

"I don't know. You're the one that's been in relationships before."

"I would hardly call what I'm doing 'relationships'."

"Whatever. You're the one with experience."

"I think we can call it by any name we want. But essentially, you want to be exclusive."

"Yes." It was so difficult to admit, without hedging or being cagey about it.

"I can do that."

"Can you really?" Severus eyebrows shot up. Sirius was the most notorious man-slut in Hogwarts.

"Yes. I think I could." Sirius shrugged.

"What makes me different from the others?"

"You don't bore me."

Severus wasn't sure if this was supposed to be a compliment.

"I can't stand being bored. They're all the same. You're different."

"Is that a good thing? I can't tell."

"It's a good thing. Now will you stop talking so I can kiss you?"

Severus nodded, bringing his lips to Sirius' again. He knew this was probably the stupidest thing he'd ever done, trusting Sirius Black like this, but he was too fascinated with the feel of Sirius' lips on his, the way he smelled, the way he tasted, the way he held Severus like he was precious and breakable and the only person in the world that mattered.

* * *

**A/N: They weren't supposed to get together yet, but as they're Sirius Black and Severus Snape, of course they're breaking all the rules, even mine. **

**Love it or hate it, please review it. **


	4. Chapter 4

_**Four**_

Severus was in a hurry, late for Transfiguration. He rarely had problems getting to class, but he'd been questioning Slughorn about the active ingredients in a blood replenishing potion and gotten caught up in arguing with the ridiculous man. He was not a member of the Slug Club, so the Potions professor had little time for him. It was all so petty. Severus didn't have influential parents or good looks, and he wasn't well liked, so Slughorn would pay him no mind, even though he was by far the best Potions student the man had ever seen.

Just as he was passing a tapestry of some goblin war or another, a pale hand darted out from the corridor concealed behind and pulled him into the darkness. The lips that found his were warm and familiar, but he pulled away.

"I have to go to Transfiguration." He protested. "Actually…" he frowned slightly, "so do you."

"Ditching once and awhile is healthy, Sev." Sirius murmured, his grey eyes meeting Severus' onyx ones.

"And what do you suggest we _do_ for two hours? We can't stand here snogging in the corridor. We'll get caught."

"I can think of plenty of things to do." Sirius grinned at him, and Severus knew he'd agree to anything the other boy suggested.

"Like?"

"Follow me." Sirius grabbed Severus' hand and tugged him down the corridor. He peered out into the neighbouring hallway and finding it clear, sprinted across to the statue of Boris the Bewildered. Muttering the password, he beckoned Severus to follow.

Severus did so reluctantly.

"Fancy a swim?" Sirius smirked, already spinning the taps on the swimming pool-sized tub.

"Is this the prefect's bathroom?"

"Yes it is. Lock the door behind you."

"How do you know the password to the prefect's bathroom?" Severus stalled. He already knew the answer to this question.

"Remus, of course."

"Of course. Does Dumbledore know his prized prefect is sharing his privileges with the undeserving?"

"Probably." Sirius shrugged. "I'm assuming it's rather low on his priority list, though." He flicked his hair out of his eyes. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing. What do you mean? I'm fine." The words tumbling quickly out of his mouth gave him away.

"You're definitely not fine. Is the good student panicking about missing a class?"

"No. It's not that." Severus wondered at that moment why he didn't lie. It would have been an easy out. Instead, Sirius would keep asking questions until he got to the root of the problem: Severus' extreme insecurity. It was not the way he wanted to appear to his boyfriend of only three weeks.

"Listen, Sev, we both know I'm not a mind reader like yourself."

"Leglimens." Severus corrected automatically.

"Same thing. You're going to have to help me out here."

"You're not an idiot." Severus sighed, "I'm sure you can figure it out."

"What? You have a shampoo phobia?"

Severus scowled, "Great. Good guess. Why don't you call me Snivellus again to make it especially spectacular?"

"Sorry. That was rude of me." Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Are you worried about being naked?"

Severus silence was confirmation enough.

"We don't have to be."

Severus laughed once, humourlessly.

Sirius frowned. "I'm not going to understand unless you explain it to me."

Severus stared at his feet. "I have a scar."

"So?"

"It's the dominant feature on my body."

"I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"I'm sure it is. It's repulsive."

"I doubt that."

"Well, you haven't seen it, have you?"

"Scars are cool."

"Not this one."

"If appearances were all I cared about, we wouldn't be here right now."

"Wow. Another stellar compliment, Black." Severus spat.

"I'm sorry. That came out wrong."

"No it didn't. I think we can both agree you're the better looking of the two of us."

"You're smarter."

"Yes, and it's the ugly boys with brains that win in life." Severus rolled his eyes. Already he'd told Sirius too much, and it had only been three weeks. Soon, he wouldn't have any secrets, which was entirely too dangerous.

"Well, _I'm_ going swimming. You're free to do whatever you like."

Severus watched as Sirius peeled off his layers of clothing. His skin was perfect and smooth, not a scar or even a birthmark in sight. He jumped into the deep tub, splashing a considerable amount of water at Severus. His intention, probably.

Severus ground his teeth together. Not even his housemates, whom he'd lived with for six years now, had seen him shirtless. He'd gone to great lengths to hide his scar. It was not, as Sirius joked, a cool one. It was the sort of scar that demanded attention, and inspired probing questions.

"Sev," Sirius' voice was soft. "I'm going to see you naked sooner or later."

"Good to know you're so sure of yourself." Severus sneered. "Don't I have any say in the matter?"

Sirius sighed, "Today, I seem to be suffering from foot-in-mouth syndrome."

"That's an understatement." Severus muttered. Sirius pretended not to hear. His eyes were glued to Severus, taking in the clenching and unclenching of his fists and the muscle jumping in his jaw. Sirius worried he had gone too far, but then Severus' hand moved ever so slowly to his top button.

It was a painstakingly slow process, what with Severus pausing to hyperventilate every second button, but eventually Severus' school shirt was hanging open over his pale chest.

The scar was not actually the first thing Sirius noticed. He had always thought of Severus as scrawny and slight, but he realised the other boy was entirely lean muscle.

It was then that Sirius' eyes focused on the raised, angry red flesh of the scar. It traversed from his left shoulder, diagonally across his torso to his right hip, about two inches wide.

He both wanted and didn't want to ask how Severus had come by such a scar. Of course, Sirius' curiosity won that particular battle. "What happened?" He breathed, his eyes as round as saucers.

"Let's just say I got on the wrong side of the carving knife when my father was drunk."

Sirius gaped at him a moment before lifting himself out of the water and crossing the short distance between them. He wrapped his arms around Severus tightly, feeling him stiffen reluctantly for a moment before relaxing into Sirius' embrace.

Sirius had thought his father was bad with his barbed comments and his Pureblood supremacy bullshit, but clearly he couldn't even begin to fathom bad parenting.

"I don't understand." Sirius said after a few minutes.

"Understand what?" Severus jerked away, "My father is a mean drunk. If I don't provoke him, he'll go after my mother."

"No, it's not that. If it was healed magically, there wouldn't be a scar."

"Why do you think my father drinks, Sirius?" Severus scowled, "Poor Tobias can't stand the thought that his wife and son are freaks. My mother can't use magic in that house, especially when he's drunk. She took me to a Muggle hospital."

Severus clenched his teeth then, determined not to tell Sirius anything more. He wasn't sure what it was about the other boy that had him spilling his deepest, darkest secrets.

Sirius frowned, "Don't the Muggles have a way to get rid of scars?"

"My family can't afford that kind of treatment. The two hundred stitches it took to close me up was the best they could do."

Sirius touched the angry red slash gently. Severus jumped away in surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"It is a cool scar." Sirius grinned, one corner of his mouth tugging up higher than the other.

"Don't lie to try and make me feel better. I don't need your pity."

Sirius' lips touched the very top of the scar on Severus' shoulder. The dark-haired Slytherin shuddered before shoving Sirius away. Sirius staggered backwards, slipping a little on the wet floor.

"What's wrong?" He scowled.

"I have to go." Severus was already buttoning his shirt. He moved fast, Sirius would give him that.

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll see you in detention later." He bolted from the bathroom, leaving a very confused Sirius dripping on the tile.

* * *

Remus sat opposite Lily in the Gryffindor common room. They were working on Ancient Runes work together, a subject Sirius and James had heard was too difficult and decided not to take.

The popular, charismatic half of the Marauders were currently playing Exploding Snap a few tables away from Remus and Lily. Remus pretended not to notice Lily's eyes sliding away from the runes and toward James every half minute.

Remus had always liked Lily, but so had James. And Lily deserved better than a werewolf. It was becoming very clear to Remus that he was being used to get James' attention, to make his own best friend jealous.

"Lily, I don't think we should do this anymore." He said softly, running a hand through his thin, sandy hair.

Her emerald eyes met his for the first time in ages, "What are you talking about, Remus?"

"You already know James is crazy about you. You don't need to torture him, and you definitely don't need to use me to do it."

"I'm not using you."

"Yes you are. You have been from the beginning."

"You and I are friends. Did James put you up to this, because this conversation sounds a lot like him and nothing like you."

"No, he didn't."

"Will you believe that I just want to be your friend? This isn't for James."

Remus chewed on the inside of his cheek. "You're after Sirius, then?" He asked, half joking.

He knew from the flush that reached the roots of her hair. Of course she wanted Sirius. He was equal parts charming and arrogant, drawing people because he was interesting and confident and keeping them interested with charm.

"You're wasting your time." Remus said, as harshly as he could manage, trying to keep the hurt off his face. "Sirius won't betray James. I have to go."

"No, you don't, Remus."

"Yes, I _do_. Find another way to get closer to him if you're so determined to."

* * *

**A/N: Ditching and fighting and crushing, oh my. **

**Love it or hate it, please review it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I apologise for the delay; there's been some family stuff going on in my real life that's kept me out of a writing mood. **

**Since I haven't mentioned it since Chapter One, I'll point out that I don't own Harry Potter and am not making any money from this Severus/Sirius experiment of mine. You know the drill.**

**Also, this chapter is fluffier than cotton balls and clouds and candyfloss combined. You've been duly warned. **

_**Five**_

In the walk to the library from Gryffindor tower, Sirius pondered what had gone so horribly wrong in the prefect's bathroom the previous day that would make Severus bolt. Perhaps they were moving too fast. After all, they'd been mortal enemies only a month ago.

Severus hadn't been at dinner, and Sirius didn't like wondering. He was always the one in control in his relationships, and it was so he could avoid feeling like this. If he held all the power, he never had to be the one floundering and wondering desperately what was going on. Somehow, in the space of three weeks, Severus Snape had managed to change that.

"Good evening, Mr. Black." Pince gave him her usual frosty glare, "You and Mr. Snape will be reorganizing the records room tonight. Follow me please."

Pince led him through a door he'd never noticed (then again, he'd never really spent much time in the library before; that was Remus' territory) and down a stone spiral staircase.

Sirius couldn't ask for a better place to speak to Severus. The records room was enormous, but dusty and dimly lit. Sirius suspected from the way Pince sneezed several times, she would not be staying down here to supervise them. Not that she ever really did.

Severus was already going through a filing cabinet, dropping rolls of parchment into one pile or another. He determinedly did not look up when he heard the descending footsteps on the stairs.

"Mr. Snape can explain the procedure to you. I must get away from the dust."

Pince sneezed her way up the stairs.

"We're to go through the filing cabinets and bin everything from more than ten years ago." Severus said without looking up from his task.

"Or we could make out." Sirius suggested, smirking.

Severus' tone was frosty, "No, thanks."

"What have I done now?" Sirius sighed, "I know I acted like a complete prat yesterday, what with the shampoo comment, and the looks one."

"Thanks so much for bringing them up again." Severus whirled on him.

"I'm sorry, okay," Sirius snapped, "It's sort of a hard habit to break."

"Then why don't you stop trying?" Severus snarled, "You can start sleeping with some trashy Ravenclaw again."

"I'd rather be with you than all the trashy Ravenclaws."

"But _why_?"

"Because you're interesting. You're different than all of them. You have a brain, which is a refreshing change from my usual type."

"Maybe you ought to just stick to what you know."

Sirius grinned, "I've never met anyone better than me at insulting people."

"Surprisingly, that's not a very winning compliment in my book." Severus deadpanned.

"But it is in mine." Sirius countered. He couldn't tell Severus the real reason he was so drawn to him. It was rather…embarrassing. He felt like an overly hormonal teenage girl when he thought about it.

"Tell me the truth. I know you don't find me attractive, so I'm very confused as to why you're sticking around. If this is some kind of practical joke between you and Potter…I'm not amused."

"It's not a joke."

"Prove it."

"For starters, James doesn't even know I fancy boys."

"Prove it." Severus repeated, the words issuing from his mouth in a low, velvety hiss. Sirius shuddered, his eyelids fluttering closed for a moment.

He kept them squeezed shut, his admission coming out in a faint whisper, "It's your voice."

"My voice?" Severus whispered, perhaps reacting to Sirius' drop in volume.

"Are you mocking me?"

"No. I just don't understand."

Sirius opened his eyes and analyzed Severus' expression, trying to determine if he was just going to humiliate Sirius. When Sirius decided he wasn't, he spoke again, "Your voice is the sexiest, most appealing thing I've ever heard in my life."

Severus flushed.

"You could read me your History of Magic notes and it would turn me on."

A grin spread across Severus' face and he picked up one of the rolls of parchment. "How convenient, an essay about the Goblin Wars of 1411 to 1500."

"Now you are mocking me."

"A little." Severus admitted. His grin shifted into a wicked smirk, and he hooked his finger in Sirius' direction, indicating he wanted him to come closer. Sirius obeyed, rather curious as to what would put that expression on Severus' face.

When Severus started speaking, Sirius' eyes almost rolled back into his head and his body thrummed. His deep baritone was silky and caressing, "You said something about making out…"

Sirius started to leap toward him, but Severus held up his hand, "Wait."

Sirius stopped, confused. He watched as Severus dashed up the stairs, and heard the creak as he eased the door closed. Severus slammed the deadbolt into place before returning to Sirius.

Sirius was already feeling a bit hot and bothered, so he shrugged out of his robes. Severus did the same, a grin on his face. "Warm?" Severus' voice was velvet.

He didn't get a chance to speak again. Sirius had rushed at him, pinning him against the stone wall and capturing his lips bruisingly hard. Severus lips moved in synchronization, his hands tangling in Sirius' hair.

Severus' tongue slipped into Sirius' mouth. The tongue that shaped all those delicious sounding words. Sirius' grip on Severus tightened.

They separated to breathe, and listening to Severus' gasps made Sirius want to forget about the air and continue kissing him into oblivion.

"You're too short," Sirius complained, the back of his neck aching.

"Not all of us can be six-two." There was a hint of jealousy in the intense silk of Severus' voice.

Sirius glanced around the room, searching for a solution. There was a moth-eaten armchair in a far corner and Sirius grinned. He pulled Severus across the room before dropping into the chair and arranging Severus comfortably in his lap.

"Much better." Sirius smirked.

"I agree." Severus loosened Sirius' tie, opening the collar of his shirt. Severus kissed Sirius' neck while Sirius tugged Severus' shirt from his trousers. His hands slid up underneath the shirt, exploring the contours of Severus' muscled back.

Severus' hands held Sirius' face and he nibbled on Sirius' bottom lip.

"You taste excellent." Severus murmured, his voice sending chills down Sirius' spine.

"You sound better." Sirius whispered back. Their frantic kissing and steel grips had relaxed to something much gentler. Severus sucked on Sirius' earlobe and the Gryffindor sighed in satisfaction.

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't want this detention to end?" Sirius whispered.

"Yes. I don't like pretending to hate you when we have an audience."

"We don't have a choice."

"I know." Severus rested his forehead against Sirius'. "That doesn't really make it any better though, does it?"

"No." Sirius kissed Severus softly, "Maybe someday things will change."

"Maybe." It was easy to agree there, alone in the dusty records room beneath the library. The rest of the world didn't exist here, there weren't people to condemn them, or harass them. No Potter, no Macnair, no Lucius, no Lord Voldemort. Surrounded by his peers, Severus was forced to admit that if he and Sirius were to ever go public as a couple, they would be the scandal of the century. Here, at least, he could stop thinking about what everyone thought of him and focus solely on the only opinion that was starting to matter: his own.

* * *

**A/N: I've always imagined that canon Severus would have a voice even sexier than Alan Rickman's. I mean, he has to have **_**something**_** going for him besides that huge brain of his. ;-)**

**Anyway, due to the aforementioned family drama, I can't promise when I'll be able to post the next chapter, but I hopefully won't keep you waiting for too long.**

**As always, reviews are hugely appreciated. I've even been sending sneak peeks and hints to all of you that **_**do**_** review, so if you want some of those, drop me a line. (Shameless plea, I know.) **


	6. Chapter 6

_**Six**_

The Christmas holiday snuck up on Severus. He received an owl from Lucius inviting him to spend the holidays at Malfoy Manor, so he could attend both Lucius' wedding to Narcissa Black and the dinner party with the Dark Lord he had arranged for the Hogwarts recruits. Of course, Lucius also knew how much Severus dreaded returning to Spinner's End during any school sabbatical, and was well aware how little trouble the younger man would have accepting his friend and mentor's invitation.

"Your cousin is marrying Lucius Malfoy." Severus said softly. He and Sirius were in the records room, sitting opposite each other on the floor, a feast Sirius had nicked from the kitchens spread out between them. Sirius leaned forward and licked off some chocolate gathered in the corner of Severus' mouth.

"Narcissa. She's one of the better of my many cousins."

"Will you be attending the wedding?"

"I'm sure I will be unable to avoid it."

"Don't sound so enthused." Severus smirked, "I'll be there."

"Well that makes me slightly more interested. Perhaps we can sneak off somewhere."

"Perhaps…if you play your cards right." Severus thoroughly enjoyed influencing Sirius' reactions just by changing the tone of his voice. It was exhilarating, knowing he could have that much of an effect on his boyfriend without doing anything particularly extraordinary.

Severus took advantage of Sirius' temporary inability to function and stole an éclair from the plate on the ground in front of Sirius.

"Hey." Sirius protested feebly, his expression still rather glazed.

"Do you think Pince has noticed we're not actually reorganising everything down here?" Severus asked.

It took Sirius a few moments to process the question Severus had asked him. "I think so."

Severus' eyebrows darted up in surprise.

"She won't say anything. You, the great library lover, can do no wrong in her eyes. I'll catch the blame for this."

"Nah, you won't." Severus grinned. It was an expression Sirius rarely got to see, and it transformed Severus' face. His dark eyes danced and a dimple appeared in his left cheek.

"Why not?"

"I snuck down here the other day and did it all magically."

"Brilliant." Sirius leaned forward to kiss him. "Thanks for that."

"Only took about three seconds. If you know the proper Arithmancy, it's fairly easy to manipulate the spells."

He began to launch into a description.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you're some kind of genius." Sirius teased. "I don't care how you did it, only that you have. What else are you up to this holiday?"

"Well, I'm staying with Lucius."

"That will put a bit of a damper on the honeymoon, don't you think?" Sirius chuckled.

Severus only rolled his eyes in response.

So he wasn't going to tell him. Sirius hadn't really expected him to. A letter from his mother had arrived that morning, bringing the news that Reg had been invited to a dinner party with the man himself, Lord Voldemort, at Malfoy Manor. Sirius had immediately wondered if Severus was going to be in attendance, but for once in his life, he didn't have the balls to ask outright.

Probably because he didn't want to know.

* * *

Sirius returned to the common room later than usual. After Pince released them from their 'detention', Severus and Sirius had snuck off to snog in a hidden corridor only the Slytherins were privileged to know about. It was especially ideal because Slughorn gave his word to his house that he would never acknowledge the existence of said corridor when he made his after-curfew rounds.

"You're late." James said, by way of greeting.

"That dried up old prune decided to keep the torture going longer than usual this week. She's really getting into the holiday cheer." Sirius flipped his hair out of his eyes, catching the attention of every female in the room. "Found a new corridor on the way back, too." Sirius dropped onto the couch next to his best mate, "Ought to add it to the map."

"Definitely." James grinned, "You coming to mine over the holiday?"

"Can't. Orion and Walburga insist I go to this bloody wedding of my cousin's."

"Well, if you change your mind—

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm the son your parents never had."

James shoved him and probably would have abused him further, if Lily hadn't walked past.

"Hello, Sirius." She smiled brightly at him, ignoring James completely. James seemed to deflate, glaring murderously at his best mate.

"What? I didn't do anything," Sirius frowned, as confused as James. He'd never really thought he was Lily's type. She tended to go for kind, sweet boys.

"What is it with you? You're like a bloody magnet."

"I can't help it." Sirius shrugged, grinning. He could practically hear the female heart rates speed up. "Look on the bright side, she's not hanging around Moony anymore."

"That doesn't seem like a bright side."

"Course it is. She's more likely to date Remus than me."

"Why's that?"

"Because I don't _date_. Monogamy's not my style." _Not with the opposite sex, anyway_, Sirius added silently.

"Well, put in a good word for me then. Maybe now that she fancies you, she'll value your opinion."

"Girls don't chase me for my opinions."

"Why do they, then?" Peter looked up from a letter to his parents, his expression hopeful, as if he was ready to take pointers at any moment Sirius decided to give them.

"We'll tell you when you're older, Wormy." Sirius grinned.

"Yes, little ears, and all that." James laughed. Poking fun at Peter was nearly as satisfying as tormenting Snivellus. It put him into a better mood after Lily's swift change of affections.

Remus watched Lily make cow eyes at Sirius across the common room. Sirius didn't notice her at all. Either he had Herculean self-control, or he really had no interest in Lily Evans. Remus suspected it must be the former, since the latter seemed entirely too implausible. Lily was kind and gentle and understanding and beautiful and even Sirius had to see that.

Remus would never act on his feelings, he valued his friendship with James too much to ever even consider going anywhere near Lily. Besides, he was a monster. She deserved better than him.

Peter's hands clenched into fists. Neither James nor Sirius noticed. No surprise there. He was always the brunt of their jokes and constantly left in the dark. They called him their friend, but he was just a tagalong to the triumvirate of James, Sirius and Remus. Someday he would stand up to them. Someday he would be the most powerful of the four Marauders. He didn't know how yet, but he would keep his eyes open for opportunities.

* * *

Severus slouched into his dormitory. He had no interest in spending time in the common room with the rest of his house. He was a half-blood in a house full of Purebloods. He would never really be welcome there.

To his disappointment, Severus discovered he was not alone in the dormitory. Avery and Mulciber were talking in hushed tones in the corner where their beds sat. They stopped talking and froze the instant the door opened, but relaxed upon seeing Severus.

"Snape," Avery inclined his head in an acknowledging nod. "How was your detention?"

"It was spent in the company of Sirius Black. How do you think that went?"

"Has Lucius written you recently?"

"Not in regards to what the two of you are talking about." Severus sneered. He knew they were slightly jealous of his close relationship with one of the most influential young men in the Wizarding world. He would use that jealousy for his personal gain, if need be.

"You would tell us, though, if he said anything?" Mulciber cocked his head in the manner of a curious dog, making his lopsided features even more unbalanced.

Severus stared at both of them for a long moment, as if he were deciding. It was going to be hard enough getting on the Dark Lord's good side, being a half-blood instead of the Purebloods the man so desperately wanted to recruit, and knocking two of the Purebloods out of the running would be a big help.

"Lucius will contact you directly. He wouldn't risk us being overheard." It was the unfortunate truth. Severus would not be able to get ahead by leaving Mulciber and Avery behind. He would just have to bank on Lucius' influence getting him far enough into the Dark Lord's favour to give him an opportunity to prove his worth.

Undoubtedly Severus knew more about the Dark Arts than any of his peers and more about Potions than Slughorn. Obviously, he would be an asset to Lord Voldemort's cause. Severus just needed to get him to look past his mother's moment of weakness and stupidity in her marriage to a Muggle.

The thought of his father made it difficult for Severus to contain a shudder. He hated no one more passionately than Tobias Snape. Not even his abhorrence of James Potter could compete with his loathing for his own father.

Eileen Prince had been stupid and easily tricked by Tobias. She met him in a pub, when he was already drunk off his arse. He'd only been out to get laid that night, and got much more than he bargained for with naïve Eileen. The Snapes were a respectable and wealthy family in London society at the time, and the moment they learned Eileen Prince was carrying a Snape child, they insisted their only son marry her, or lose all his inheritance. Not that the Snape fortune lasted long. The money was squandered on drink and cards and women, the estates sold to pay off the gambling debts. Spinner's End was a hellhole when Tobias dropped his miserable wife and his six-year-old son there. He spent all his time in the pub down the road, coming home only when the barman threw him out to sober up for a few hours.

Tobias was an angry drunk, and he took his anger out on his wife, until Severus started defending his mother. It was better that way. His father had already beaten the will to do magic out of Eileen, but Severus was stronger than that. Severus came of age this January, and as soon as it was possible, he intended to deliver some justice to his father. The man was desperately in need of a taste of his own medicine. Severus eagerly anticipated the day he would give it to him.

* * *

Sirius lay in his bed in Gryffindor tower. James was snoring one bed over, and Remus was muttering in his sleep a bed beyond that. Peter was across the room, breathing in asthmatic whistling wheezes. It was all enough to drive a bloke insane. Sirius threw back the duvet—he wouldn't get any sleep in this—and opened the drawer in the bedside table between his bed and James'. He withdrew a complexly folded piece of parchment and slipped silently out of the dormitory.

In the safe silence of the common room, he tapped his wand to the parchment.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered.

The corridors and rooms of the castle began to bleed into the parchment in black ink from invisibility. This map was his and James' finest achievement. It had been unbelievably tricky to make, but now that they'd done it, the thing was damn useful.

He knew Severus was practically an insomniac with as much disregard for the rules as the Marauders. If Sirius were lucky, the Slytherin would be roaming the castle somewhere. His eyes darted to all the usual places—Astronomy tower, corridors hidden behind tapestries, empty classrooms—before remembering he wasn't looking for a usual boy. He found the dot labelled _Severus Snape_ and did a quick check for Filch or any of the other professors.

Seeing none out and about, he tapped the map again and with a muttered "mischief managed" headed for the portrait hole.

The Fat Lady protested his departure with a disgruntled huff, but she wouldn't say anything. Sirius had managed to charm her, along with nearly every other female in the castle. It would be extremely detrimental to his mischief managing abilities if they all were to discover he preferred boys.

The library at night was eerie, moonlight spilling through the tall windows, casting long shadows from all the shelves and tables. He wove through the Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Divination sections before finding Severus sitting in the cushioned window seat, staring out at the grounds and the lake.

"Tsk, tsk," Sirius chastised in an excellent impression of the matronly librarian.

Severus jerked in surprise and turned to face Sirius with wide, fearful eyes. He relaxed almost instantly.

"How did you find me?"

"Lucky guess." Sirius grinned lazily. It was that grin that always did Severus in. And Sirius knew it. "Do you spend all your evenings in the library?"

"No." Severus shrugged, "I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither. James snores, Remus talks and Peter wheezes."

"I just can't turn my brain off."

"Must be tough, having a brain that actually functions." Sirius smirked.

"I don't believe yours is as faulty as you'd like everyone to think. You're just lazy."

"You slay me." Sirius clutched at his heart in mock injury.

"You are. You know you can get away with anything by flashing a charming grin or doing that sexy wink, hair flip combo, so you don't bother working at anything."

Said charming grin spread across Sirius' face, "I'm sorry. I think I just misheard you. Sexy wink, hair flip combo?"

Severus flushed. "Don't pretend you don't know it's true. But you're selling yourself short, just riding on your looks. Obviously you're a brilliant wizard or you wouldn't have been able to become an Animagus."

"Obviously."

Severus' lips twitched into a half-smile, "And you're just so modest."

"I'd rather use my powers for fun, that's all."

"Let me know how that works out for you."

"No, let me know how it works out for _you_."

Severus frowned slightly.

"I'm contemplating using my sexy wink hair flip combo against you in the hopes of fun."

Severus dropped his voice to a silky whisper, "I'd like to see you try." It was so satisfying watching Sirius struggle to contain his reactions. He flipped his hair out of his eyes in an effort to see Severus better, but he needn't have bothered, because the Slytherin had already bent toward him, capturing his lips and causing Sirius' eyelids to flutter closed.

Faintly, Severus heard the clock chime two in the morning. He pulled away reluctantly.

"I should get back."

Sirius' kiss-swollen lips pouted. "You don't have to."

"If I don't leave now, I won't at all, and I really don't fancy being caught snogging by Pince."

"Too late."

Both Sirius and Severus froze and turned to face the librarian. From the stunned expression on her face, Sirius knew she had seen.

"I am willing to overlook both of you being out of your beds after curfew if you return to your dormitories immediately."

Both boys turned to leave.

"And Mr. Snape," Severus glanced over his shoulder at her, "That's Madam Pince to you."

* * *

**A/N: What do we think? Where do Madam Pince's loyalties lie? Extra hints to anybody that guesses correctly. =D**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Seven**_

Irma Pince raised a veined, pale fist to rap lightly on the door to the Headmaster's office, before pulling it back. She had been standing at the top of the stone spiral staircase for ten minutes, attempting to decide whether what she had witnessed in the library early this morning was even Albus Dumbledore's business. He _meant_ well usually, but had a sneaky sort of knack for taking this sort of information and bending it to his will. On the other hand, she now knew that detentions for Misters Snape and Black were no longer being served as intended.

Unfortunately for the undecided librarian, Dumbledore's omniscience caught her hovering outside his office and he invited her in for a cup of tea and an interrogation—not that he voiced the latter.

"And how are you this lovely morning, Irma? Getting into the Christmas spirit?"

Irma sighed, "Christmas is hardly tolerable on the actual day, Albus. I do not prepare weeks in advance."

"Not even looking forward to seeing the great-nieces and –nephews?"

Irma shuddered delicately. She had an impressive number of siblings who had all married and produced impossible numbers of nieces and nephews for her who in turn produced immense numbers of great-nieces and –nephews, each of them smaller and stickier than the one preceding it.

She adjusted her spectacles so they sat more squarely on her small, pointed nose. "I feel rather guilty about being here, as the story I am about to relate to you is really none of my business, but I ought to tell you because perhaps you will know what is to be done, as I am at a loss."

"How very intriguing. Do continue."

"Under normal circumstances, I can handle the late-night visitors to the library on my own."

"Ah," Dumbledore caught on to the subject matter at hand.

"However, very early this morning, I happened upon Sirius Black and Severus Snape."

Dumbledore frowned. He'd been expecting another direction with this narration entirely, "Were they duelling? I am also at a loss with how to deal with them. They are determined to hate one another."

Two bright pink spots appeared on Irma's cheeks. "They weren't fighting. Quite the opposite, actually. I caught them like I do most other pairs who visit the library after curfew: kissing."

"Are you certain? It was dark. Perhaps you saw Mr. Black with one of his many admirers."

"No. It was definitely Severus and Sirius. I recognised them quite easily as they spend every Friday in my library for their detentions, which is why I brought this to you. Obviously if they're _together_, serving detention together will be more pleasant than not, and that entirely defeats the purpose of detention."

"I'm afraid I disagree with you." There was a softness in Dumbledore's expression Irma found both unfamiliar and unsettling. Men in charge of moulding the minds of young children ought not to be sentimental. They needed to be disciplinarians. "The purpose of detention is to teach a lesson, and in this particular case, I wished for Mr. Black and Mr. Snape to learn to see each other as something besides the enemies they have always been. Obviously, they've accomplished that."

"Don't you think it best to stop their detentions then?"

"No." Albus shook his head and stroked his beard absentmindedly. He really ought to try and find another reason to give them detention for all of the next term.

"But Albus, they've learned the lesson you set out to teach them."

"Hardly. They've barely touched the tip of the iceberg."

"So you will continue to let them meet every Friday so they have free reign do god-knows-what with each other?" Irma's tone was one of disgust.

Dumbledore's expression became fierce in a matter of seconds, "They aren't doing anything wrong."

"I'm afraid I disagree with you." Irma mimicked.

"You are currently on very thin ice, Madam Pince." The Headmaster warned, "Let them be."

"Albus—

"Let. Them. Be." Dumbledore's normally cheerful eyes flashed and his tone was dangerous.

"Of course, Headmaster. You know best." Irma stood and hurried out of the room, unwilling to subject herself further to the wrath of Dumbledore.

Albus watched her go, before leaning back in his chair with a heavy sigh. Fawkes, sensing his sorrow, left his perch and glided over to the Headmaster. Albus stroked the phoenix's magnificent feathers distractedly, his thoughts drifting toward the cheerful, youthful blonde man he'd loved so long ago.

This was the first time he'd thought of Gellert in years. It was a book he knew to be closed. Gellert was serving a life sentence in Nurmengard, and while Albus could probably pull enough strings to at least visit, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to. He had been weak in his youth, blinded by Gellert's big ideas and talks of enormous power. They would govern together, and it was really the _together_ that Albus had been most interested in. He'd been willing to overlook the more atrocious parts of Gellert's plan in order to stay with the man.

And that was Albus Dumbledore's great undoing. So blinded by love, he had let hundreds and hundreds of innocent people—both Wizarding and Muggle—die before he would step in and stop. Yes, love was the greatest power on this earth, and it was capable of doing just as many horrible things as hate.

His thoughts returned to the matter at hand. He'd had no idea this would be the outcome when he'd assigned detentions to Severus and Sirius. He'd really had no faith in this project at all. He expected the two of them to spend more time in the hospital wing this term than all the previous combined. Albus supposed this was just another lesson that his students would always do exactly the opposite of what he expected.

* * *

Sirius pushed his food around his plate. James and Remus were worriedly discussing the Transfiguration essay that Remus found difficult and James had yet to start. It was taking every ounce of Sirius will power to avoid letting his eyes scan the Slytherin table again. Peter had already caught him twice.

"…do you think about it, Padfoot?"

Sirius was jerked back to the real world. He tried to remember the beginning of James' question, but he couldn't. "About what?"

"McGonagall's essay. Where have you _been_ lately?"

"Nowhere." Sirius shrugged, "I didn't think it was too bad."

"You mean you've finished?" Remus frowned, confused. "Or you borrowed someone else's essay to copy?"

"I did it the other night. I couldn't sleep."

Peter, James and Remus gaped at him.

"But you never do schoolwork." Peter protested.

"I couldn't sleep. I needed _something_ to do. Just drop it."

It wasn't quite so simple as that. Severus had forced him to write the essay, threatening he wouldn't speak to Sirius for two weeks if he didn't do the assignment.

James still looked awestruck, "You coming to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"You know I've been banned." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"When has that ever stopped you?"

"I think it's too risky right now. Dumbledore's watching me like a hawk since the Whomping Willow incident, and we don't want your cloak confiscated."

James' face fell, "What's happened to you?"

"Nothing. Without that cloak, we're nowhere."

"Whatever." James pushed away from the table, "Next thing you'll be telling us you can't come out at the full moon. Let me know when you grow a pair again and stop caring about what _Dumbledore_ thinks."

As James crossed the threshold into the Entrance Hall, Severus was on his way into the Great Hall for breakfast. Needing someone to take out his anger on, James gave Severus a mighty shove, sending the Slytherin sprawling on the marble floor. Severus knew they were in full view of the entire Great Hall and chose not to retaliate. The real question was whether Golden Boy James Potter would be punished.

"What, Snape, too cowardly to fight back?"

"No." Severus smirked, seeing both McGonagall and Dumbledore striding up the aisles between the long House tables, "Too clever."

"Mr. Potter, my office please." Dumbledore ordered, whilst McGonagall took hold of James' ear and pulled him along after her.

Severus' eyes met Sirius' and widened when the latter grinned and winked at him.

* * *

The hand that darted out from behind a tapestry was impossibly pale, like it had never seen the sun, with long slender fingers. Said fingers closed around the sleeve of Sirius' robes and yanked him through into the corridor behind.

Sirius found himself pinned against the wall and he wasn't about to complain.

"How do you feel about skiving off today?" Severus whispered.

A lazy grin spread across Sirius' face, "Thought you'd never ask."

"Follow me." Severus hand slid down Sirius' arm, past his wrist and closed around his hand. Had anyone else tried this, Sirius would have pulled away, as handholding was too intimate. But since it was Severus, handholding seemed…appropriate, almost.

The corridor was long and dim and Sirius couldn't hazard even a guess at where Severus might be taking him. They were on the seventh floor and dangerously close to the Gryffindor common room, but luckily they seemed to be heading in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?" Sirius hissed, growing slightly impatient.

"You'll see." Severus said cryptically. "I'd wager if you don't know yet, you've never been."

Despite his impatience, Sirius was curious. What did Severus know about this castle that the Marauders hadn't been able to find?

Severus poked his head out into the main corridor, "Wait here." He instructed.

Sirius heaved a resigned sigh, but did as he was told, watching as Severus crossed the corridor and began to pace in front of an empty wall, a look of concentration on his face.

"Sev?"

Severus just waved him off and made his third turn in front of the wall. A door appeared where there hadn't been one and he reached out and grabbed the doorknob, opening the door and motioning for Sirius to follow him.

There was nothing remarkable about this room. It looked like a catchall for furniture from the castle that had been broken or damaged. There was a green upholstered chair in the corner that had probably been in the Slytherin common room before someone tore the upholstery in the seat. There were two battered leather sofas arranged around a low table with deep gouges in the surface.

"How charming." Sirius smirked.

Severus glared at him, "What would you prefer? A bed, so you can have your way with me and move on to another conquest?"

Sirius frowned, "No. This is fine. I just sort of expected something more impressive after the whole pacing in front of the invisible door bit."

"Unbelievable." Severus snapped, "Don't you get that this _is_ impressive? This room doesn't exist unless someone needs it."

Sirius dropped on to one of the couches, finding it surprisingly comfortable, despite its shabby appearance. "Come sit here with me and explain, because I don't understand." He held his arms out to Severus. The Slytherin settled next to the Gryffindor and allowed the latter to wrap his arms around him.

"It's called the Room of Requirement. I found it a few years ago, when I was trying to hide from Potter and…"

"Me." Sirius supplied, his expression apologetic.

"Yes." Severus shrugged, "Anyway, the room changes to whatever you require. I come here to study sometimes, if the library is too crowded. I've slept here before too."

"Why?"

"I'm not exactly on friendly terms with my housemates, am I?"

"But the hat put you in Slytherin. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"You know as well as I do that it isn't. And I had to _beg_ to be put there. That bloody hat wanted me in Ravenclaw."

"Maybe you should have listened."

"No. How many famous, powerful Ravenclaws have you heard of? They all end up working desk jobs in the Ministry or running bookshops. I have much grander ambitions."

"That makes one of us." Sirius muttered.

"Don't know what you want to be when you grow up?" Severus teased.

"Not a clue." Sirius shrugged, "I'm fairly certain I was written out of Orion's will the moment I was sorted into Gryffindor. Walburga has her own fortune—almost as much as his, actually—but I think she might actually loathe me more than he does. Best I can hope for is one of my many relations to die. I'm sure there has to be at least one that _likes_ me."

"Or you could get a job." Severus suggested.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Do I look like the working type to you?"

"I'm fairly certain you could accomplish anything you wanted if you'd just put your mind to it."

Sirius flushed slightly from the compliment, "So what are your grand ambitions then?"

"Potions." Severus said, his face lighting up.

"How shocking." The corners of Sirius' mouth twitched up. "Care to elaborate?"

"The possibilities of what Potions can _do_ are endless. Anything I can contribute would be enough."

"It's just so…dull. I prefer Charms."

"Silly wand waving," Severus rolled his eyes, "Charms is all showy, flashy stuff. It's not very practical."

"Fine. Defence Against the Dark Arts then. You can't say _that_ isn't practical."

Severus stared very determinedly at his hands. He'd suspected Sirius knew about his future plans with regards to the Dark Lord. He also suspected he knew how Sirius would react, especially if Sirius and Regulus were as opposite as they both claimed.

"I'm guessing this means we're not going to discuss the hulking elephant in the room then?" Sirius frowned.

"What do you want me to say? I know that you knew about it before all of this started."

"Fuck, Severus." Sirius ran both his hands through his hair. "_Why_? You don't agree with him, do you?"

"What's it to you if I do?"

"I'm a blood traitor!" Sirius all but shouted, "I'm next to Muggleborn in his book!"

Severus looked abashed for a moment, before saying quickly, "You'll be protected by your brother's involvement."

"Because I want my idiot of a kid brother to join the Death Eaters too." Sirius scoffed. It was true that he and Reg didn't get along, but that didn't mean he wanted his brother to do something as suicidal as become a Death Eater. "What about Lily Evans?"

"What about her?" Severus scowled.

"I know you used to be friends. I can't imagine that will look too good on your résumé."

"Sirius, this is something I have to do."

"How do you think he feels about homosexuality?" Sirius continued as if Severus hadn't spoken, "I'm guessing he's probably against that too. You obviously don't agree with his ideas if you've been friends with Mudbloods, as he so charmingly calls them, and are dating a blood traitor who also happens to be a man."

"You don't understand!"

"Then explain it to me!"

Severus buried his face in his hands. "I don't have a choice."

"There's always a choice."

"The Dark Lord wants someone skilled in Potions. Lucius told him about me. Voldemort is willing to pay for me to get further Potions education so I can help with his cause. There's no way I could afford it otherwise."

This was not the whole truth. Severus had spent his entire life being stepped on by people bigger or more powerful than him. The Dark Lord offered power, and it was too temping for Severus to refuse.

"I'm sure Dumbledore knows a way to—

"Sirius, please. Just drop it." The pleading look in Severus' deep, onyx eyes made Sirius close his mouth and lean back against the couch. "Can we just agree to disagree?"

This was more than a little disagreement, but Sirius didn't really want to lose Severus over this so soon. He knew Voldemort would come between them eventually, and he wasn't about to waste whatever modicum of time they had between now and whenever that happened.

"Yes."

"Good."

Sirius did his best to grin, but knew it was barely a shadow of his usual expression. "I do remember you saying something about me having my way with you…"

Severus frowned in mock confusion, "Did I say that? I'm certain it was the other way round."

"Just shut up and kiss me."

* * *

**A/N: As far as I'm concerned, reviews are more awesome than carbs. And I'm Italian, so I like my carbs. =D**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Eight**_

Sirius had enough admirers to know what it felt like to be pursued. And Lily Evans pursued him like her life depended on it. She turned on her mega-watt smile for him whenever she caught his eye, she perched on the arm of whatever piece of furniture he happened to be sitting on, she attempted to pair with him in lessons and (flirtatiously) asked his advice on homework.

James slowly simmered and silently seethed watching Lily flirt mercilessly with Sirius. To his best mate's credit, Sirius didn't seem to be taking the bait, but James was of the opinion Sirius should have told her outright he wasn't interested.

Really, James was rather mystified by Sirius' ability to ignore Lily. Sirius chased everything in a skirt and Lily would hardly be an exception to that rule. Then again…Sirius hadn't been chasing any skirts lately. James shrugged this off and continued to wallow in his jealousy.

* * *

"I'm afraid you've got competition." Sirius announced when he entered the Room of Requirement. He and Severus had decided to meet there every other evening, rather than just wait for Fridays to roll around. "I know you and Lily promised never to let a boy come between you but…"

"What are you on about?" Severus frowned.

"_Your_ ex-best friend is flinging herself at me, even though she's well aware my best friend is arse over tea kettle for her and I'm not about to make him _my_ ex-best friend."

"Don't you mean head over heels?"

"No." Sirius grinned. "Either way, he looks pathetic."

Severus smirked a little at that.

"Anyway, I need to get her to stop. I don't really want to lose my best mate because the object of his pining is throwing herself at a gay man."

Sirius realised it was the first time he'd said it out loud. Severus caught on to that too.

"Well, you could just tell her."

"I'd really rather not. I don't know if she can be trusted."

"I've known her for six years. She's not going to go around telling secrets that aren't hers."

"If you know her so well, why aren't you still friends?"

"Drifted apart," Severus lied.

Sirius didn't press the issue. Severus' former friendship with Lily Evans wasn't so important to their relationship that he needed to put Severus under pressure to share the inner workings of his past. He knew his boyfriend well enough by now to know that if Severus wanted to share something, he would.

Instead, he leaned over and kissed Severus softly. It was exceptionally mystifying to Sirius how this had happened. How, in the span of a few short months, had Severus Snape become as important to Sirius as James and Remus and infinitely more important than Peter?

He climbed into Severus' lap, his arms around Severus' neck. Severus pulled away to breathe and stared at Sirius, his eyelids drooping over his dark, smouldering eyes.

"What was that for?" Severus whispered, giving Sirius chills.

"Can't a bloke kiss his boyfriend without being questioned?" Sirius grinned.

"Not like that, he can't," Severus smirked.

Sirius chose not to answer the question and captured Severus' lips again with his own.

"Don't be evasive with me," Severus grinned against Sirius' lips. "Something's different and I want to know what."

"Damn you and your curiosity." Sirius fiddled with the knot on Severus' green and silver striped Slytherin school tie. Severus caught one his hands and pressed a kiss to the palm.

"You don't have to tell me right this minute."

"Sssh." Sirius hissed softly, "Not all of us are so easily eloquent as you. I'm trying to phrase this properly."

"Sorry." Severus closed his mouth and sat patiently waiting for the boy in his lap to collect his thoughts.

Sirius' voice shook somewhat, "I don't know when it happened, but one day I woke up and you were the most important person in my life."

Severus' grip on Sirius' hands tightened. Sirius sighed and pressed his forehead against Severus'.

"You're the most important person in my life too."

"Yeah?" Sirius' face adopted an expression of relief.

"Yes." Severus nodded.

Sirius released his hands from Severus' and began undoing the tie he had become rather fixated on. Severus pulled Sirius' shirttails from the waistband of his trousers. Sirius finished with the tie and began unbuttoning Severus' shirt.

Sirius' lips touched the place on Severus' left shoulder where his scar began. Severus shuddered a little.

"Something wrong?" Sirius whispered.

"Nothing." Severus let his head drop backwards to rest on the leather sofa cushion. His hands ghosted across the smooth planes of Sirius' chest through the fabric of his shirt, before their lips met again and they got lost in one another.

They were pressed bare chest to bare chest, horizontal on the couch. The clock in the corner of the room struck midnight.

Sirius groaned but did not move from his place on the couch. He and Severus were nose to nose, their legs intertwined.

"Sirius, we've been here five hours. Don't you think we ought to go back to our dormitories?" Severus did not sound very convinced himself.

"No." Sirius brushed some of Severus' hair out of his eyes. Unable to help himself, he began stroking the hair on Severus' head. "Your hair is so soft. Not greasy at all," he murmured sleepily.

Severus' laugh was a deep baritone. Sirius loved hearing that laugh, especially since it happened so rarely. He couldn't resist kissing the lips from which that laugh escaped.

"We should go back to our dormitories."

"Let's just stay."

* * *

The Hogwarts Express sped through the Scottish countryside, billows of steam following along behind the train. The Marauders had a compartment to themselves and all of them were rather subdued. For Remus, the full moon was approaching. James was still moping over the Lily situation. Sirius didn't like the idea of seeing Severus only once in the whole two week holiday. And no one had bothered determining what was wrong with Peter. Sirius suspected it was just his uncanny ability to mimic the demeanour of the most important person in every situation, since Peter had nothing else to be upset about. He wasn't stuck in the closet (at least, Sirius assumed he wasn't) with a boy all his friends abhorred, he wasn't in the throes of unrequited love (or Sirius hoped he wasn't—he pitied the girl in that situation), and he definitely wasn't dreading the next full moon.

"Cheer up lads," Sirius mustered as much cheerfulness as he could, "it's the Christmas holidays. Two weeks without classes or homework."

"Or Lily."

"Or fun at the full moon."

"Or fun at all."

"Firstly," Sirius shot James a glare. "Lily treats you like dirt. Maybe you ought to focus on some other girl. Secondly," he glared at Peter, "our full moon excursions are about making Remus feel better, not about entertaining _you_. Thirdly," he looked sadly at Remus, "Sorry we can't come round and help you through this one, mate. We would, but after last time, I doubt your parents would invite us back."

Remus' attempt at a smile was really more of a grimace. "Yeah, I know."

Lucius Malfoy was waiting for Severus when the train pulled up to the platform in Kings Cross. Sirius groaned when he spotted his mother striding purposefully to talk to Lucius. Knowing Walburga, she would spend the next twenty minutes—at least—chatting up Lucius about Lord Voldemort. Surely she would expound on Reg's many wonderful qualities that would make him perfectly suited to the Dark Lord's cause and manage to abuse Sirius all at once.

On the other hand, it was twenty minutes he could spend with Severus before they went their separate ways for nearly all of the Christmas holiday. But he didn't want to have to stand there pretending to glower at Severus when he would much rather be snogging him. And he didn't want to hear Lucius praise Severus for his expected involvement with the Dark Lord's cause.

"Why are you in such a rush, Padfoot?" James frowned.

"Walburga's already on the platform. You know how she is about waiting."

Severus was the only person who got off the train faster than Sirius. He strode toward Lucius quickly, determined not to look back with longing at his boyfriend. His heart jumped to his throat when he saw Lucius speaking to Sirius' mother. This didn't bode well. Severus didn't know if he could be that close to Sirius and control himself.

"Severus," Lucius almost grinned. He probably would have embraced the younger man, but they were in public. "I'd like to introduce you to Mrs. Walburga Black. Walburga, this is Severus Snape. He'll be standing up with me at the wedding."

"A pleasure to meet you, Severus." Walburga's expression looked as if she felt the quite opposite. Her eyes fell on her elder son then, and narrowed dangerously. "Sirius, I see you have let your hair run amok again."

Severus quite liked Sirius' hair. Not that he would mention it to Walburga.

"It's lovely to see you again too, Mother." Sirius said, staring determinedly at his feet.

Walburga brightened and Severus wondered if perhaps she was going to tell Sirius it was nice to see him. Instead, she called, "Reggie!"

Regulus Black was a full head shorter than his older brother, decidedly less attractive, but his departure from the train made Walburga beam like she'd never seen anything more wonderful. She pulled her younger son into a hug and began asking him a flurry of questions.

Sirius raised his eyes to glare at his brother and Severus saw the hurt there.

"Sirius!" Walburga barked, "Please take your brother's trunk. And for heaven's sake, get your hair out of your eyes."

The outrage Severus felt at that moment must have shown on his face, because Sirius shot him a warning look. Unfortunately, Lucius noticed too.

Once Walburga Black and her sons were out of earshot, Lucius frowned at Severus.

"Please don't tell me you've become a member of Sirius Black's fan club?"

Severus was not a member of the fan club, he was its president, but he would never admit that to Lucius.

"No. I just don't think it's fair. Parents should treat their children equally."

"Sirius Black is a blood-traitor and a Gryffindor. You have no business commenting on how his parents ought to treat him." Lucius gripped Severus' arm to prepare for side-along Apparation, and Severus knew the conversation was essentially over. "And he treats you like something stuck to the bottom of his shoe. I wouldn't worry about him, if I were you."

"Right. Of course. You know best, Lucius."

* * *

**A/N: Ah, Walburga. She deserves a mother of the year award, don't you think? **

**Alrighty, enough sarcasm from me. Reviews are greatly appreciated. **


	9. Chapter 9

_**Nine**_

Malfoy Manor had been under intense preparations for weeks. Now that the wedding day had arrived, the Manor looked the best and most impressive Severus had ever seen.

Severus had always assumed most grooms would be a little nervous on their wedding day, but not Lucius. He was calm and collected and more than ready to be married to Narcissa. He'd told Severus how much he desired sons, and of the many rewards Narcissa would receive upon the birth of their first son: an estate of her own anywhere she wished in the world, unlimited access to the Malfoy Gringotts vault (before an heir was produced, she would be on a monthly allowance from Lucius), the list went on and on and on.

Severus pitied Narcissa in some respects. She would be under an enormous amount of pressure as Lucius Malfoy's wife, and she hadn't even properly met the man yet. They'd been introduced a few times, but no one could get a full understanding of Lucius' character from meeting him once or twice, especially in public. He wished them both the best, but he wouldn't hold his breath, waiting for a happy marriage. He knew Lucius far too well for that.

Severus dressed in the formal, well-tailored dress robes Lucius had purchased for him. He peeked at himself in the mirror reluctantly. The robes were smart enough, but they looked out of place on him. Severus was certain Sirius would look significantly better this evening, but he supposed that couldn't be helped. Sirius was infinitely more attractive than Severus, there was no point trying to convince himself otherwise.

There was a quick rap on the door and Lucius entered after a moment's pause. His long blonde hair was tied back with a leather cord and his dress robes were deep, Slytherin green. Narcissa would be wearing silver.

"Severus, it is almost time." Lucius' eyes gave Severus a critical once over, "Your tie needs straightening."

Severus turned back to the mirror and adjusted the offending garment.

"Better?"

"Yes. Do you have the rings?"

Severus patted his pocket to check, "Yes."

"Shall we proceed downstairs then?"

Severus nodded.

The many influential and important guests had already begun arriving and were being shown to their seats. Severus joined Lucius at the front of the ballroom, standing to his left. Little was required of Severus during the ceremony as best man. All he needed to do was hold on to the rings and present them at the proper time. He wasn't required to make any speeches at the reception (thank god) and once the ceremony was over he could slip off somewhere with Sirius.

He scanned the crowd for his boyfriend, finally locating him in the fifth row, sandwiched between his brown-nose of a brother and a surly looking man Severus assumed to be Orion Black. Walburga sat beside Regulus, beaming widely at something her younger said.

Sirius' dark eyes met Severus' and he winked. Severus did his best to keep his expression stoic, but he was certain Sirius had caught the slight twitch of his lips into an almost smile. Even from this distance Severus could see Sirius wore his dress robes well. Perhaps not comfortably, from the way he kept fidgeting with his tie and his cufflinks, but he definitely cut a fine form in them. Several of the daughters (not to mention some of the _wives_) of the influential Ministry men in attendance were sending Sirius appreciative looks.

If Severus were a Gryffindor, he would be wearing all his emotions on his sleeves and be making it very clear that Sirius Black was taken. But as a Slytherin, Severus would never let himself do something so imprudent and instead satisfied himself with glancing at Sirius every few minutes or so.

Sirius caught him nearly every time and grinned slowly for Severus' benefit, throwing in the occasional toss of his head to get his fringe out of his eyes.

Severus returned his attention to the bride and groom once the ceremony began. Both Lucius and Narcissa looked as if they were attending someone's funeral rather than their own wedding, so solemn were the expressions on their faces.

Perhaps it was just Lucius' usual mask, but Severus doubted this. Lucius was marrying Narcissa out of duty to the Malfoy family, not because he loved her. Severus had had a front row seat all his life to the marriage of obligation show. He knew better than to believe Narcissa and Lucius had a chance at real happiness.

* * *

The reception was a lush yet tasteful affair, filled with Ministry people and wealthy Purebloods rubbing elbows and scratching each other's backs. It was so obviously a world that rewarded the rich and powerful and Severus knew he needed to become one of them if he ever wanted to get anywhere in this life.

Severus could feel Sirius' eyes on him as Lucius paraded him around the ballroom, introducing him to all the right people. Eventually, Lucius was obligated to spend time with his bride and Severus was able to slip away.

Sirius spotted him leaving the ballroom and followed, stealing a bottle of champagne from a floating ice bucket as he passed.

"Don't you clean up nice." He hissed in Severus' ear in the corridor outside the ballroom.

Severus nearly jumped out of his skin. "I have been known to wash my hair occasionally, contrary to popular opinion."

Sirius' lips twitched, "Sev, did you just make a joke?"

"Yes. What are you going to do about it?"

"Snog you senseless." Sirius suggested, a wolfish expression on his face.

Severus smirked, "Try and keep it in your pants for a few minutes."

"You're on a roll tonight."

Severus rolled his eyes, "I was being serious that time. Follow me."

He led Sirius through the wide corridors of Malfoy' manor, bypassing the guest room he was staying in. It would be the first place Lucius would look for him. Instead, he cut though the enormous library and climbed one of the rolling ladders to a loft above the shelves.

"Nice." Sirius grinned, "But don't you think they'll see a light if they come in here?"

"They won't come in here." Severus smirked, "I put a repelling charm on the door. Anyone that gets close will immediately feel the need to walk in the opposite direction."

"I'm so lucky I've got myself a clever boyfriend." Sirius leaned in and kissed Severus.

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Severus smirked. "Now, did you have plans for that bottle of champagne, or are we just going to look at it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes before pulling the bottle toward him and frowning at the cork. Rather than attempting to open it by hand, he tapped the bottle with his wand.

"Don't want to turn the cork into a missile," He grinned, "Plus we get more if it doesn't all come bubbling out the top."

"I'm so lucky I've got myself a clever boyfriend." Severus teased.

Sirius took a swig from the bottle before offering it to Severus.

Severus took it and grinned at Sirius, "You're not just trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me, are you?"

"That depends. Do you want me to take advantage of you?" Sirius grinned back easily.

"We'll see," Severus took a tentative sip.

Half the bottle disappeared relatively quickly between the two of them. Severus quite enjoyed the feeling of the alcohol in his system.

"Sirius," He began. "Can I ask you something?"

Sirius shrugged, "Yeah."

"Your mother…has it always been like that, or just since you became a Gryffindor?"

"Always. Both of them have always preferred Reg. I didn't understand it for the longest time. I thought it was firstborns that were the worshipped, beloved ones, you know? And then I heard them fighting one night. I was about twelve, I think. I'd done something rebellious and Walburga was trying to get Orion to talk some sense into me. 'go talk to your son' she said, and Orion said 'he's no son of mine'. Cleared it up quite nicely for me."

"So do you know who…"

Sirius shook his head, "I never really wanted to find out, to be honest. Especially if it's someone I know."

"My father only married my mother because she was pregnant. He met her in a pub and I was conceived the same night. Don't think he ever touched her again after that, other than to smack her around. Probably I've got half-siblings scattered across the country, though, the way he's got around."

"I'm not sure which of us wins in the crap parents department." Sirius took another swig from the champagne bottle.

"I don't think it's a competition. It is what it is and we just have to deal with it."

"I'm moving out as soon as I can." Sirius vowed.

"Me too. I've got a few plans for my father first. I'll be seventeen soon."

"Lucky you. I'm not seventeen until August." Sirius frowned, "Don't do anything stupid, though, Sev. Your father's a Muggle. You could wind up in Azkaban for attacking him."

"Nothing like a mention of Azkaban to completely kill a conversation." Severus frowned.

"I'm not trying to kill the conversation. Just saying, it would kind of suck if my boyfriend spent the rest of his life in prison."

Severus inched closer to him and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to so cautious, you know." He grinned and pulled Severus closer by the front of his robes, to demonstrate.

"We can't both be the outgoing, daring Gryffindor with the sexy grin. One of us has to be the sneaky Slytherin." Before Sirius could react, Severus was straddling his hips and had him pinned to the ground with his hands on his shoulders.

"Point taken." Sirius laughed, "Now that you've got me in a compromising position, are you going to do something about it?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead." Severus smirked and Sirius groaned in frustration. "Oh, all right. If you insist."

Sirius pulled Severus closer to him and kissed him enthusiastically. Severus relaxed into Sirius' arms, the effect of the alcohol beginning to make him sleepy. He pulled away to yawn widely.

Sirius chuckled, "You're hopeless, Sev, you know that? You wind me up and now you're falling asleep."

"'S the champagne."

"Lightweight." Sirius teased, "It's about time I go anyway. I'm sure Orion and Walburga have forgotten about me, but Reg will start poking his nose around trying to catch me up to no good."

"You can't leave." Severus insisted, sitting up abruptly.

"Why not?" Sirius frowned, confused.

"You'll miss out on your Christmas present."

"You got me something?"

"Not exactly."

Sirius felt his heart begin to thud wildly against his ribcage. There was something about the expression on Severus' face, mostly anticipation, with a dash of nerves and a hint of fear that clued him in.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Severus' eyes were wide. "Will you stay?"

"Yes."

* * *

Lucius' eyes scanned the ballroom, searching for Severus. He hadn't seen him since the ceremony, and there was no sign of him now. Lucius was not surprised, he knew how much Severus loathed things like this, but he would have thought the boy he looked upon as a younger brother would have made more of an effort to stick around. No matter. He and Narcissa would be taking their leave shortly anyway. There was a Pureblood legend that if a marriage was consummated before the stroke of midnight on the wedding day, the first-born child would be a son. Lucius normally did not set much store by such things, but when it came to producing an heir, one could not be too careful.

He sought out his wife in the crowd, and spotted her in a conversation with her sister Bellatrix, and her brother-in-law, something or other Lestrange. Glancing at his wristwatch, he decided now was as good a time as any.

Narcissa's blue eyes went wide as saucers when she spotted him approaching and the colour drained out of her face. He supposed this was to be expected, she was only eighteen. She'd get over this fear sooner or later.

He offered her his arm and she placed her small, delicate hand in the crook of his elbow and allowed him to lead her out of the ballroom. Narcissa held her head high, although she felt hundreds of pairs of eyes on her. They all knew where the newly married couple was going and for what purpose, and the thought made her flush from the roots of her hair to the base of her neck. She had not been allowed boyfriends because of her betrothal to Lucius, and the closest she'd ever gotten to experience with the opposite sex was when she was thirteen and a third year Ravenclaw had kissed her on the cheek during a Hogsmeade visit. When Bella got wind of the Ravenclaw's crush on Narcissa, she had scared him away quite effectively and no other boy had so much as looked at her since.

She climbed the stairs with Lucius and tried to keep from hyperventilating. Bella had told her things, but there was a big gap between being told and understanding.

Lucius saw the quivering puddle of nerves his bride was and felt a twinge of guilt. Obviously things she'd been told about him had made her like this.

He stopped outside the bedroom and placed his hands on her shoulders gently. "Please relax, Narcissa. I know you are nervous but I promise I will be patient."

He kissed her forehead softly before opening the door and pulling her over the threshold.

* * *

Sirius kissed Severus' bare shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. Severus felt as if all of his bones had turned to jelly, but in a pleasant way, rather than in a Jelly-Legs jinx sort of way.

"So that's where you got that reputation of yours." The corner of Severus' mouth tugged up in a tired, lopsided smile.

"Afraid so." Sirius grinned.

Severus' expression was one Sirius couldn't read, and Sirius began to worry. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." It did not sound very convincing.

"Sev, c'mon. You have to talk to me. Did I hurt you? Was it too much too soon?"

"No. It's nothing like that. I feel like a stupid girl."

"You're no girl." Sirius chuckled.

"Promise not to mock me?"

"I promise."

"I feel like I can't possibly measure up to all my predecessors."

Sirius stared at him in stunned silence.

Severus took this silence as a confirmation and his face fell into a miserable expression. "It's not like I didn't expect it but—

"Don't be such an idiot." Sirius blurted. "Of course being with you is better with being than any one else."

"Really? You're not just saying that?" Severus' voice was very small.

"Really. I care more about you than all of them combined times three. And that makes all the difference."

* * *

**A/N: Here's the story, morning glories. Today was the first day of my new uni semester and it's likely to be my busiest semester ever. (That's what happens, apparently, the further you progress into your degree…) Anyway, the deal is, I've got 7 more chapters written and the rest of this epic fic is only loosely outlined. I feel I should forewarn you that after Chapter 16, the updates won't be nearly as frequent. Unfortunately, my priority has to be my education. (Don't get too worried, I'm a terrible procrastinator and fanfic is my favourite escape.)**

**Anyway, enough of me. I'll be hovering next to my computer, anxiously awaiting your feedback. **


	10. Chapter 10

_**Ten**_

Sirius snuck out of Malfoy Manor just before dawn, with the help of a rather dotty house-elf with bat-like ears and a nose shaped like a tomato, and Severus returned to his bedroom. He showered before sliding between the sheets of the four-poster to get a few hours of sleep. Needless to say, he and Sirius had done very little sleeping. If they hadn't been lovemaking, they'd been talking.

Severus' sleep was fitful, filled with dreams of the terrible consequences of their actions. Voldemort or James Potter or Lucius could so easily discover them, and it would be disastrous. The Wizarding world was generally accepting when it came to things like this, but Hogwarts was always an exception to any rule. His rivalry with James Potter ran too deep for Potter to just overlook the fact that Severus was his best friend's boyfriend, and Lucius would not tolerate any behaviour in Severus that would jeopardise his position with Lord Voldemort. And Lord Voldemort…Severus couldn't believe he was a particularly understanding or accepting man.

If he were sensible, he would break things off with Sirius. But he was in too deep now to back out. He was more afraid of being without Sirius than being with him.

He rolled out of bed and rummaged in the writing desk beneath the window for parchment and a quill. He knew he was being sentimental and girly, but he couldn't help it. Every molecule in his body craved to be near Sirius.

_miss you already_

Those three words could substitute the other three Severus was too afraid to say right now. Severus walked quietly to the room between the library and Lucius' study where the seven Malfoy eagle owls lived. Severus selected Salazar and set him on his way. He was the fastest of the owls, and would arrive in London in a few hours.

On the return to his room, he collided with Narcissa.

"I'm sorry," Narcissa whispered, "I didn't see you. Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, Mrs Malfoy."

"Honestly Severus, I'm two years older than you. We were at Hogwarts together. You can still call me Narcissa."

"Right. Narcissa. You're up early." Severus wondered then if this was a tactless thing to say to a woman the morning after her wedding. They both knew what she'd been doing the previous night.

"I'm a bit of an early riser. We didn't see you at the reception. My Aunt Walburga was also unable to find my cousin Sirius throughout the whole of the evening."

"I'm sure she was terribly upset about it." Severus said before he could stop himself.

Narcissa took in the outraged expression and Severus' face and began to piece parts of the puzzle together. She knew all about her cousin's reputation and she thought she'd spotted the two of them escaping the reception at the same time. "Let's have a chat, shall we?"

The last thing Severus wanted was a conversation with Lucius' wife about this, but somehow he didn't think he could say no to Narcissa. She led him into the parlour reserved specifically for the lady of the Manor's use.

"Am I right in assuming you and Sirius are romantically involved?"

Severus' silence was confirmation enough.

"You can relax, I'm not going to tell anyone. It's not even my business, really, but I thought I'd let you know that I'm here for you. Sirius is my cousin and he's always been kind to me, which is difficult to find in my family. And Lucius is so terribly fond of you, I would hate it if you and I couldn't get along."

"I'm afraid." Severus blurted, cursing himself for doing it. "If anyone at school finds out about me and Sirius, we don't have a chance. And Lucius will never accept this."

"You never know. He could surprise you."

"I know you're his wife, but the two of you only really met last night. Trust me, he's never going to accept the fact that I'm gay." Saying it out loud made it frighteningly real. "And Voldemort won't like it much either." Wasn't that the largest understatement in the history of the world?

"You've done a good job of keeping it secret thus far." Narcissa frowned, "I wouldn't worry about it."

"But I don't want to live in secrecy forever. I want a real life with Sirius, not a lifetime of sneaking around with him and pretending to hate him in public." It terrified Severus, the intensity with which he felt the desire to be with Sirius, in a real, public relationship.

"I wish I could help more. I can promise you both a safe haven or a rendezvous place once I give birth to a male heir, but until then I am rather powerless."

"Why are you so eager to help? I don't believe it's just because you want to get along with me for Lucius' benefit."

"You're risking everything you have to be with someone you love. I was never allowed the chance to fall in love. There's too much hate in this world and the love that is here needs to be looked after, or it's liable to turn to hate too."

Severus didn't know how to respond. Any way he did would be as good as admitting he was in love with Sirius. It may have been the truth, but he wasn't about to go telling everyone he knew. Some discretion was required in cases such as these.

"Thank you." Severus said after an awkward pause.

Narcissa nodded once before turning her head towards the door. "I think I hear Lucius. We best both get back to where we ought to be."

* * *

"Where have _you_ been?" Walburga snarled as Sirius crossed the threshold into the kitchen. "Still wearing the clothes from last night, I see."

Sirius flicked his hair out of his eyes and ignored his mother's comments, collecting a plate of food from Kreacher, the family house elf. He hated Sirius just as much as Sirius' parents did, maybe more, so fierce was his loyalty to his master and mistress.

Sirius started towards the stairs to go eat in his room, but before he could, he felt the familiar cloud of blankness filling his mind and his mother's voice echoing around his empty head, "Sit down, Sirius."

He fought it as much as he could, but Sirius was inevitably powerless against Walburga's Imperius curse. He dropped into a chair and slammed his plate down on the table.

"I do not care to know what or whom you were doing last night, but I will not tolerate such disrespectful behaviour in my own house. Firstly, we're going to do something about your hair, because it is beyond ridiculous." Walburga muttered a few spells and Sirius felt most of the weight from his head disappear. His hand jumped to his head to discover his mother had shorn off _all_ of his hair and he was now sporting a close-cropped, military look.

"Mother!" He roared in protest.

"Oh, calm down. I'm sure one of your friends knows a growth charm and you'll get it back to it's usual sloppiness in no time."

"Then what's the point of changing it?"

"Because I can." Walburga smiled cruelly. "Now, your brother has a dinner at Malfoy Manor this evening and your father and I are going to a Christmas party. We are loathe to leave you in the house on your own, but it seems we have no other choice."

"Is Father afraid I'll make off with the Black family good silver? Seeing as it doesn't actually belong to me."

Walburga went slightly pale, before snapping, "Honestly, the nonsense that comes out of your mouth sometimes."

"We both know it's not nonsense, Mother."

"_You_ don't know anything. Your performance on your O.W.L.s made that abundantly clear."

"Happy Christmas to you too, Mother."

Sirius pushed away from the table and stormed out of the room. He stomped up the two flights of stairs and slammed his door twice for good measure. When he glanced at his windowsill, he found a giant eagle owl waiting for him. He crossed to the window and pushed it half open, letting the bird hop inside.

There was a scrap of parchment tied to its leg and Sirius untied it quickly, unfurling it to recognise Severus' slanted handwriting.

The words on the parchment made Sirius' bad mood disappear and he sat at his own desk to scrawl off a reply.

_Miss you more. _

_Walburga chopped off all my hair. Will you help me re-grow it when we get back to school? I suppose you'll be seeing my git of a brother tonight. Be sure to embarrass him in front of everyone for me. _

_Also, I nicked your long-sleeved black t-shirt, in case you're looking for it. It smelled like you. _

Sirius found he could write things to Severus he would never actually be able to say in person. Perhaps it was years in this household, but Sirius didn't know how to show affection. He could be physically involved with people, but he was an emotional idiot. It was difficult, caring this much for Severus when he knew it was a relationship destined for disaster. Voldemort or Lucius or James would come between them, it was only a matter of time.

* * *

_Sirius,_

_I don't think Lucius will appreciate it if I humiliate your brother. He seems to share your parents' opinion where Regulus is concerned. _

_I've been trying to imagine your short hair and I really hope it doesn't look as bad as I've pictured it. How will you ever accomplish the sexy grin hair-flip combo without the hair to flip? _

_I had noticed my shirt missing, actually. I'll be sure to steal one of yours the next time I see you. _

_Severus_

_

* * *

_

_Sev,_

_I'm sure my hair looks __worse__ than you're imagining. You'll have to fix it if you ever want to see another hair-flip again._

_Are you sure you can't make Reg look like an idiot? Maybe if he's awkward enough, Voldemort won't let him join the club. On second thought, let him join and why can't you make a fool out of yourself?_

_Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_ Sirius,_

_ You know I can't do that. I don't want to talk about Voldemort. I know he puts you in a bad mood. _

_ Sev_

_

* * *

_

_ It's not him that puts me a bad mood. _

_ Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_ What is it then?_

_ Sev_

_

* * *

_

_ I don't want to talk about it. Enjoy your dinner party._

_

* * *

_

Severus sat around the Malfoy Manor dining room table with the other sixth year Slytherins, some seventh years and a few fifth years, Regulus Black included.

At the heads of the table sat Lucius and Lord Voldemort himself. He was an intimidating man, with dark hair and classically handsome features. His skin looked as if it had never seen the sun and his eyes gleamed with power and something else Severus couldn't recognise. Lucius had seated him directly to Voldemort's left, and the guest of honour turned to address Severus.

"Severus Snape, I believe." Voldemort spoke in a hushed voice, not wanting to be overheard.

"Yes, sir."

"Lucius has explained to me your…special circumstances. You are a half-blood?"

"Yes. My mother is a Prince. My father is a lousy Muggle drunk."

"I see something of myself in you, Severus. You see, my father too was less than satisfactory. Lucius also tells me you have an aptitude for Potions."

"Yes sir."

"Are you working on anything at the moment?"

"Professor Slughorn—

"I am not interested in what Horace is teaching you. The man is an idiot, very easily influenced. I am asking about your _personal_ ventures outside of the classroom."

"I don't have much opportunity," Severus admitted, "but I've improved several of the potions instructions in the sixth year Potions textbook, making them more potent. Things like that…come easily to me."

"This is good to hear. You sit your N.E.W.T.s next year?"

Severus nodded.

"Provided you do well on those and don't do anything…foolish between now and then, I will pay for you to receive further education in Potions so you can contribute your particular talents to our cause."

"I'm very honoured, sir."

Voldemort's eyes narrowed, "Remember, nothing foolish."

Severus shuddered a little at the dangerous look in Voldemort's eyes. There was something reptilian about them.

Regulus Black sat across the table from Severus, on Voldemort's right.

When he addressed Regulus, his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear, "Regulus, you have a brother in Gryffindor, do you not?"

"Yes. My parents have spent the last six years rather displeased with him."

"I imagine so. Your parents are very supportive of the cause, and obviously a blood traitor for a son is an obstacle against them."

"He's more than a blood traitor." Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Voldemort arched an eyebrow.

"He's slept his way through half of Hogwarts. There were rumours he'd gotten a seventh year pregnant last year."

"A father at fifteen. Tsk tsk." Voldemort clicked his tongue. "Anything else we should know about your brother?"

"He's not sleeping around anymore. At least, not with girls."

Regulus met Severus eyes over the table and Severus knew that he knew.

"How very enlightening. I understand why your parents are having such difficulties with him."

* * *

_ Your brother knows about us. He mentioned to Voldemort you're not interested in girls anymore. He left me out of it, but there's no guarantee that he won't tell. _

Sirius swore colourfully under his breath. He strode out of his room and across the hall into his brother's.

"Are you spying on me?" Sirius snarled.

"Someone has to keep an eye on you. I'm not an idiot. I saw you sneak off with Snape during Lucius' wedding."

"Keep your nose out, Reg, or I swear—

"I'm not going to rat the two of you out."

Sirius gaped at his brother.

"Voldemort likes Snape for some reason. He spoke to him alone in Lucius' study for twenty minutes after dinner. And Malfoy treats Snape like his brother. Obviously getting on Snape's bad side isn't going to get me anywhere."

"You're not as dumb as you look, Reg."

"I guess it evens out then, since you're ten times dumber than you look. You're an idiot if you think no one is going to find out."

Sirius turned on his heel and strode out of his brother's room, slamming the door behind him. Inside his own room, he paced furiously for a few moments. He felt like time was running away from him. Obviously as Voldemort gained more power and more supporters, the closer Sirius and Severus would be to the end of their relationship. Sirius didn't like admitting the dread that filled him with that thought. He hunched over his desk, hastily scrawling a note to Severus and sending it with the Malfoy owl that was still waiting there.

_I need to see you. Can you arrange to get back to Hogwarts early?_

_

* * *

_

_I'm not sure._

_

* * *

_

_ Please._

_

* * *

_

There was something so desperate in Sirius' one-worded letter that Severus couldn't refuse.

_I'll be there tomorrow._

Severus didn't know how Lucius would feel about his returning to school early, but he needed to try. Perhaps he would go to Narcissa first. She had told him she was a sympathetic ear, after all. If Lucius didn't agree, he'd have to sneak out. He packed his trunk quickly. He wanted to be ready, no matter which option he ended up with.

Once his trunk was packed, he strode down the hall to Narcissa's private sitting room and tapped on the door lightly. He heard her soft voice invite him in and he eased the door open slowly. To his disappointment, he discovered Lucius also in the room with Narcissa.

"Severus," Lucius practically beamed at him. "We were just discussing the Dark Lord's approval of you."

"Oh." Severus tried to look pleased and failed miserably.

"What's wrong?" Narcissa's face creased with concern.

"I was wondering…I feel as if…would you be terribly angry with me if I went back to Hogwarts tomorrow?"

"You want to go back to school? This early?" Lucius frowned. It was not a good sign.

"Well, it's just…it's your honeymoon and I don't want to be an imposition."

"You're not imposing, is he, Cissy?"

"Of course not." Narcissa looked on him with kind eyes, "Is it perhaps about what we discussed the other morning?"

Severus nodded.

"What did you discuss?" Lucius looked confused. "When?"

"Severus and I happened upon each other the morning after the wedding. He's been having a…relationship problem and asked my advice."

"Have you found a girlfriend, Severus?" Lucius asked.

"Not exactly. There's someone I like, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way. She's staying at school over the holiday and I was hoping maybe if I was there too…"

Severus had never told an outright lie to Lucius before, and he hoped the man couldn't tell.

"Well, then, I think you must go back. Who is this girl?"

"I…erm…"

"He wouldn't tell me either." Narcissa said quickly, "Doesn't want to jinx it."

"Ah…of course. You have my blessing to go...make a move?"

Severus nodded and thanked Lucius.

"We'll send you through the Floo tomorrow morning."

* * *

"I'm going back to school tomorrow." Sirius announced at dinner, running a hand over his shorn hair.

Orion didn't even look up from his steak and kidney pie and Reg shot him a look across the table that said, _I know exactly what you're doing_.

Walburga pursed her lips and seemed to be counting backwards from ten, which was odd, since she rarely attempted to control her temper with him. When she did speak, all she said was, "Fine."

He'd been hoping for a fight, but wasn't going to complain about not having to get in a screaming match over going back to Hogwarts, when he knew full well they'd have a celebratory dinner tomorrow night to rejoice in his absence.

All that mattered was he would see Severus in less than twenty-four hours.

* * *

**A/N: Oh, that Walburga, using Unforgivables on Sirius and cutting off all his beautiful hair. Whatever shall we do with her?**

**I am excessively fond of reviews. :-)**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Eleven**_

Sirius arrived at Hogwarts before Severus did. He had Flooed directly into the Gryffindor common room, giving a few first years the fright of their lives and attracting attention from two fourth year girls, who he heard bemoaning the loss of his hair as he climbed the stairs to the sixth year boys' dormitory, his trunk floating behind him.

The absence of trunks in the circular dormitory indicated he would have the entire room to himself for the remaining week of the holiday. He had no intention of letting James or Remus or Peter know that he was at school. They would all want to come back, and Sirius wanted a completely uninterrupted week with Severus. Perhaps it was selfish of him, but he didn't want to waste the time they had left, because it was beginning to feel more and more limited.

He let his trunk drop at the foot of his bed and dove onto the mattress, reaching for the map in the drawer of the nightstand between his bed and James'.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The corridors and passageways and staircases and rooms and occupants of the entire castle bled onto the map in black ink, and Sirius scanned the entire castle like a hawk for Severus' name. Finally, after half an hour of waiting, the tiny black dot appeared in the Slytherin common room.

"Mischief managed." Sirius muttered, tapping the map with his wand and shoving it back in the drawer. He bolted out of the dormitory, down the stairs, through the common room and burst through the portrait hole. Severus would meet him in the Room of Requirement, Sirius was sure of it, and he sprinted there, ignoring the paintings on the walls insisting he slow down.

He paced in front of the invisible door three times, concentrating. When it materialised, he yanked it open and dashed into the room. He didn't know why he was in such a hurry. Severus wouldn't have had time to get up here.

But Severus was there. Perhaps there were more secret Slytherin passageways Sirius didn't know about.

"Your hair—

Severus was cut off by Sirius' body colliding with his and his boyfriend's lips capturing his own. Caught off guard, Severus staggered backwards onto the worn-out sofa and Sirius tumbled on top of him.

Severus reached a hand up and ran it over Sirius' close-cropped hair. Sirius yanked his head away.

"Tickles." He muttered. "I missed you."

"Obviously." Severus' voice made Sirius' entire body relax.

"I've missed that most." Sirius said softly.

"It's only been a few days." Severus whispered.

"I know." Sirius flushed, looking sheepish. He kissed Severus again, his hands cradling Severus' face. Unable to stop himself, Severus ran his hand over Sirius' scalp again.

"Sev," Sirius whined, "You're making it very difficult for me to snog you properly."

"I'm sorry," Severus fought to keep the smile off his face, "You just don't look like you. It's very distracting."

"Can you fix it?"

"Yes."

"Will you?"

"Oh fine." Severus grinned and pulled his wand out of his pocket. A few charms later and Sirius again had his fringe hanging in his eyes.

"Much better." Severus nodded.

"No more distractions, then? Can I kiss you uninterrupted now?"

"Please do."

Severus wound his hands in Sirius' hair. Their lips met in an open-mouthed kiss, their tongues already dancing together familiarly. Sirius' hands worked at the buttons on Severus' shirt and they separated briefly so Severus could free his arms and Sirius yanked his own t-shirt off over his head. He sat for a moment, straddling Severus' hips and just looked at him. Severus' face flushed under the scrutiny and he squirmed.

"What?"

"I love you." Sirius whispered.

Severus' reaction was so instantaneous and intense that it surprised both of them. He pulled Sirius back down, so they were pressed bare torso to bare torso. His lips captured Sirius' fiercely, and his hands held Sirius as close as he possibly could.

Severus was not accustomed to being loved. Love was not a word he heard often at Spinner's End, nor did he ever expect to hear it from Sirius. Severus knew part of him had been waiting for (and dreading) the day when Sirius realised he was risking everything for Severus, when he could have _anyone_.

"Need air." Sirius gasped. He pulled away slightly, panting.

"I love you too." Severus said so softly, Sirius only just heard him. The innocent, vulnerable expression on Severus' face made Sirius forget his desperate need for oxygen.

* * *

"You're very stupid, you know." Severus said softly. Sirius was lying on his back, one arm behind his head. Severus lay across Sirius' chest, his chin resting on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius' other hand was stroking Severus' spine with feather-light touches. Their legs were tangled together beneath the sheets of the bed the Room of Requirement had offered up.

"I have no doubt that I am. You'll have to be more specific though, as I'm not sure which of my many stupidities you're referring to."

Severus pressed a kiss to Sirius' chest, "You could be with anyone. And you're here with _me_."

"Well, obviously." Sirius rolled his eyes, "I'm hardly going to give up the best shag I've ever had."

"Be serious."

"I wasn't aware I was being anyone else." Sirius grinned.

"You know what I mean." Severus insisted.

"I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't think there's a single person on this planet with a more appealing voice that also has the strong, silent type thing _and_ the dark and dangerous thing going for him. You're like a triple threat."

Severus sighed, "Forgive me if I don't believe you. You are, after all, a little biased."

"Well so are you. You're one of the few people that actually thinks I'm so great."

"Everyone loves you, Sirius."

"No. Everyone wants me. There's a big difference."

"It must be nice, to be so sure of yourself." Severus teased.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "This coming from the one who never backs down from a challenge."

"That's different."

"Not really." Sirius brushed some of Severus' hair off his face. "What I do takes no skill at all, just an alarming amount of arrogance. The things you do take real intelligence. Being able to think on your feet. Knowing how to read people."

"I'd rather be well-liked."

Sirius chuckled, "I like you just fine. Does that count?"

"Oh, I suppose." Severus grinned, sliding closer so he could kiss Sirius deeply.

"Can I ask you something?" Severus didn't recognise the tone of Sirius' voice and he pulled back to look at him.

"Yes."

"We couldn't make it through the whole Christmas holiday without needing to see each other. What are we going to do during the Easter holiday? Or summer?"

Secretly, Severus was thrilled Sirius was worried about things so far into the future.

"As much as we can, I suppose. No reason we can't stay here over the Easter holidays. And Muggle London is a big place. I'm sure we could find somewhere to meet in the summer."

Sirius laced his fingers with Severus'. "We're never going to be able to do this in public, are we?"

"Hold hands?" Severus asked, playing dumb. He knew what Sirius was asking just as much as Sirius knew it was impossible.

"Anything. My friends would kill you; Lucius Malfoy or Voldemort would kill me. We'll never have a real relationship."

"Just because this is secret doesn't mean it isn't real." Severus insisted. "It feels real to both of us. Why does it matter if we can't walk through the corridors holding hands?"

"It doesn't really. I just wish there wasn't such a ticking clock."

"What do you mean?" Severus frowned.

"You know Voldemort thinks what we are is wrong. Sick. Unnatural."

"Don't say that." There was nothing more natural to Severus than loving Sirius.

Sirius sighed. He brought his lips to Severus' tenderly, briefly, before continuing. "I'm not saying that we are. I'm saying that's what he thinks. He's not going to let one of his followers get away with something he doesn't condone."

"So? We won't tell him."

"Please, Sev, promise me you're not that naïve."

Severus looked at their joined hands. "No. I'm not. But I don't want to talk about this. We still have time."

_Not much_, Sirius thought. And they really didn't. Three more terms at Hogwarts, one summer and that was it. Sirius was not under any illusions that this could continue beyond then. If Voldemort were to find out, it would most certainly mean death for both of them.

But Severus kissed him then, welcoming Sirius' tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth and Sirius allowed himself to forget.

* * *

Dumbledore knew they were back in the castle. Dumbledore always knew. So when a message arrived for them in the Room of Requirement two days after they'd returned to Hogwarts, neither of them bothered feigning surprise. They were too intelligent to think Dumbledore would never find out. The Headmaster had probably known from the beginning. And if not the beginning, definitely from the time Madam Pince caught them in the library.

The corridors were empty as they made their way to Dumbledore's office early Saturday morning. Remembering their earlier conversation, Severus reached over and wrapped his hand around Sirius'.

This was the way they entered the Headmaster's office, and he did not look the least bit surprised.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Snape, please have a seat." They sat in the two chairs opposite Dumbledore's enormous desk, their linked hands bridging the gap between their seats. Sirius couldn't bring himself to let go of Severus' hand.

"I have to say, when I assigned you both weekly detentions, I had no idea this would be the outcome." Dumbledore began.

"Neither did we, sir." Sirius said. He caressed the back of Severus' hand with his thumb. Severus squeezed Sirius' hand in return.

"Considering there have been no violent attacks against Mr. Snape from Misters Potter, Lupin or Pettigrew, I believe it is a safe assumption that it is not common knowledge you and Mr Snape are together. Am I correct in assuming this, Mr. Black?"

"I think you'd probably have a pretty good idea if anyone else knew we're together. You know more about what goes on in this school than you let on."

"An interesting observation, Mr. Black." Dumbledore looked at them both over his half-moon spectacles, a knowing expression in his blue eyes. "However, we are not here to discuss the things I do and do not know about my students."

"What are we here to discuss?" Severus asked. He had little tolerance Dumbledore's tendency to beat around the bush rather than getting straight to the point. One would think the man running the most prestigious magical school in the world might have other things demanding his time more important than getting into a verbal sparring match with Sirius.

"Well, as the term has ended, so has your detention requirement."

Sirius' heart sank. He'd forgotten that. It would make getting away to see Severus that much harder.

"However, if you so wish it, I can extend your punishment." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Obviously, you would not be required to report to Madam Pince any longer. I do not think your respective friends would find it too far-fetched to believe the two of you are being sentenced to further detentions because the message didn't quite sink in yet."

Sirius never thought he would be so happy to be given detention in his whole life.

"I think they'd definitely believe that." Sirius agreed.

"May I ask a question sir?" Severus was frowning slightly. Sirius wanted to reach out and smooth the crease in his boyfriend's forehead with his fingertips, but resisted in front of the headmaster.

"You have just asked me one, but you may ask another." Dumbledore smiled wryly.

"Why are you helping us? I'm grateful that you are, but you aren't exactly rushing out to help the rest of the school snog without getting caught."

Dumbledore's smile grew a little wider. "I should have expected you'd ask the difficult questions, Mr Snape. Let's just say I understand your situation and leave it at that, shall we?"

Severus nodded. It had been a rather personal question, so it didn't surprise him that Dumbledore had given an ambiguous answer.

"If you don't mind, Mr Snape, I have something private to discuss with Mr Black."

Sirius frowned, confused. The only time Dumbledore ever needed to speak with him was when he was in trouble.

Severus nodded and left the office, closing the door behind him. He waited at the top of the stairs for Sirius.

"Voldemort wants him." Dumbledore said. It was not a question.

"Voldemort _has_ him, I think." Sirius frowned. "He's going to pay for Sev to get more Potions education after Hogwarts."

"Perhaps your relationship might convince him to change his mind?" Dumbledore looked hopeful.

"I may be his boyfriend, sir, but Lucius Malfoy is, for all intents and purposes, his brother."

"But if you were to _ask_ him—

"I won't do that, sir," Sirius interrupted. "I won't manipulate him like that. It's his life and he can make his own choices."

"Even if it means he'll be a Death Eater the day he finishes school?"

"Yes."

"What did he want?" Severus asked, as they descended the staircase, holding hands again.

"He wants me to manipulate you out of joining Voldemort." There was no sense in lying about it.

"What did you tell him?"

"I said no, of course. Firstly, I wouldn't be able to even if I tried. And secondly, I could never try. Your life is yours to live as you choose and I refuse to be one of those controlling, micromanaging boyfriends. I won't put you in that position."

Severus looked at him with wide eyes, "You promise?"

"Of course."

Severus squeezed Sirius' hand. Surely Sirius knew he was probably the only one who _could_ convince Severus not to join Voldemort. If he didn't, he was rather blind.

* * *

**A/N: I'll warn you now; you're all going to HATE me for Chapter 12. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. =]**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Twelve**_

The start of the new term was definitely not a welcome thing for Sirius and Severus. They'd gotten accustomed to spending every minute of every day together. Sirius liked being able to touch Severus whenever he wanted, not having to worry if anyone was watching or how much time they had before they had to part ways again. With the return of their peers and the beginning of classes, they'd be back to stealing moments wherever and whenever they could.

However, Sirius was pleased to see his friends again at dinner that evening. Remus looked a little worse for the wear, as the full moon had landed directly over Christmas. James was, as per usual, on Lily-alert, his eyes scanning the Gryffindor table for her auburn hair. Peter was attempting to tell them about his holiday, but none of them were really listening. Occasionally, Sirius felt guilty for how often Peter fell by the wayside; he seemed like more of a tagalong than a friend. But he was loyal and tough enough to put up with the teasing and the taunts from his friends.

"My parents send their love," James said, turning his attention back to Sirius. "How was Christmas with Orion and Walburga?"

"Ugh." Sirius groaned, "Not very merry, that's for sure. Lucius Malfoy's wedding was Christmas Eve. I didn't come home until Christmas morning—

"That certainly sounds like a very merry Christmas," Remus grinned.

"—and Walburga and I got into a huge row. Which of course started me and Reg off, since all he does is agree with her. Orion, as per usual, was not seen for the entire holiday. As he doesn't have a job, I'm rather mystified about what he does locked away in his study for days on end."

Sirius didn't mention that his mother had used an Unforgivable curse on him, nor did he feel the need to tell them he'd returned to Hogwarts very soon after this argument.

"I reckon you should just move in with me." James suggested. "My parents consider you their second son anyway."

"Sirius Potter doesn't quite have the same ring to it as Sirius Black though." Sirius smirked.

"I doubt the Potters would adopt you. You'd just be a runaway living in their house." Peter said.

"I know, Wormy. It was a joke." Sirius rolled his eyes. He couldn't help glancing at the Slytherin table, seeking out Severus. He found him between Avery and Mulciber. He was staring down at his plate, not making conversation with anyone, his inky hair falling in dark curtains on either side of his face. Sirius willed his boyfriend to look up at him, and suddenly, as if Severus had felt Sirius' eyes on his face, he did.

Severus' almost onyx eyes met Sirius' hazel ones. Severus' eyes slid to the left and right before returning to Sirius'. _Later, _he mouthed, his eyebrows meeting together the way they did when he asked a question. Sirius nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Who are you making eyes at now?" James asked, turning to look at the spot over his shoulder where Sirius had been gazing. Luckily, Severus had looked away and James' eyes fell on Ravenclaw Harmony Greengrass.

"Back to the Ravenclaws, are you?"

"You're just jealous." Sirius grinned.

"Who isn't?" Remus agreed.

"I suppose this means you'll be sleeping elsewhere tonight." Peter said with the subtlety of an ox.

"What's it to you?" Sirius scowled.

"Someone else has to put up with your snoring instead of us." Peter snapped.

"I don't snore."

"Hate to break it to you mate, but you do. Like you're trying to inhale the furniture."

Sirius thought they were exaggerating. Sev would have said something if he snored, so he shrugged off the comments.

"Is she a freak?" James whispered conspiratorially, glancing at Harmony again, "She looks like she might be. All buttoned up and regimented. I'll bet once you get her clothes off—

"C'mon Prongs. You know I don't fuck and tell."

James pulled a disappointed face before asking Remus, "Do you know if Lily—

"No." Remus said before James could continue. "Lily and I don't talk about anything except Prefect stuff."

"Honestly Prongs," Sirius rolled his eyes, "Why don't you just apologise to her for being such a prat for the past six years and then snog her?"

"I haven't been a prat." James scowled.

"She obviously thinks you have."

Harmony Greengrass left her place at the Ravenclaw table and headed for the Entrance Hall.

Sirius took this as his opportunity to escape, "Gentlemen," he said, with a devilish grin.

Severus watched Sirius as he crossed the Great Hall. He needed to remind himself to give his boyfriend a five-minute head start, because every molecule in his body wanted to be near Sirius.

* * *

"This is so frustrating." Sirius frowned. His body was wrapped around Severus' and the time was nearing midnight. They only had a few hours left before they had to slip back to their dormitories.

"I know," Severus whispered, kissing Sirius' frowning lips softly. "I wish we didn't have to hide."

Sirius didn't want to say the thought that had leapt to his mind, but it managed to escape. "If you weren't going to join Voldemort, we wouldn't have to hide."

Severus wrenched himself away from Sirius and Sirius could already feel the anger coming off his body in waves. "You _promised_ you wouldn't do this."

"We both know it's the truth. If you didn't have your heart set on becoming a loyal Death Eater, we wouldn't have to be afraid of being murdered for our relationship. The worst we'd have to deal with would be a few taunts from our classmates."

"That's easy for you to say," Severus snarled, "You're Sirius Black, the great charmer. You can do no wrong, because the entire Hogwarts population is so hot for you that they don't care."

"Jealousy isn't attractive, Snivellus." Sirius sneered, hating himself.

"Goodbye, Sirius." Severus said flatly, getting out of bed and gathering his clothes before leaving the Room of Requirement.

Sirius stayed in the bed for a few moments before rolling out. He dressed quickly before walking back to Gryffindor Tower. He didn't bother hiding or trying to be discreet. He didn't care whether or not Filch caught him.

He still couldn't process that for the first time in his life, he, Sirius Black, had just been dumped, and by the only person that he actually wanted to be with. It was far too ironic for his tastes.

* * *

Severus seethed all the way back to the dungeons. Only once he was alone in his bed in the sixth-year boys' dormitory did the enormity of what he'd just done dawn on him. He had walked away from his relationship with Sirius. The boy he was in love with. But Severus was too proud to go back and apologise, not when he knew he was right.

Still, he couldn't ignore the fact that all he wanted to do right now was curl up in a ball in his bed and cry. He wouldn't of course, but he wanted to.

* * *

Seconds, minutes, hours, days and weeks crawled by. Sirius didn't realise he would miss Severus this much, that every single fibre of his being needed to be near Severus. His hair was shorn off again (through no fault of his own, Walburga had sent him a hexed letter. Reg had probably written home about his long hair the second he arrived at Hogwarts) and he hadn't bothered putting it right. Every girl in Hogwarts (and several of the boys) mourned the loss of the sexy way Sirius' fringe fell into his eyes.

James, Remus and Peter continually tried to cheer him up, but they didn't really know what was wrong. They would never guess that getting dumped was the cause of all Sirius' problems.

The worst part, of course, was seeing Severus carry on as if nothing had happened. He gave off absolutely no indication that nothing was wrong. He'd even started becoming friendly with the other Slytherin boys in his year. Sirius often spied them laughing together during dinner, which he resented. He used to be the only one who could make Severus laugh.

Midway through February, James decided it was time to put a stop to all this. After dinner one evening, he pulled Sirius aside on the way back up to the common room.

Without any warning, he pulled his fist back and let it fly into his best friend's face.

Sirius staggered back in surprise, "What the fuck was that for?"

"Snap out of it!" James shouted. "You've been moping around since Christmas and we're all tired of it. You've had plenty of time to get over it and now you need to move on."

"You don't even know what you're talking about."

"Maybe not, but it doesn't really matter. The Padfoot I know would never mope like this. Let me know when he's back." James snapped, turning to leave.

"Hey Prongs," Sirius called. James turned and felt Sirius' fist connect with his face before he even noticed his hand moving. "He never backs down from a fight either," Sirius grinned.

James grinned back, his bloody nose matching Sirius'. "No, he doesn't."

* * *

Severus watched Sirius more closely than the Gryffindor would have ever realised. He remembered worrying when Sirius showed up to breakfast one morning with his short hair, before reminding himself that it wasn't his business to worry. He eyed his former boyfriend as he slipped deeper into his melancholy and Severus forced himself to remain in his seat and not to go and wrap his arms around Sirius. Severus was angry the day Sirius entered the Great Hall grinning. Yes, it meant the end of his depression, but it also meant he'd shagged someone else.

The someone else became apparent almost immediately. Sirius walked hand-in-hand through the corridors, was spied kissing in empty classrooms and corridors with none other than Freddie Ashemore. Ashemore was a tall, blonde, gorgeous Gryffindor seventh year. That both he and Sirius turned out to be gay broke nearly every single female heart in Hogwarts. (The males of the same persuasion however, rejoiced. They knew the relationship wouldn't last long. Sirius and Freddie were both notorious sluts. A break-up was inevitable, sooner or later. They all hoped for sooner.)

Severus glowered at Freddie and Sirius. He contemplated poisoning Freddie, before deciding to wallow in self-pity instead. Sirius had chosen someone who wanted to be out and wasn't preserving his reputation for a lifetime of service to Lord Voldemort. Severus got _that_ message loud and clear.

* * *

Freddie Ashemore knew he was being used to make someone else jealous. He didn't much care because Sirius was such an excellent shag. He was curious though. That his predecessor had managed to make Sirius Black a lovesick monogamist was shocking and Freddie wasn't the only one who wondered which boy among their fellow students was capable of such a thing.

Sirius and Freddie were snogging in a corridor behind some goblin war tapestry (Hogwarts was chock full of them. Would it kill someone to bring in a few cheerful tapestries? Maybe some with unicorns?) both blissfully unaware that Freddie was minutes away from getting the answer to the question that was always in the back of his mind.

Sirius was pinned between Freddie and the cool stone wall. One of Sirius hands was roaming inside Freddie's shirt, caressing the smooth, flat planes of Freddie's well-muscled chest. The other hand was gripping the perfect curve of Freddie's backside, keeping him pressed close to Sirius' body. Freddie was kissing and nibbling at Sirius' neck, just below his jaw, marking his territory, as it were, in case anyone got any ideas about whom Sirius belonged to.

Freddie's lips travelled back up to Sirius' mouth, capturing it. Sirius eagerly welcomed Freddie's tongue. Freddie slid one of his hands teasingly down Sirius' torso, between them, until he stroked Sirius' stiff cock through the fabric of his feeling-much-too-tight trousers. Sirius thrust against Freddie's hand and moaned into Freddie's mouth.

Someone coughed in surprise and tried to escape the corridor, but stumbled on the way out. Sirius would recognise his ex-boyfriend anywhere.

"Sev?" He gasped before he could stop himself. Severus was already gone and Freddie was gaping at him in surprise.

"Severus Snape?"

"Don't say anything to anyone." Sirius demanded instantly. The look in his eyes left no room for argument.

"Snape afraid to come out, or something?" Freddie frowned.

"It's more complicated than that. Just…don't say anything. Please?"

"Fine," Freddie shrugged, before resuming their activities without another thought.

Sirius, however, couldn't get Severus' face out of his mind (not that he ever really could) and suddenly had very little interest in snogging the blonde Gryffindor with the perfect body when he'd much rather have the dark-haired Slytherin with the velvet voice.

He didn't stop snogging Freddie, however. He just pretended he was snogging Sev instead.

* * *

Upon discovering that she couldn't have Sirius Black because he was gay, Lily Evans wondered if she ought to give up on the Marauders entirely. Her interests had never been in Peter's favour, for obvious reasons. Remus was _too_ nice. She was certain he'd make someone a wonderful husband someday, but at sixteen she wasn't interested in dating someone who was husband material. She didn't want anything serious. Which was exactly why James wasn't an option. Besides the fact that he was an arrogant, bullying toe-rag, James Potter was too much in love with her (or thought he was) for her tastes. She didn't want to be idolised.

What Lily didn't know then (and it probably would have changed her feelings about James Potter entirely) was that James had decided to give up. He'd mooned over her for nearly six years, and there was only so much rejection he could take. He'd gotten it through his thick skull, she wasn't interested and she wasn't going to be anytime soon, if at all. And James decided he was okay with that.

Well, he was semi-okay with it. He was on the road to being okay with it. It had been a challenging term, what with finding out his best mate was gay and deciding to give up on the girl of his dreams in the span of a few weeks.

He was looking forward to the Easter holiday. Getting away from Hogwarts for a few weeks would give him an opportunity to clear his head and come to terms with everything. It would probably be easiest forgetting about Lily when he didn't have to see her every day.

"You wanna come to mine for the holiday?" James offered.

Sirius considered. He hadn't been to James' house in a long time.

"I think I should stay here." Sirius said after a long moment.

"Should?" James frowned.

"Prongs, I'm your best mate. I can tell when you need to be alone."

"What are you going to do? Go home?"

"When hell freezes over," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Freddie asked me to his, but I'm not really good at the whole meet-the-parents thing."

"You wouldn't know either way. You've never had a relationship that's lasted this long."

It wasn't true, but Sirius wasn't going to argue. Arguing would open another whole can of worms that he didn't want to get into. If there was ever a proper time and place to tell James about Severus (and he doubted that there would be), this most definitely wasn't it.

"Still, it's a little too much for me. I mean, I just like shagging the guy, really. I'm not too interested in him otherwise."

"So it's no different than any of your short-lived relationships with girls," James grinned.

"Exactly."

"So you'll stay here then?"

"Why not? I'm sure I can find something to entertain me."

"Someone, more like."

"That too," Sirius grinned, but he didn't really feel much like grinning. Severus was probably going to Malfoy Manor, so it wasn't as if he could use the holiday to mend his bridges. Not that he would ever stoop so low as to grovel. Sirius Black didn't get dumped and he definitely didn't beg to be taken back.

But he certainly wouldn't shoot down the opportunity to apologise for being afflicted with terrible foot-in-mouth disease and general idiocy.

* * *

In the days leading up to the Easter holiday, Severus couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched. But he would glance around and see nothing amiss. It was not a pleasant way to feel, constantly under scrutiny. He was rather used to it; his classmates were always finding some way to torment him, James Potter in particular. Although, Potter hadn't been his usual bullying self since before Severus had walked out on Sirius. Either Sirius' lack of interest in terrorising Severus had caused James to lose interest or James had found someone else to divert his attention. Perhaps Lily was starting to acknowledge him. Severus scoffed at that idea the moment he thought it. Lily may not be his friend any longer, but he did know her better than James Potter did. Lily was too smart to get involved with Potter.

Things between Ashemore and Sirius seemed to have cooled off almost as quickly as they'd heated up, Severus noticed with satisfaction. Of course, he was certain there were boys lined up to be with Sirius Black. It was just the way things were.

He stared dejectedly down at his breakfast. He was not looking forward to the holiday spent alone. The rest of the Slytherins in his year were going home, and he suspected it was going to be a very miserable holiday made all the more horrid knowing that if he and Sirius were still together, they would have spent it shagging and talking and basically living in the Room of Requirement.

* * *

Severus was not wrong, feeling that someone was watching him. Regulus Black observed his brother's former boyfriend closely. A little investigating told him that Severus' grades were slipping dramatically. Regulus was very discreet, it wasn't difficult for him to slip into dormitories and whatnot completely unnoticed. Really Severus' observational skills were subpar; at the moment he would make a terrible Death Eater. Regulus was almost certain the sixth year boy would have noticed that Regulus was basically stalking him, but Severus didn't notice a thing. The Dark Lord would not be pleased. Nor would he be pleased that Severus was _thisclose_ to failing Potions. It was shocking. Snape should know better than to be so careless. His entire future depended on the Dark Lord's approval and acceptance.

Regulus suspected Snape didn't realise the Dark Lord was keeping tabs on him. He was lucky that it was Regulus who had been assigned to the task. Out of self-preservation, Reg knew better than to tell the Dark Lord that Snape and Sirius had once been romantically involved. He also had decided to cover Snape's arse this one time, and wrote in his letter to the Dark Lord that things were unchanged.

But something had to be done. Regulus didn't dare say anything to Snape. Which left him with only one option.

"What do you want?" Sirius snarled.

"The short hair suits you." Reg smirked.

"I know it was you who told Walburga. Snitch." Sirius' expression was one of disgust. There was certainly no love lost between the Black brothers.

Reg steeled himself, suspecting his advice would probably not be received well.

"You need to get back together with Severus," he blurted quickly, "He's practically suicidal and he's failing all of his classes and if the Dark Lord finds out he'll kill him for being so stupid." Reg knew the first two were exaggeration and desperately hoped the last was.

Sirius, however, looked so panic-stricken that Reg knew he'd struck the right nerve.

"How would the Dark Lord find out?" Sirius whispered, forgetting his animosity with his brother for the moment.

"I'm supposed to be keeping him informed about Severus. I lied this time, but I can't do it again. Not when I'm already covering up the fact that Severus likes taking it up the arse."

Sirius frowned. "Why you?"

"I don't know, but just be glad it is. I think we've all been assigned someone to spy on. I think Macnair and—

"I don't want to know." Sirius said quickly. "I can't promise you anything, anyway. Severus dumped me, not the other way round."

Reg's eyes went wide at this. Even he was shocked that the almighty Sirius Black could be dumped.

"Just try, okay. I don't think he knows the consequences." Reg said, before hurrying towards the door of the Room of Requirement, ready to make his escape.

"Hey Reg," Sirius said softly, "Thanks."

"Don't be pathetic." Reg said, but there was no venom behind his words. He shrugged once and Sirius didn't stop him this time when he left.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know. I'm terrible for doing this to all of you. (But on the bright side, it was a quick update. So that's good. Right?) There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though. If you hold out for Chapter 14, things will get better. I promise. **

**Anyway, reviews are greatly appreciated… **


	13. Chapter 13

_**Thirteen**_

Sirius had a plan; he just had to hope Severus would cooperate. He'd given Freddie the boot, and boys throughout Hogwarts rejoiced. Sirius felt like he was being propositioned every time he ventured out into the corridors. He was certain it was the same for Freddie, the only difference being that Freddie probably wasn't turning all of them down (just the ones that were ugly).

When everyone else left for the holiday, Sirius was one of few to remain behind. As Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were still on their European tour (something he'd learned from his mother in one of her empty, affectionless, yet surprisingly frequent letters), Sirius assumed that Severus would be remaining at Hogwarts.

Probably he could have asked Reg to find out, but as he liked to avoid as much contact with his younger brother as possible, and Reg had already helped him enough, Sirius decided that he would take his chances. If Severus' grades really were as bad as Reg let on, then if he was still the same Severus Sirius knew, he'd be spending the holiday in the library.

Not that there was any guarantee that Sirius still _knew _Severus. It felt like things had changed exponentially since they were last together. And it hadn't even been very long. A few months, in the grand scheme of things, was like the blink of an eye. It felt like eons, of course, but it wasn't even close.

Sirius woke to an empty dormitory the first Saturday of the Easter holiday. He'd slept late—it was nearly lunchtime. Already step one of his plan had backfired. His intention was to seek Severus out at breakfast.

Sirius rolled onto his stomach and rummaged in the drawer of the table between his bed and James', searching for the map.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," He muttered and waited impatiently for the ink to bleed into the parchment.

There were so few students in the school that it didn't take long to find Severus. He was, unsurprisingly, in the library.

Sirius still didn't know what he was going to say to Severus. He knew the other boy could hold a grudge like nobody's business, so it would be difficult to get through to him. Unless…unless Severus missed Sirius as much as Sirius missed him, and maybe then his feelings might outweigh how much Sirius had hurt him. But Severus was stubborn, which meant he might act out of spite no matter how he felt.

* * *

The hairs on the back of Severus' neck stood on end. He tensed, whirling around, drawing his wand.

"Hey, watch where you're pointing that." Sirius said, attempting to grin and failing miserably.

Severus said nothing, just turned back to his work. He'd let himself fall dangerously behind, which was unacceptable.

"Sev, please." Sirius said softly, his hand touching Severus' shoulder.

Severus shrugged it away, "Don't call me that."

"I love you." Sirius said.

"No you don't."

"I do."

Severus spun around to face Sirius, anger all over his face. "You _don't_! If you did, you wouldn't have said what you said."

"I say a lot of stupid things. I'm not exactly known for my eloquence."

"You aren't getting off that easy, with your flippant comments and your cheeky grin." Severus snapped.

"Please tell me what I have to do to make it up to you."

"Figure it out yourself."

* * *

Sirius Black was not one to back down from a challenge. He was determined to get Severus back, and he would succeed. As much as he hated to admit it, his life felt meaningless without the sarcastic Slytherin in it.

He spent three days wracking his brain, trying to come up with a plan. Severus would not really appreciate some sweeping, over-the-top, romantic gesture, nor was Sirius capable of doing anything ridiculous like that with a straight face.

He took to checking the map obsessively, memorising Severus' new routine. From what he could tell, there were only about ten Slytherins that had remained at Hogwarts for the break. None of those that had stayed were in Severus' dormitory. And then Sirius had an idea.

* * *

Severus left the library every evening at ten, when Madam Pince locked the doors. He'd been working straight through dinner in an effort to get caught up on all the work he'd been abandoning.

Things didn't feel right from the moment he entered the common room. The few first years that had remained looked absolutely terrified.

"What?" Severus snapped at them.

"The portrait hole," one of the tiny, pale boys gasped. "It opened on it's own and no one came through it."

"How long ago?"

"An hour?" One of the girls guessed, her fingers trying to smooth out a crease in her skirt.

"I'm sure it was nothing. Peeves trying to scare you." Severus shrugged, heading for the staircase.

Despite his reassurances to the first years, he drew his wand as soon as he was out of their sight. He didn't know what he was expecting to find when he reached his dormitory, but he hoped for absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, he found Sirius sitting on his bed, an impressive spread of food laid out on the duvet.

"You skipped dinner Severus," Sirius scolded, "A growing boy like you needs three hearty meals a day."

"_This_ is your brilliant plan? Breaking and entering, scaring a bunch of first years and food?" Severus said flatly, dropping his school bag on top of the battered trunk at the foot of his bed.

"First of all, you don't care about the first years. Secondly, you're a little bit impressed I managed to infiltrate the Slytherin inner sanctum without any difficulty at all. Thirdly, you're starving."

"Your arrogance isn't charming." Severus snapped.

"Sev," Sirius said softly, "please eat something. And then we'll talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Fine. You eat, I'll say what I have to say and then I'll leave."

Severus grudgingly picked up one of the sandwiches from the platter and took a bite. Sirius stood and paced a little bit.

"I'm sorry," He said, breaking the heavy silence. "What I said that night, it was out of line. I can't tell you what to do with your life. I just need you to know that I've been miserable without you."

"You seemed just fine with Ashemore."

"He and I aren't together anymore. He's not you."

"An excellent deduction. You're sure to do spectacularly on your N.E.W.T.s with such a brilliant mind."

"I know I fucked up and that you don't want me back, but I love you and that's not something that's going to change."

Sirius gathered his things and left the dormitory as silently as he'd entered.

Severus sat on his bed, mechanically eating his sandwich, not sure how to digest this new information. He had convinced himself that Sirius had never really loved him, but to have this belief so vehemently contradicted was forcing Severus to think about the things he'd been bottling up and pushing down.

It had been months and he still remembered every word Sirius had said to him that night. The most annoying part was that Sirius hadn't said anything that wasn't true. If Severus weren't going to join Voldemort, they could be together publicly. Sirius' friends probably wouldn't like it too much, but there wasn't very much they could do to him under Dumbledore's nose.

Severus didn't sleep a wink that night, tossing and turning in his bed, thoughts racing through his head. It would be so easy to just take Sirius back and return to the way things had been before. But did he want to risk getting hurt again?

* * *

Sirius felt better after saying everything to Severus. There was nothing more he could do at this point. It was just a waiting game now, while Severus decided what he wanted.

At breakfast the next morning, Dumbledore stopped by the Gryffindor table on his way back to his office.

"Good morning, Mr Black."

"Good morning, sir."

"You're up bright and early this morning."

"Indeed, sir."

"Is it safe to assume, then, that last night's post-curfew escapades did not go as planned?"

"I couldn't say. I'm not entirely sure if I even had a plan. At the moment, I'm just waiting."

"Good luck."

"Thank you."

The first year sitting across the table from Sirius gazed at him in awe as Dumbledore strode away.

"Dumbledore knows your name," The first year said in awe.

"He probably knows yours too." Sirius shrugged.

"No he doesn't."

"I most certainly do, Mr. Abernethy," Dumbledore called over his shoulder.

The first year gave a terrified squeak and nearly choked on his toast.

"Told you so," Sirius grinned.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius spotted a very familiar figure standing in the doorway to the Great Hall. Severus' eyes met his and Sirius all but leapt from the table, feeling an irresistible pull towards the Slytherin. Severus turned on his heel and started to walk away, but Sirius knew where he was going.

They met at the Room of Requirement.

"I need to talk to you." Severus said before Sirius could do or say anything.

"Okay."

"There are things I need to know before I even consider this…us…again."

"Okay. Ask away."

"You and Ashemore…are you broken up?"

"Yes." Sirius had gotten that particular task out of the way the night before the holiday began. "Not that there was anything really substantial between us. It was just sex."

"No it wasn't. You walked around holding hands with him. I know you, you don't put your fuck buddies on display like that."

"Freddie wanted to come out and asked me if I was up for helping him. It didn't mean anything. He's a more notorious slut than I am."

"Fine then. What about everything you said to me that night?"

"I was out of line. I had promised I wouldn't say anything and I got frustrated and sabotaged our relationship the first chance I got. I really didn't want to break up."

"Then why didn't you come find me? Apologise? I thought it was just a fight and then you didn't talk to me again. We wouldn't be here now if you'd just said something months ago."

Sirius sighed. "I was…afraid, I guess. I didn't exactly want to be rejected twice."

"That's not a very good reason."

"Maybe not, but this is…was…my first real relationship. I'm not exactly an expert."

"I need more time." Severus sighed. "I don't want to make another mistake."

"You think being with me was a mistake?" Sirius asked, hurt.

"No. I think walking out was a mistake."

"Then stay."

"I don't know if I can. I think too much time has passed."

Sirius nodded and watched him go. He hated it, but there was nothing more he could do. It didn't matter how much he loved Severus, if Sev was no longer interested in being with him. He dropped heavily onto the couch, burying his face in his hands. He felt like crying, which was an impulse he hadn't had since he was a small child.

He jumped in surprise when he heard the door open again.

"Fuck it," Severus said, "I don't care if I'm making a mistake. I miss you."

He flung himself into Sirius' waiting arms and their lips met for the first time in months.

"Thank you," Sirius whispered against Severus' lips.

"For what?" The Slytherin frowned.

"For changing your mind. Forgiving me," Sirius shrugged.

"Oh that. It was easy enough. I love you."

"I love you too."

"I do have one more question though."

"Yeah?"

"_How_ did you get into the Slytherin house?"

Sirius grinned, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. And that would be terribly inconvenient for both of us."

* * *

**A/N: Did a little reworking on this chapter; they weren't meant to be back together for a few more…**

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers. You have no idea how much you brighten my day.**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Fourteen**_

It was as if the past few horrible months hadn't even happened. Sirius had Severus back again, and nothing else really mattered. They made up for lost time easily, spending every waking (and sleeping) moment together in the Room of Requirement.

Term would be starting again in a few days, which neither boy looked forward to. The novelty of sneaking around had finally worn off and Sirius just wished for a time when he and Severus didn't have to hide, but he knew it was a fruitless hope. Their circumstances weren't going to change anytime soon.

"Reg told me your grades were slipping." Sirius said. He and Severus were in the Room of Requirement.

Severus pulled out of Sirius' arms to frown at him. "Reg should mind his own business. Did you ask him to spy on me?"

"No. As if he'd agree to it even if I had," Sirius frowned back. "Voldemort asked him to."

"Why?"

"He's keeping tabs on all of you, apparently."

Severus sighed heavily. "Why hasn't he outed us?"

Sirius shook his head; he really didn't want to talk about Voldemort, but he supposed it was his own fault, bringing Reg up. "Reg realises that Voldemort thinks you'll be especially valuable. He doesn't think it would be in his own best interests to damage your reputation." Sirius snaked his arms around Severus' waist again. "Can we talk about something else?"

Severus nodded. "Can I ask you something? It's been bothering me."

"Okay."

"With Ashemore—

Sirius groaned. "Sev, please don't do this." But he pulled away and sat up, propped against the pillows, preparing for another uncomfortable discussion.

Severus sat up too and turned so he was facing Sirius. "I know that you were attracted to him. You wouldn't have spent so much time with your tongue down his throat if you weren't. And I saw you, that day in the corridor…the way he touched you and the way you touched him and I can't get it out of my mind."

"Sev…"

"Don't lie to me. Tell me you were attracted to him."

"Of course I was. He's a bloody god. Dumber than a bag of rocks, but a god nonetheless. Is _that_ what you wanted to hear?" Sirius snapped.

He could tell from the way Severus' face fell and his shoulders slumped that he had actually wanted Sirius to lie to him.

"Nothing I didn't expect." Hurt dripped from every word. Severus looked away, his jaw clenched.

"Hey. I wasn't finished." Sirius said, reaching out and gently turning Severus' face back toward him. "Ashemore may be the hottest thing to ever walk through Hogwarts, and I wouldn't insult your intelligence by claiming otherwise, but he's pretty lacking, in my opinion."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"For starters, he didn't have these eyes." Sirius leaned forward and kissed each of Severus' eyelids, which fluttered closed at the last second. "And he certainly didn't have this nose." Sirius pressed his lips to the bridge of Severus' nose. "Or these lips." He kissed Severus softly once. "And he had such a weak chin. And we both know his voice is a little girly. And his neck was too short." Sirius trailed kisses from Severus' lips down the side of his neck. "And he didn't have these hands."

Sirius took Severus' hands and laced their fingers together. "Nor did he have a very sexy scar." Sirius kissed the whole length of Severus' scar. "And did I mention he was stupid?"

"I think you did." Severus nodded, a smile on his face again. "Any more shortcomings?"

Sirius grinned and flipped his hair out of his eyes. "Funny you should phrase it that way."

Severus smirked. "So all that showing off in corridors is just Ashemore's way overcompensating?"

"Definitely." Sirius chuckled. "Anything else you'd like me to clear up for you?"

"Did he snore?"

"I can't tell you."

"Compared to everything else you've told me, snoring is hardly an issue."

"I can't tell you because I don't know. I never actually shared a bed with him. Not to sleep in, anyway. You're the only person I've ever done that with."

An embarrassed blush crept up Sirius' cheeks. Normally, Severus would have teased him about it. Instead, he scooted closer to him and kissed him softly. Sirius slid down until he was horizontal again and pulled Severus on top of him. The familiar weight of Severus' body against his was unbelievably comforting. Every inch of their bodies were touching, torsos to hips, hips to thighs, thighs to calves, their arms wrapped tight around each other and their lips caressing tenderly.

Their kisses were languid and deep and relaxed. Severus' whole body throbbed with delight at being this close to Sirius again. While Severus pulled away, nibbling and kissing and licking the tender flesh of Sirius' neck, Sirius trailed his fingers lightly up and down Severus' spine. The Slytherin arched his back, creating friction between them. Sirius moaned loudly. Severus' lips journeyed down to Sirius' chest. His hands ghosted across Sirius' ribcage.

Sirius rolled, pinning Severus to the bed.

"Wait." Severus said. "I need to know something else."

Sirius sighed and rolled off of his boyfriend, "Yes?"

"I need some kind of assurance that you won't just change your mind. That you won't give up just because things are difficult."

"Sev, I'm sixteen! How can you expect me to make a promise like that?"

"Because I can." Severus said. "I know right here, right now, that there's no one else I want to be with. I love you."

"I love you too. You know that. But I'm…afraid."

"Well obviously," Severus rolled his eyes. "But fear doesn't negate the fact that I want to be with you forever. And I want that commitment from you."

"Are you asking me to marry you?" Sirius' tone was snide, but Severus knew he was just trying to mask his panic.

"No." Severus reached out and gently cradled Sirius' face in his hands. "But I deserved to be loved unconditionally and sometimes I feel like you're just waiting until someone better comes along."

Severus crawled out of bed and began gathering his clothes.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Sirius asked, his voice cracking.

"No. I just think you need some time to think. I need a shower and I have some studying to do."

Sirius flopped back onto the pillows, sighing heavily. It seemed he couldn't do or say anything right anymore.

Severus leaned over the bed, kissing him softly once. "Don't look so worried. We haven't come up for air in days."

"That's not all this is though."

"No," Severus agreed, "but you'll figure it out. You always do."

"I don't like being manipulated."

"I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm just telling you how I feel. If you can't feel the same way…well I guess we have our answer then."

"That's not fair. I don't want to break up again."

"Maybe you should think about _why_ that is and get back to me."

Sirius watched him go, trying to ignore the way he felt his world tipping sideways. He didn't want them to become one of those dysfunctional couples that broke up and got back together over and over and over again. He _knew_ he wanted to be with Severus, but he was afraid of what that meant for both of them.

He didn't want to become a man who let his fears rule his life, but he didn't know how to explain to Severus that he was too afraid to put all of his hopes into one person. He'd been rejected practically at birth by the two people in this world that were supposed to love him unconditionally and while he did his best to act like he didn't care, it didn't change the fact that it was nothing more than an act. He had thought Severus would understand. It wasn't as if Severus' parents were about to win Parents of the Year anytime soon.

Sirius couldn't stand being alone in the Room of Requirement. He rolled out of bed and dressed mechanically. He shoved his feet into his trainers without bothering to tie the laces and headed out the door. It was lunchtime, and his stomach grumbled loudly. Since he knew Severus would be holed up in the library for a few hours, Sirius headed for the Great Hall.

It was practically empty. There were about ten students from each house sitting at their respective tables. He spotted Lily's auburn hair and dropped into the seat next to her.

"Hello, Sirius. You look terrible."

"Gee, thanks." He said flatly. "I thought you'd gone home."

"I did. But I came back. My sister and I are barely speaking. It makes things a little awkward."

"Reg and I haven't had a conversation that was longer than ten sentences each in our entire lives. It's not so terrible, once you get used to it."

"Tuney and I used to be close, though." Lily said sadly.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." Lily shrugged, "How's Freddie?"

"Probably sleeping with someone else by now. We broke up."

"You two were so perfect for each other," Lily said, her tone was earnest but her eyes were teasing.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "It wasn't a real relationship. He wanted to come out and I agreed to help."

"How surprisingly…kind of you."

"Well, he was helping me make someone jealous. So it was a mutually beneficial agreement."

"I would expect nothing less of you, Sirius. Who were you trying to make jealous?"

"Sorry, Lily, I don't fuck and tell. Believe me, it infuriates James to no end. Or it did, when I was with girls. I don't think he minds not hearing the details anymore."

"James isn't really…" She trailed off, frowning slightly.

"Stalking you anymore?" Sirius supplied.

"I was going to say worshipping."

"I think he got tired of getting the run-around."

"You mean he's given up? After five and a half years?"

"Hasn't anyone ever told you that a bloke isn't going to wait around forever?" Sirius said, more harshly than he'd intended. James was his best mate, and Lily had done nothing but cause trouble for James since the day he clapped eyes on her.

"Has he found someone else?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "What? Now that he's finally gotten over it, you've decided you want him?"

"I don't know." Lily said defensively, "All I know is that I used to find him so frustrating and now that he's not around, I sort of miss him."

"Sort of? What is it that you miss? The way he tripped over himself for your attention, the way he worshipped the ground you walked on, how disappointed he looked every time you picked someone else over him? Rejecting him over and over again must have felt good."

"Sirius, that's not fair. I didn't enjoy rejecting him, but I didn't like him."

"Didn't?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"Didn't…don't. I don't know." Sirius did feel a little pity for her—she looked terribly confused about this turn of events.

Sirius sighed, "Honestly, Lily, James is my best mate and it's my job to look after him, considering he's a complete idiot where you're concerned. I won't tell him we've had this conversation, because I strongly believe that he's better off now. But I can't stop you going after him if you so choose."

Lily nodded slowly. Sirius could already see the wheels turning in her head. She was surprisingly rebellious for a Prefect, and he suspected his disapproval would probably send her running towards James.

"Can I offer you some advice, Sirius?"

"I guess," Sirius shrugged.

"Severus Snape may be a Slytherin, but he doesn't always think like one."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sirius said, too quickly.

"Yes you do. Parading around with Freddie isn't going to make him want you back, it will only push him further away. Severus wants nothing more than to be loved by someone who won't hurt him at every turn. So don't start lecturing me on the way I treat your best friend when you're treating mine equally badly."

"Last time I checked, the two of you weren't speaking."

"That doesn't mean I stopped caring." Lily snapped.

* * *

Sirius tossed and turned all night. Lily's words were like poison, seeping into all of his dreams and tormenting equally while he was awake. Around four in the morning, Sirius gave up on sleep, knowing it was futile. He slipped out of Gryffindor tower and moved through the castle quietly. He slipped out the front doors and onto the grounds. Normally, he probably wouldn't be able to get away with this, but as it was the holiday and so few teachers were in the castle, he wasn't likely to be spotted. And it wouldn't matter in a few moments anyway.

He ducked into an archway that led nowhere but protected him from sight and focused on becoming the giant, shaggy, black dog. It wasn't difficult to switch to his Animagus form anymore, but it used to take every ounce of his concentration.

Leaving his clothes behind, Sirius began to run. He loved running as a dog. It was so much more exhilarating. He did several laps around the castle before slowing to a walk, his tongue hanging out of his mouth as he panted. Being a dog for a while always helped him clear his head. Things just seemed…simpler.

The sun was coming up when Sirius pulled his clothes back on and snuck back into the castle. He climbed the stairs up to Gryffindor tower, but hesitated in front of the portrait hole. The Fat Lady was snoozing in her frame. Normally, he would have no compunctions about waking her up (she was a portrait_, _what did she need sleep for?) but instead of prodding her awake and giving her the password, he walked towards the Room of Requirement, Lily's words still haunting him.

* * *

Severus had returned to the Room of Requirement in the wee hours of the morning, hoping to find Sirius still there. He didn't want to keep walking out, but he also didn't want to get in too deep into a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. It would hurt too much to lose Sirius years from now. If they had a clean break now, things would be easier to deal with.

But Sirius wasn't waiting for him, and Severus knew he should have expected that. Sirius was stubborn, maybe even more so than Severus, and there were only so many times Severus could walk away before Sirius stopped wanting him to come back.

Severus lay wrapped in the duvet, staring out the huge windows that faced the lake. He watched the sky steadily getting lighter, the sun rising over the lake. They sky was pinky-orange when he heard the door open.

"Sev," Sirius said, clearly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." Severus said slowly, as if Sirius were a very dim child.

Sirius' expression darkened, "I thought you weren't interested in doing that anymore."

"Come cuddle with me. I want to tell you a story."

Another time, Sirius would have been amused to hear the word 'cuddle' escape Severus Snape's mouth. But he was in no mood to feel amused. He did, however, kick off his shoes and strip down to his boxers to join Severus in the bed that was beginning to feel like it belonged to them.

Severus opened his arms and Sirius snuggled into them, leaning against Severus' chest.

"I know that I told you that I can't remember my parents ever being happy, but that's not entirely true."

"So I can add lying to your list of faults." Sirius snapped.

"Sssh." Severus kissed the top of Sirius' head, "I know you're not very happy with me at the moment, but I'm trying to explain. Please let me?"

"Okay." Sirius grumbled.

"My father was arrested for assault when I was eight. He had to go through a rehab program for alcoholics, and it actually worked for a while—almost two years. He wasn't abusive, he was kind to my mum and he spent time with me. We went to the park together and I think he took me to the cinema a few times. We actually had money, since he had a steady job and wasn't spending his paycheck on liquor. I had new clothes, and shoes that actually fit and three meals a day. Mum was able to do magic again and the two of them had real conversations, probably for the first time in their marriage. And then Mum got pregnant again. She was so happy and she thought he would be too. Instead, it sent him into a downward spiral. One freak son was bad enough, I think. He started drinking again and with the drinking came the fighting and the hitting and Mum miscarried. The worst part was that I had really hoped he'd changed for good. I still wish, to this day, that those two years never happened."

"Why? If you were happy, surely it was good." Sirius said, twisting to look at Severus.

"Because remembering how happy we were makes our misery now that much worse. Which is why if you don't want to be with me, I want you to leave now. If you leave me two years, five years, ten years down the line, it will be so much worse than if you go now."

"I have two stories to tell you." Sirius said, ignoring Severus' last comment. "Well, one story and one fact."

"Do tell." Severus said, not entirely sure where Sirius was headed.

"Firstly, I talked to Lily yesterday. I don't know how, but she knows about us. She read me the riot act for treating you so badly over the past few months."

"Lily did?" Severus' eyebrows rose. "But…she _hates_ me now."

"Apparently not. She was ready to gouge my eyes out, I think, for behaving terribly."

"Was that the story or the fact?" Severus asked.

"That was the story."

"Then what's the fact?"

"The fact is that I love you and although I am an absolute idiot about it most of the time, I don't want to be with anyone else."

Severus' face broke into a wide grin.

"Not so fast," Sirius said and Severus' face fell. "We both know I'm afraid. I don't want to end up like Orion and Walburga, barely able to speak to one another across the dinner table because after twenty years together, all we have in common anymore is regret."

"But we love each other."

"Scarily enough, so did they. My mother was supposed to marry one of Orion's cousins, but the two of them fell in love when she was sixteen and convinced her parents to let her marry Orion instead. Somewhere in their marriage—probably not too far in, considering the circumstances of my conception—they fell right back out of love."

Severus sighed and rested his chin atop Sirius' head. "What are you saying, exactly?"

"Is it enough, for now, until we're older and wiser and at least not in school anymore, to just stay in the present? And not get fifty steps ahead of ourselves?"

"Yes." Severus sighed, "I think I can agree to that. But trust me, I'm going to bring it up again the absolute moment we leave this castle."

"I don't doubt it." Sirius sighed, attempting to quell his dread at the thought of another conversation like this.

* * *

**A/N: I'm going to apologise in advance. Due to some unforeseen family problems and other things going on in real life, I won't be able to post for a few weeks. I hope to have Chapter 15 up on March 10****th****, but I'll update my profile with more accurate information when I know more.**

**That being said, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. **


	15. Chapter 15

_**Fifteen**_

Severus welcomed the start of term. Sirius had been behaving strangely since he'd made the mistake of bringing up their lives after Hogwarts, and Severus would have less time to dwell on it when he had schoolwork to occupy his brain.

Sitting at breakfast the first morning of term, he recognised Lucius' eagle owl pour into the Great Hall with the rest of the post. He waited expectantly for the letter to be dropped unceremoniously by the owl, who wasn't particularly fond of him. Sure enough, Salazar flew low enough to drop the letter so it landed precisely on top of Severus' buttered toast, before glaring at him and flying away.

He broke the familiar seal, doing his best to ignore the curious eyes of Macnair, Mulciber, Avery and Regulus, who were all seated close to him.

However, when Avery leaned over Severus' shoulder to read, Severus gave the idiot a mighty shove before leaving the table.

"It's a personal correspondence," He hissed at Avery, "If Lucius wanted _you_ to read it, he would have addressed it as such."

Severus strode from the Great Hall quickly, hoping to have time to read his letter in private before he needed to rush off to Arithmancy. He ducked into an empty classroom on the first floor and leaned against one of the desks.

_Dear Severus,_

_ I hope your Easter holidays were productive. I do not understand why you could not have completed your schoolwork from our library here in the Manor—I have missed you. I know Narcissa would have liked the company of someone closer to her own age and she has a fondness for you in particular. Perhaps the two of you could strike up a correspondence; I fear she is not very diverted here. She was taught how to run a house well by her mother, and it seems that it does not fill her day in the way either of us were hoping it would. I find myself at a loss to come up with ways to entertain my wife. Surely finding something to occupy her time falls under her own duties?_

_ Narcissa and I have had Lord Voldemort dine here quite a few times since the Christmas holiday. My wife is always the perfect hostess, of course, but I can see that she does not like him. She will not say as much, but I believe he frightens her._

_ Our Lord has expressed an interest in securing your loyalties earlier than the completion of your education. He is of the mind that your talents would be useful even now, and I think it would be in your best interests to consider taking his mark this summer, at the same time that I do. Obviously, you have time to reflect on the matter._

_ Let me know the date of your next Hogsmeade weekend; I would like to come visit you, as it has been far too long since we last saw one another. Perhaps I can convince Narcissa to join me as well. _

_ With love,_

_ Lucius_

Severus truly enjoyed receiving letters from Lucius. When they were speaking face to face, there was always an element of extreme control—Lucius never displayed any of the affection or love he held for his surrogate brother. But he did in his letters, and that was enough for Severus.

He did not like, however, the insights into Lucius and Narcissa's marriage. While he had not expected it would be a happy one, things were going from bad to worse much more rapidly than Severus had anticipated. It was the way Lucius went through the motions of showing his concern. It was all well and good to write these things down in a letter to Severus, but he doubted that Lucius was making any great efforts to assuage Narcissa's fears about Lord Voldemort, or even speaking to her at all when it wasn't expressly required of him.

He made a mental note to write to Narcissa, before shoving Lucius' letter into his pocket. He slipped out of the classroom and walked right smack into his boyfriend.

"I saw you leave," Sirius said quietly, concern in his eyes.

Looking up at him, Severus saw that Sirius was slowly returning to his usual self again. He wasn't touching Severus (of course he wasn't, they were standing in the middle of the Entrance Hall), but it was clear that he was itching to. Which was a nice change from flinching and shying away and making excuses.

"Just a letter from Lucius. Nothing serious." Severus lied. Because Sirius would find it serious that Voldemort wanted Severus to join up sooner, and Severus wasn't about to have _that_ particular conversation again. The list of topics the two of them deliberately avoided discussing was growing impossibly long—Severus was going to lose track of all of them.

Sirius glanced around before pushing Severus back into the classroom. He looped his arms around Severus' waist and rested his forehead against the Slytherin's.

"I hate this," He whispered, "I hate this school and the people in it and everybody keeping us apart."

Severus wished there was something he could say, but nothing he did would change anything. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and buried his face in Sirius' broad chest.

* * *

Sirius sat in the Room of Requirement, waiting for Severus. The Slytherin had promised he'd come see Sirius that evening, after dinner but before he ensconced himself in the library to write two feet for History of Magic.

The door opened and Severus slipped inside. He joined Sirius on the sofa, wrapping his arms around the Gryffindor's waist.

"I can't stay long." Severus whispered.

"I know. Neither can I." Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of Severus' head, inhaling deeply. Severus smelled of soap and something sort of minty that Sirius couldn't place; he just thought of it as a smell unique to his boyfriend. "I've got something to tell you." Sirius admitted.

Severus pulled back, his eyes searching Sirius' face curiously.

"I won't be around at all tomorrow. I have to…do something."

Severus frowned. "That sounds rather ominous."

"I promise that it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm just not ready to…talk about it yet."

Severus' expression softened and he kissed Sirius' forehead gently, "Don't worry about it. You don't have to tell me anything. Not until you're ready."

A relieved smile spread across Sirius' face, "Thank you."

Severus smirked a little, "What did you think I was going to do, tackle you and make you tell me?"

"Well…we both know that your curiosity is unparalleled." Sirius teased. "If you wanted to tackle me _now_, that might be fun…"

"I have no doubt in my mind that it would be, but I have to go." Severus said, his expression reluctant.

Sirius pulled the smaller boy into his lap and kissed the spot just below his ear, "You don't _have_ to go." Sirius lips trailed down Severus' neck. He loosened the Slytherin tie and moved Severus' collar aside. He nibbled and sucked and licked Severus' sensitive skin, making the other boy moan. Severus looped his arms around Sirius' neck and nudged his face up towards him before capturing his lips greedily.

After a few minutes of lazy snogging, Severus pulled away.

"I really can't stay." He looked miserable at the thought of leaving.

"I know. Go write your essay like a good student, genius boy." Sirius teased, giving Severus a playful shove.

Severus pulled Sirius to his feet, bringing their bodies close enough to feel the heat radiating off the other.

"I love you," Sirius whispered.

"Love you too." Severus whispered back, his lips finding Sirius' again.

"If I get done early tomorrow, I'll come find you." Sirius promised.

"Okay."

* * *

Madam Pomfrey was waiting for him the next morning, as expected. She watched Sirius suspiciously as he entered, her eyes narrowed. "Have you been taking your medication?"

"Yes." Sirius said flatly. "Is he here yet?"

"No. But you may go wait in the private room."

Sirius crossed the ward, ignoring the curious looks from the few patients the matron had. He shouldered open the door at the end of the room and dropped into one of the armchairs.

He tapped his feet and twiddled his thumbs and whistled, trying to distract himself from how apprehensive he was. It didn't matter that he'd done this before—very frequently, in fact—he still hated telling a complete stranger these things about himself. Healer Brennan wasn't a total stranger now, but that didn't change the fact that Sirius wouldn't be participating in this at all if Dumbledore and Pomfrey hadn't forced him to.

The door opened and Brennan appeared. Cormac Brennan was tall, with thick blonde hair. He could have been anywhere between thirty and fifty. Sirius didn't know much about the Healer, since most of their conversations were about Sirius.

"Good morning, Sirius." Cormac folded himself into the opposite chair, crossing his left leg over his right knee. He rummaged in the leather briefcase he carried with him for his notepad and a quill.

"Good morning," Sirius grumbled.

"What's wrong?" Cormac looked at him with concern written all over his face, but it was a schooled concern, a practiced expression.

"I'm not a morning person. You know that." Sirius tossed his hair out of his eyes, staring at the older man defiantly, challenging him to disagree.

"Ah. Still feeling uncooperative." Cormac made a note on his pad. "You've been taking your medication?"

"Yes." Sirius frowned, "I don't like it."

"Why not?"

"It makes me feel…numb. Too balanced. I know you think my head's all screwy and unbalanced, but I don't feel like me…I feel like the watered-down, boring version of myself."

Cormac made another note, "So you feel your rapidly changing highs and lows made you more interesting?"

"Well…yes." Sirius said as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.

Cormac nodded, "What's been going on since we last met?"

"I have a boyfriend." Sirius said. He and Cormac met once a month, but Sirius hadn't told him about Severus yet. He hadn't wanted to—Severus was _his_, he didn't belong to Cormac to be analysed and picked apart.

Cormac's eyebrows rose in surprise (he was very familiar with the rest of Sirius' sexual escapades), "And the two of you are in an exclusive relationship?"

"Yes." Sirius said. "Since November. Well…not exactly. We were together in November and December, and then we broke up in January."

"And you're back together now?"

"We got back together three weeks ago."

"So you have actually spent more time broken up than together?"

"Don't look at me like that," Sirius scowled, "It's more complicated than my commitment issues, or whatever you think the problem is."

"I was merely asking a question. There's no need to be defensive. Perhaps you could explain why your relationship is so complicated."

"Well, firstly, he's a Slytherin and all of my friends hate him. Secondly, he's being groomed to become a Voldemort supporter. Thirdly…" Sirius ran a hand through his hair, "I love him."

"And you consider that a complication?"

"He's in Voldemort's pocket. At some point, that's going to tear us apart. And I don't really know…how I'm going to be able to handle it when it does."

"How does your boyfriend feel about that?"

"He wants us to live happily ever after," Sirius found the derisive tone he attempted to use came out weak and warbled. "He doesn't understand, or he doesn't _want_ to understand that we can't while he's a Voldemort supporter."

"So to be with you, he needs to change his beliefs?"

"No." Sirius shook his head, "He doesn't believe any of that maniac's bullshit. But Voldemort isn't exactly out there championing gay rights, and I won't spend the rest of my life in the closet. I want a real relationship with him, not something hidden and secret."

Cormac only nodded again, before asking, "Have you told him about your condition, that you're on medication and seeing me once a month?"

"No." Sirius admitted grudgingly, "I want to…but I don't want it to change anything."

"Have you told anyone, for that matter?"

"Er…no."

"Why not?"

"If I did, it would inevitably reach the whole school by lunch. And then I would be Sirius Black, that boy with mental problems."

"You have a manageable, fairly common disease. That's hardly earth-shattering."

"You did actually _go_ here, didn't you? You must remember the way everything blows up in this place, whether it's legitimately a big deal or not."

"I know that you're not used to trusting people, Sirius, but you've said before you think of James as a brother. Surely if you feel that way, you can trust him with this. He dealt with you being gay just fine, didn't he?"

"It's not the same." Sirius was tired of talking. He closed his mouth firmly and refused to answer any more of Healer Brennan's questions.

The Healer checked his watch, "I suppose if you insist on being uncooperative, I will go. I can't help you if you don't want to make any progress."

"You won't get anywhere by guilt-tripping me." Sirius said stubbornly.

"Perhaps not. Keep taking your medication and I'll see you next month."

"Fine." Sirius snapped, climbing to his feet.

"Just do me a favour, Sirius. If you love your boyfriend the way you profess to, please consider telling him."

Sirius only rolled his eyes and left the room as quickly as he could.

* * *

Severus waited anxiously all day for Sirius' return, but he never appeared in any of their afternoon classes or at dinner. Abandoning the schoolwork he had to do that evening, he left the Great Hall as quickly as he could. He supposed he was lucky that none of his housemates paid any attention to him—it made it much easier to disappear with Sirius.

As he'd hoped, he found Sirius in the Room of Requirement. The Gryffindor was asleep, wrapped up snugly in the duvet. Severus wanted to be close to him, but he didn't want to wake him, so he stood hovering by the bed, trying to decide.

"I don't know what you're waiting for," Sirius grumbled, "Get in here."

Severus crawled into the bed and wrapped his arms around Sirius. "How was your day?"

Sirius only grumbled something unintelligible.

"That good, huh?"

"I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"Okay." Severus said, snuggling closer. "No problem."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for waiting for this chapter. Things in my real life seem to be getting back to normal and I'll be able to update more frequently again. **

**Okay…I sort of expect this new insight into Sirius might be a little controversial, but it will be explained properly in the next chapter, I promise.**

**Reviews are like sunshine and daisies and all those lovely springtime things.**


	16. Chapter 16

**WARNING: This chapter contains domestic abuse and violence.**

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* * *

**

_**Sixteen**_

Severus woke to Sirius nudging him gently. The Room of Requirement was black as pitch and he felt rather disoriented, certain he'd fallen asleep much earlier than normal and that perhaps he wasn't supposed to be here.

"What time is it?" He mumbled.

"Late. Or early, I guess. Like three." Sirius must have asked the room for a little light, because a fire sprang to life in the hearth, bathing the room in a soft, orangey glow.

"I should go back to Slytherin." Severus said half-heartedly.

"Stay. I want to tell you about why I disappeared today…or yesterday, I suppose." Sirius shifted into a sitting position and Severus followed suit. "I've never told anybody before, and it's not going to be a fun story, so you'll have to be patient with me."

"Okay." Severus nodded. "I can do that."

Sirius took a deep breath. "I've told you about my parents, so you know that things at home were never good for me. Three years ago, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey made me sit down with a psychological Healer from St Mungo's. They were worried my behaviour was more than just normal teenage hormones. At the time, the Healer didn't think anything much was wrong with me, because I didn't want to be a crazy person so I didn't tell him a lot of things. Dumbledore knew that, like he always just _knows_ things, so he made me keep meeting with Healer Brennan. Eventually I started telling the truth and after six months or so, Brennan diagnosed me with manic depression and gave me this whole regimen of anti-depressants and mood-stabilisers to take.

"Only I didn't like the way the make me felt, so I didn't take them. Which any idiot can tell you is a bad idea. Basically, because my parents are stubborn arseholes, they told Dumbledore that he couldn't bring Brennan here more than once a month. Which is probably not nearly enough therapy for me, because my head is pretty fucked up."

"I don't understand." Severus interrupted.

"Which part?" Sirius asked, his face creased with concern. He suspected he hadn't explained very well.

"Manic depression." Severus said, "What does that actually _mean_? And how is it possible? I mean, you're not depressed."

"I am." Sirius said sadly. "Manic depression…basically, when I'm not on my medication, I switch between crazy highs—that would be the manic part—and really deep lows without any warning when they might come on. Well, that's not totally true. Usually after a manic episode, the crash is pretty bad. But sometimes I can be in manic mode, and not get depressed after, and sometimes I can be depressed without any previous manic stuff. It's always worse when I'm not taking my meds."

"Why don't you take them regularly then?" Severus accused.

"Because they make me feel empty and numb and not myself. It'd rather be insane than feel like that."

"All of these words are coming out of your mouth and I swear I'm trying to listen but I just don't understand. I've never seen you depressed or manic or whatever. And I know you better than anyone. Or I thought I did."

"Sev, you _have_ seen me like that. Most of the times James and I were tormenting you, I was having a manic day. The most memorable would probably be when I tried to get you to follow Remus. And I was in a pretty bad depression when we broke up. When I cut all my hair off again and stopped eating and actually did my school work," Sirius reminded him with a smirk.

"I don't see anything funny about this."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to talk about this, except with my stupid shrink."

"Why are you telling me now? Why not before?"

"Because I don't want this to change anything. I don't want you to treat me differently."

Severus cradled Sirius' face in his hands, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. Sirius rested his forehead against Severus', just listening to the other boy's breathing for a while.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What does it feel like? When you're not on your meds, I mean."

"Being manic…it feels amazing." Sirius said honestly. "Like I'm invincible and nothing bad can happen and I feel like the Sirius Black that everyone in this place worships."

"Modest." Severus teased.

"But the depressions…they're horrible. I can barely drag myself out of bed and getting through each minute of each day is a struggle and my mother's voice echoes around my head, calling me a traitor and a failure and a disappointment."

"Well, your mother can fuck herself, because you are none of those things."

Sirius chuckled, not entirely sure he'd actually heard those words come out of Severus' mouth.

"I'm quite serious, Sirius."

"Can I be there when you say that to Walburga?"

"Of course you can. I'll probably need you to protect me from her wrath." Severus looped his arms around Sirius' waist and pulled the Gryffindor closer to him, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Yes."

"Will you do me a favour? Will you please take your medication?"

"It's not easy because I think I'd rather be miserable than feel nothing at all, but I'll try. I promise. Will you promise me something in return?"

"Of course."

"Will you not nag me about taking them? I don't want to have a nursemaid for a boyfriend."

"No nagging." Severus promised, "I would make a terrible nurse anyway."

"Why's that?"

Severus grinned, "I'm far more interested in shagging you than looking after you."

* * *

Lily eyed James from her spot near the fire. He and Remus had their heads together over what looked like the essay Professor McGonagall had assigned on Human Transfiguration. Remus was explaining something to James, gesticulating as he talked rapidly. Peter was seated on the other end of the table, alternately praising Remus and then James.

While they were so engrossed in what appeared to be schoolwork but was probably veering more towards speculation about where Sirius kept disappearing to, Lily was able to watch James Potter more closely. His glasses kept sliding down the bridge of his straight nose and he kept nudging them back up. His hair, as per usual, was sticking up all over the place, but Lily actually believed it wasn't intentional—he just had unruly hair. He was still wearing his school uniform, although almost everyone else had changed into more comfortable clothes, as it was Friday evening and they were ready to forget about school for a few days.

He was still an arrogant, bullying toe-rag; of that Lily was fairly certain, but there was a warmth in his expression as he talked to Remus, a kindness she hadn't noticed before. Perhaps he felt the intensity of her stare, but at that moment James looked up and their eyes met.

James Potter did something then that Lily had never once seen him do. He gave her a half-smile, before flushing bright red from the roots of his hair probably to his toes. He whirled back around immediately after that.

Years later, Lily Potter would be able to pinpoint that exact moment as the one where she'd fallen in love with James, but right now she was Lily Evans and she was not yet as wise as her older self. Instead, she'd gotten a little bit of enjoyment out of making him blush and wondered if she could find a way to make him do it again.

* * *

Narcissa and Lucius sat at either end of the dining room table, a long expanse of mahogany separating them while they ate in absolute silence. They had run out of conversation two days after their wedding and things had been rather…sticky in the months since. Narcissa wanted nothing more than to be pregnant so Lucius would be happy and she would have something with which to occupy her time, but it seemed the fates had different plans for the Malfoys, for although Narcissa had allowed Lucius into her bed nearly every night since their nuptials, there was still no baby. And although it had only been four months, four disappointments were far too many for Lucius to handle.

"Severus has written me," Narcissa said finally, unable to listen to nothing but the scrape of silverware against china for a moment longer.

"Yes. I suggested to him you might enjoy his correspondence."

Narcissa felt instantly stung. Severus had been far too tactful to mention Lucius was the reason he was writing. She had suspected, but hearing her husband say it made everything different.

"I do not want his correspondence if it is not offered of his own free will." She said coolly.

"You and I both know that Severus has a mind of his own and he would not write to you if he did not wish to."

"You and I also know that Severus would move heaven and earth to make you happy."

"Why must you be so _difficult_, Narcissa?" Lucius sneered at her, "You were pleased about Severus writing you, were you not?" He did not wait for her answer, "Then his motives should not matter in the least."

"Tell me something, Lucius." Narcissa snarled, equally as surprised by her tone as Lucius was, "Do you expect Severus to remain loyal to you or to me? Is he to give you frequent reports about the things I write to him? Will he be the man you use to make sure your wife stays in line, even when you're not around to make sure of that yourself?"

Lucius voice was a dangerous hiss. "I expect my wife to obey me regardless of any circumstances. As for Severus' loyalties, what secrets could _you_ possibly have?" Her husband sneered. "I know that you loathe being married to me; if that was a secret you ought to have tried harder to keep it from being written all over your face like a foolish Gryffindor."

"As a woman it is my prerogative to have secrets." Narcissa knew this was a foolish attempt to lighten the mood, to disguise how hurt she was by Lucius' words.

Lucius slammed his fist on the table, making his plate jump. "You are not a woman. You are a _child_. As for your prerogatives, you have none but to be loyal to me and to give birth to my son."

Narcissa rose calmly, glaring at him. "You forget, Lucius, that I do have a choice."

It was old magic, the sort that once evoked, could not be taken back. If Narcissa locked her door against Lucius, he physically would not be able to set foot in her room again until she invited him.

His eyes flashed dangerously. "You. Would. Not. Dare."

Narcissa didn't answer. Before he could react, she pushed her chair back and began to hurry for the stairs.

Lucius gave and outraged roar and nearly upended the entire table to follow her.

"How dare you even attempt such a thing?" Lucius snarled, like a feral animal, "How dare you deny me my rights as your husband? How dare you ruin the name of this family by refusing me a child?"

"You don't deserve a child." Narcissa shouted over her shoulder.

She was halfway up the stairs when he caught her ankle. She fell and shrieked when she hit her forehead on one of the stairs. Lucius turned her around roughly. She didn't even notice his hand flying towards her until she felt the sting of his slap against her cheek and her head turned with the force of the blow.

She attempted to struggle away from him, terrified to her core. But Lucius was right about something. She was a girl of eighteen and he was a man. There was nothing she could do without her wand, and she was not permitted to use that against him anyway.

His hands tore at her robes and she heard the material rip and fall away.

"You are such a pretty thing," Lucius sneered, "It's quite a shame you're so damned stubborn." He ran one of his hands over her bare skin, his lips at her ear. She still fought against him, but his heavy body pinned her to the stairs, his other hand holding her small wrists together above her head.

She wouldn't have believed this scenario could arouse _any_ man, let alone her husband, without feeling the proof of it pressing against her hip. She could try summoning one of the house elves, but none of them were _hers_. Their loyalty was to Lucius; they could do nothing for her.

Lucius tongued the shell of her ear and she pulled her head away. As punishment, he bit the sensitive skin of her neck, _hard_. She didn't doubt that he'd drawn blood.

He ripped her lace panties off and flung them aside before fumbling for a few seconds with his trousers. Narcissa clamped her knees together with a strenth she had not realised she possessed. Lucius needed to use both his hands to pry them apart. With her hands free, she scratched at his face. He slapped her again, this time delivering the blow to her other cheek, even harder. Stars erupted in front of her eyes.

In the kitchen, the house elves heard the blood-curdling screams of their Mistress, but were powerless to help. They sat, tiny hands pressed over their ears, waiting for the seemingly never-ending screams to stop.

* * *

Narcissa stood in the shower, hot water running over her numb body. She tried to convince herself it hadn't happened, but bruises didn't lie. They were all over her body; horizontal ones across her back from the stairs, one on each cheek from when he'd hit her, splotchy ones on her hips from the repeated impact of Lucius…she felt bile rise in her throat as she thought about it.

She twisted the tap, shutting the water off. She stood in the shower, shivering. She wanted to cry, but the tears refused to come. She hadn't cried since she was eleven, why should tonight be any exception?

* * *

Lucius knelt in front of the toilet in his bathroom, shuddering and retching. He was a monster. One thing was certain: he would never touch his wife again.

* * *

**A/N: I promise promise promise there is a method to my madness, even if it doesn't seem as such right now. There will be further explanation about Lucius' actions in a future chapter.**

**Also, I mentioned this in some review replies, but I'll say it here as well. I've always gotten the impression that Sirius is fairly mentally unstable. I remember reading that Rowling said in an interview that Azkaban did a number on Sirius' mental health, and I don't think it's too far of a stretch to think he might have had some issues before then.**

**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated, and I do my best to reply to all of them. **


	17. Chapter 17

_**Seventeen**_

Severus knew something was wrong when only Lucius was waiting to meet him in the Three Broomsticks. Narcissa had promised in her last letter that she would come to visit him too. He scanned the pub for her gleaming blonde hair, hoping to spot her returning from the loo. But Lucius was most definitely alone. There were only two drinks on the table.

"How are you, Severus?" Lucius' tone was cold, his expression frozen, no sign of warmth in his eyes. Severus flinched in surprise.

"Fine, thank you. How are you? Where's Narcissa? Is she ill?"

"Your concern for my wife is touching." Lucius expression suggested he felt the opposite. "Yes, Narcissa is indeed under the weather. She believes she has a stomach bug."

Lucius could feel Severus' far too knowing eyes searching his face, looking for clues.

"Something is wrong, Lucius. I can tell."

"It is none of your concern, Severus." Lucius barked more harshly than he'd intended.

Sirius watched the interaction between Severus and Lucius from across the pub. The Marauders, like the rest of school, were taking advantage of the opportunity to blow off some steam before exams were upon them in a few short weeks. Sirius found it hard to believe it was May already; did not want to believe it, in fact. A summer apart from Severus stretched out in front of him, and then just one more year at Hogwarts before Voldemort had him.

He returned his mind to the task at hand. He could see that something Lucius was saying confused Severus, maybe even hurt his feelings. He tried to read the older man's lips, but he'd never been very good at that sort of thing.

"Oi! Padfoot! Stop staring at whatever bloke has caught your attention and _listen_." James kicked his best mate under the table.

"Sorry." Sirius grinned lazily, receding behind his normal mask of nonchalance. "You were saying?"

"You should stay at mine for the holiday." James suggested, "We both know your parents will be thrilled to get rid of you and mine basically want to adopt you."

"You know Orion and Walburga will never agree." Sirius sighed heavily, "They prefer to keep me in their sights at all times, in case I decide to make off with the good silver. Don't worry, I'm out of there the minute I turn seventeen."

The next time Sirius glanced over at Lucius' and Severus' table, the two Slytherins had disappeared. He resolved to ask Severus about it later (although he doubted he'd get the full truth, considering how many of their unspoken 'don't ask, don't tell' rules he'd be breaking).

When he returned his attention to his mates, he found he was not the only one who'd been staring into space. Lily Evans had just entered the pub.

"Bloody hell, just go ask her if you can buy her a Butterbeer already." Sirius growled.

"But…that's not exactly playing it cool."

"James, you haven't played it cool with her since day one. I really don't think you have to worry about it at this point in the game."

"But…that's not what you would do." James protested again.

"When did you decide to start taking pointers from _me_?" Sirius rolled his eyes, "I'm gay, remember? I don't know anything about getting girlfriends."

"But you slept with so many girls before."

"Not _that_ many." Sirius shrugged. "Besides, you don't just want to sleep with a girl, you want her to be your girlfriend. And the girls that will just sleep with you are completely different from the ones that are girlfriend material."

"You're bloody kidding me, right?" James snapped. "You've been sitting on that theory for however long now and you just decided not to mention it?"

"I really thought you knew." Sirius shrugged. It wasn't his job to do _everything_, after all. "Just go buy her a drink."

James practically leapt out of his seat and hurried across the pub. A few feet in front of Lily, he tripped and nearly wound up flat on his face.

"Sometimes I think he might be a lost cause." Sirius grinned at Remus, but the other boy's smile was weak and watery.

"What's wrong?" He followed Remus' gaze to Lily. "Bugger. You love her too."

Peter left the table, muttering something about not wanting to listen to them talk about their feelings and headed for the exit.

"No." Remus said, glad that he didn't have to lie. "I like her a lot. But she deserves better than a werewolf."

"Moony—

"Sirius, I don't want to talk about this." His eyes were determined and his mouth was set in a grim line. There was no use in arguing with him.

"Okay."

Remus glanced around and dropped his voice to a whisper, "I know. About you and Snape."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sirius said automatically.

"He's your boyfriend. Don't look at me like that; I'm not going to tell anyone."

"How long have you known?"

"Since the Easter holiday. How long have you been together?"

"Practically since we got assigned detention together last term."

"Do you love him?"

There was no point in denying it. Remus probably knew the answer anyway. "Yes."

"Okay." Remus smiled.

"That's it? No reminding me of what git he is? How he's Dark Arts obsessed? How he's a Slytherin and scrawny and ugly?"

"I never thought he was a git. That was always you and James. Does it matter to _you_ that he's got a bit of a fascination with the Dark Arts?"

"No."

"Does it bother _you_ that he's a Slytherin?"

"No."

"Do _you_ think he's scrawny and ugly?"

"No. He's not really either of those things." Sirius admitted.

"Then I don't think there's any problem. If you love him, then he's all right in my book."

Sirius gaped at Remus for what felt like a good minute.

"Uh-oh." Remus' expression changed.

"What?" Sirius whirled around in time to see Lily's auburn head disappearing out the front door. A quick glance told him James was still at the bar. He climbed to his feet, "That bitc—

"Sirius, don't." Remus put a hand on his shoulder. "You've got to let him handle this himself."

"Why? She can't just treat my best mate this way."

"If you interfere they'll never get together and we'll never hear the end of it."

Sirius didn't want to watch as James returned to the table he had been sharing with Lily, didn't want to see the crestfallen expression on Prongs' face. Of course, it didn't stop him from watching.

Instead of looking crestfallen though, James' expression switched quickly from confusion to anger to determination and he strode out of the pub after Lily.

"Evans!" James could see her red hair glinting in the May sunlight as she walked the path back up to the castle. He jogged after her, catching up easily. "Evans."

She turned reluctantly, unable to look him in the eye.

"I think you forgot something." James said coolly. "Either that or you're a lot crueller than I thought you were."

"Oh, c'mon, Potter, I was just having a laugh." James was clearly not amused and Lily realised she hadn't been particularly entertained by her own stunt either. Her mother would have probably smacked her if she'd behaved like that in front of her. "I'm sorry." She said after a moment's pause.

"I probably deserved it," James admitted, "I am an arrogant, bullying toe-rag, after all."

Lily bit her lip. Perhaps it was time for her to forgive him for things he'd done a year, two years, three years previous.

"No you didn't." Lily looked up at him, her green eyes wide and apologetic. "You were being so sweet and I just threw it in your face."

They began walking back towards the castle together. It seemed completely natural to reach out and hold her hand, so James did. He had to admit he was surprised when she didn't pull away, but instead laced their fingers together.

"I was going to ask you to this Hogsmeade weekend, you know." Lily said.

"Like a date?" James' eyebrows rose.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you?"

"I chickened out." Lily admitted, "Sirius said that you'd given up on me and I thought maybe you didn't like me anymore and I really didn't want that, since it turns out all these years I thought I hated you I guess I was…wrong?"

"Really?" James grinned.

"Oh, good. I've gone and inflated that head of yours even more."

"Nah." James shrugged, "I've been working on being less of prat."

"I've noticed, actually."

"That was kind of the point."

"So…what Sirius said about you giving up on me…?"

"Why do so many people listen to Sirius and believe he knows what he's talking about? He may be my best mate, but he's also an idiot."

"You'll get no argument from me there." Lily smiled, glancing up at him. "I do have another question."

"Yeah?"

"Is there a reason you haven't kissed me yet?"

James' eyebrows rose, "Well, you might just have to _earn_ a kiss. I don't give them out for free, you know."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, James, you've wanted to kiss me for five years."

"True. But that doesn't mean you deserve it. On the other hand, you could always kiss me."

And so Lily did. She wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing, after all.

* * *

Narcissa sat in her bedroom, staring listlessly out the window. How was it possible that the thing she had been longing for was now the thing she despised most in the world?

She would have to tell Lucius. She hadn't spoken to him (outside of words that contained one syllable) in two months and she hardly wanted to start now. Acknowledging him in any way would feel like she was admitting defeat, like she was forgiving him. And she was _not_ going to forgive him. If she weren't a Black and he weren't a Malfoy, she would have left Malfoy Manor that evening and never looked back, but she had not been brave enough to even consider facing the wrath of both of their families.

And now it was most definitely not an option. She would never be free of Lucius once he discovered she was carrying a Malfoy child. She felt a strong resentment to the tiny life growing within her. She didn't believe she would ever be able to love the product of such an atrocity. Looking at her child would forever be a reminder of the cruelty of her husband. It was unfair for a child to bear that sort of burden, and she hardly wanted to raise a baby in this hostile environment.

On the other hand, perhaps it was a relief. If this baby were a boy, Lucius would have no reason to ever come near her again.

* * *

Sirius was waiting in the Room of Requirement when Severus returned. He could tell from the expression on his boyfriend's face that things had not gone well with Lucius.

"What's the matter?" Sirius asked, pulling Severus into his arms so they were snuggled up comfortably on the couch.

"Something is wrong with Narcissa. She was supposed to visit with Lucius today and he said she has a stomach bug, but she hasn't written me in weeks and I think something's gone badly wrong between the two of them."

"Like what?" Sirius asked, feeling quite concerned for his cousin. She was one of the few members of his family he didn't loathe.

"I don't know. Maybe he hit her; maybe he's already cheating on her. I just wish I could do something. I wanted to warn her about his temper, but I haven't figured out how to say it and now I suspect it's probably too late."

"He's never hurt you, has he?"

"No. But I once saw him beat a house-elf to a pulp for taking thirty seconds too long to bring his tea and then continue conversation as if nothing had happened. So I know what he's capable of."

"He sounds like Walburga."

"Your mother, my father and Lucius could start a club." Severus agreed.

Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of Severus' head. "Yes, well, I'd like to tear your father limb-from-limb for the way he's treated you."

"How terribly romantic." Severus said, smiling. He was trying to stay away from the topic of his father, and Sirius knew it. "Speaking of, I spotted Potter and Lily snogging halfway between Hogsmeade and the castle today."

"About bloody time." Sirius grinned. "You sure it was them?"

"I think I'm capable of recognising my enemy and my best friend, don't you?"

"Of course. I just don't want to get my hopes up to high that I might never have to hear James moping about her again."

"Well, it was them, so hope away." Severus smirked.

"I had an interesting chat with Remus today."

"What did the spineless werewolf have to say?"

"He knows about us. He's known since Easter."

"That doesn't sound like good news."

"He's not going to tell anyone."

"If you say so. But I don't like the way the number of people who know about us keeps increasing."

"It's not _that_ many. Voldemort doesn't know. As far as I'm concerned, that's all that really matters here."

"But—

"Exams start next week and after that we go home and there's a good chance we won't see each other until September. I don't want to fight." Sirius said, more harshly than he'd intended to.

"You're right." Severus sighed, knowing all the things they didn't talk about were going to spin out of their control sooner or later.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this one. I hit a bit of writer's block and I wasn't happy with this chapter, so I ended up re-writing the whole thing. I realise it was not a very action-packed one, nor was it the more cheerful chapter I've been promising in review replies. Sorry about that.**

**Anyway, enough from me. I want to hear what **_**you**_** thought! **

**Also, here's a shout out to all of you lovelies who've been adding this fic to your favourites list. Reviewing is just as awesome as favourite listing! (Not-so-subtle hint there…)**


	18. Chapter 18

_**Eighteen**_

Sirius dumped all of his belongings into his trunk unceremoniously. The thought of going home was never a welcome one, for obvious reasons. He knew Severus felt the same way.

"Ah, cheer up, Padfoot. You can come stay whenever you want." James offered. He was currently emptying out the nightstand between their beds. "Do you want to look after the map this summer or shall I?"

"You should. Walburga might confiscate it."

Sirius slammed his trunk closed and sat on top of it. He glanced at the clock in the middle of the circular tower room.

"Do you have a hot date or something?" James grinned.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I liked you better when you were the most unobservant person ever, Prongs."

"You've checked the time every thirty seconds for the last hour. I might start getting the idea that you don't want to spend time with me, your best mate, on our last night in the castle." James pulled a mock-hurt expression.

Sirius threw his pillow at James, hitting the bespectacled boy in the face. "Like you're going to be around tonight anyway. You're going to slink off to some hidden corner with Evans."

James grinned, "Yes, but not until after dinner. I have a feeling you'll be disappearing now and we won't see you until it's time to leave for Hogsmeade station tomorrow."

"I stand by my original statement. I liked you better when you were an idiot."

* * *

Sirius met Severus at the Room of Requirement. He paced in front of the blank wall, and the door appeared. The two boys stepped inside.

"All packed?" Sirius asked, settling on the sofa.

Severus sat next to him. "Yes. I doubt it took me as long as it took you. My clothes aren't scattered across every dormitory in this castle, after all." Severus smirked.

"Oh, you slay me." Sirius clutched at his heart. "I am missing quite a lot, actually, but I suspect I know exactly where it is."

"Oh?" Severus feigned innocence.

"I think if I were to sneak into Slytherin again, I might find it all in _your_ trunk."

"Mere speculation." Severus grinned, "You'll never prove it. I doubt Dumbledore will be willing to give you the password a second time."

Sirius didn't bother asking how Severus had figured out it was Dumbledore who'd assisted him. "Perhaps not. But I think I could get it out of you pretty easily."

Severus smirked. He leaned closer to Sirius and dropped his voice to a whisper, his breath ghosting across Sirius' face. "I'd like to see you try."

"You're not playing fair." Sirius said, once he'd regained the ability to speak.

"Of course not. I'm a Slytherin."

Sirius moved quickly, pulling Severus off of the couch and onto the floor. They wrestled playfully for a few minutes, each struggling for the upper hand until Severus sat astride Sirius waist, the victor.

"Ha!" He grinned, "And you thought you were going to win."

"Who said this was over?" Sirius smirked, rolling so their places were reversed. "I win."

"I don't think so. Because now I've got you exactly where I want you."

Severus pulled Sirius down by the front of his shirt, their lips colliding forcefully. Severus twisted his hands into Sirius' hair and Sirius snaked his arms around Severus.

Sirius pulled away, "I thought we were supposed to be talking about the summer tonight."

"Talking is overrated. We do _way_ too much talking. Now shut up and kiss me."

* * *

"Can I maybe write you this summer?" James glanced sheepishly at Lily. They were huddled together in the common room. Almost everyone else was still packing, so the common room was much quieter than it usually was.

"I'd be rather disappointed if you didn't." Lily smiled.

"Have you got any exciting plans?"

Lily shook her head, "We stopped going on family holidays when I started Hogwarts."

"Why?" James forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"Because Tuney and I can't be in the same room without sniping at each other anymore, let alone share a room on holiday."

"I'm sorry, Lily. Maybe you can come visit me?" He looked at her with earnest eyes.

She grinned at him, "I doubt my parents would let me go stay with my boyfriend."

James grinned widely when she called him her boyfriend. "Maybe if my mum wrote your mum?"

"Maybe. I would really like to visit you. Especially if your parents are as nice as Sirius says. Apparently they prefer him to you," her eyes danced with a teasing gleam.

"I thought we established that listening to Sirius is never a good idea?" James rolled his eyes.

"True." Lily grinned. "We have."

The common room had begun to fill up with people and James could feel eyes boring into the back of his head. Lily squirmed uncomfortably with all of the attention. He knew the Gryffindors were all curious about her sudden change of heart and both of them had been pestered for weeks now about their relationship.

"You want to get out of here?" He suggested.

"It's after curfew," Lily frowned, "we'll get caught."

James grinned; never had the Invisibility Cloak been more useful. "I have a way. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," Lily said, after only a moment's hesitation.

"Good. Follow me."

* * *

Sirius leant against the headboard of the bed in the Room of Requirement. Severus was sprawled across the bed, more relaxed than Sirius had seen him in a long time. His head was resting in Sirius' lap and the Gryffindor was threading his fingers through Severus' hair lightly.

"Sev…the summer…" Sirius prompted, looking down at his boyfriend's face.

Severus sighed, "It's going to be long and it's going to be really difficult to be away from you, but it will be okay."

"Well, can I write you?"

"Of course you can, idiot." Severus smirked. "Just make sure your owls don't deliver the letters to anyone but me. Can't imagine what would happen if Tobias intercepted one."

Sirius shuddered at the thought. "Well, the same goes for Walburga, I suppose."

A silence fell between them, and Severus could feel the dread rolling off of Sirius in waves.

"It won't be so bad. I promise."

"I just hate being there. It will make everything so much worse."

"Stay with Potter, then." Severus suggested.

A flicker of a grin lit up Sirius' face for a brief moment. "Never thought I'd hear you endorsing James Potter."

"I'm not saying I want to rush out and become his best mate," Severus rolled his eyes, "but if you're happier living with him then why don't you just move out?"

"It will be harder for us to stay in touch if I live with the Potters. James will demand to know who I'm writing. Walburga and Orion won't even notice"

"Tell him then." Severus shrugged. "I know he hates me, but he's your best mate and he's going to find out sooner or later."

Sirius' eyebrows rose in surprise, "You want me to tell James?"

"Well, _want_ is a bit of a strong word. But it might make things easier if he did know."

"I'll think about it." Sirius said.

"Okay," Severus sat up. "Can we be done talking now? I'm not going to see you for three months after tomorrow and I think I'll need something to remember you by."

Sirius grinned, "I think that could be arranged."

* * *

The Marauders sat together on the train, as per usual. The difference this year, however, was that Lily joined them. She and James spent the whole journey making cow eyes at one another and holding hands. Remus and Sirius stared despondently out the window and Peter chattered into the empty air.

Sirius filled the time thinking about a happy bubble world in which Lord Voldemort did not exist and Severus and James could be friends. It was a far more depressing exercise than he intended, however, and wound up even more miserable than when he'd started.

"You're all such a cheerful bunch," Lily said with a smirk.

"I don't think you could find people less excited about the summer holidays than us." Remus sighed.

"It won't be so bad," Lily said sympathetically. "Besides, it's not as if seventh year is going to be very fun. It's N.E.W.T.s, after all."

"You're not helping, Evans." Sirius rolled his eyes.

Lily only stuck her tongue out at him before resting her head on James' shoulder.

"He's just pining over whatever boy he's been sneaking away to see." James grinned. "He'll get over it soon enough."

Sirius returned his attention back to the passing countryside, but not quickly enough to miss the comforting smile Remus shot him. He didn't doubt that Evans was pulling the same expression. Bloody know-it-alls.

He checked his watch and realised with dismay that there were still three hours left until they reached Kings Cross. Sirius was certain they would be the longest three hours of his life, leading up to the longest three months of his life.

* * *

Severus sat with his usual crowd of Slytherins. He had hoped to find an empty compartment, but he was not so lucky. Regulus Black had found him and sat down without asking and once the others spotted Severus and Reg, they joined as well.

Macnair was speaking reverently of the Dark Lord. He had officially finished Hogwarts and was applying for jobs in the Ministry. Rudolphus Lestrange, who had finished Hogwarts two years previous, was apparently going to put in a good word for Walden with the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures (which to Severus sounded like the most horrific job ever but would probably suit Macnair quite well). Rudolphus and his wife were easily the Dark Lord's biggest supporters and his financial backers.

Avery and Mulciber were playing an annoying game of Exploding Snap and not paying any attention to Macnair. A friend of Reg's had appeared halfway through the journey; he was called Evan Rosier and his father was a strong supporter of the cause.

Severus folded himself into the corner and tried to concentrate on making himself invisible. Not literally, of course—that was impossible—but if he remained quite still and did not say anything and let his hair fall in front of his face, they would forget about him. They always did. It was a trick that he had first taught himself when he was quite young, probably no more than five, and hiding from his drunk and raging father. It had thus far proven useful in almost every situation.

Severus speculated for a moment what he would find when he returned to Spinner's End. He knew his mother would not come and pick him up from King's Cross, as she had lost the ability to Apparate several years ago. Instead, he would have to take another train from the station. He would not reach home until nearly eight that evening. On the one hand, this was a blessing because he suspected Tobias would be gone for the night by then. His mother would either be thrilled to see him or beg him to stay somewhere else. He suspected it would be the latter. His presence always made things ten times worse.

He mentally shook himself. Returning to Spinner's End (he never allowed himself to think of that hellhole as home) was always bad, and dwelling on it would only make things worse.

"Snape," Avery glanced over at him, the game of Exploding Snap finally finished, "You staying with Lucius this summer?"

"No."

"Why?"

"My parents do like to see me occasionally."

Avery's expression was sceptical. Most of Slytherin guessed at the misery Severus' home life from his shabby clothes, lack of Christmas presents and the way his parents never wrote. "You haven't fallen out with him, have you?"

"Of course not," Severus scowled.

"Just checking," Avery put his hands up defensively, palms out. "Without Lucius' support, I don't think the Dark Lord will be willing to overlook your Muggle father."

"I was not aware that you and the Dark Lord were so close that he shares such plans with you." Severus sneered. "I'm sure if he's willing to overlook your Squib brother, he won't worry himself over my Muggle father."

Avery reared back in surprise. "How did you know?"

"Oh. Was it a secret?" Severus asked flatly, his expression bored.

Avery glared at him, "I swear Snape, if you bring my brother into this again—

"Relax, Avery. You ignore my father I won't mention your brother."

"Fine." Avery spat, still glaring at Severus murderously.

"I highly doubt the Dark Lord wants to hear about the two of you sniping at each other." Reg warned archly, "With your questionable family connections, neither of you needs another strike against you."

"Is that a threat, Black?" Severus' eyes narrowed at Sirius' younger brother. He didn't like how much the younger boy knew. "Are you going to rat us out?"

"If you stop bickering like children, I won't have to." Reg shot back.

"Bit of the pot calling the kettle black, though, isn't it," Severus snarled. "Considering your brother's a blood traitor _and_ a poof."

Reg's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Clearly he had not been expecting Severus to bring up Sirius. Severus quickly quashed his guilt. Saving face in front of the rest of the Slytherins could someday become a matter of life and death and if he needed to badmouth Sirius to them in the process, he was going to do it. He was of no use to his boyfriend if Lord Voldemort killed him.

"I'm sure the Dark Lord will find an appropriate way to…deal with Sirius."

Severus did _not_ like the glint in Reg's eyes. He knew that the Black brothers did not get along, but he did not think that their dislike went so far as Reg wanting Lord Voldemort to take care of the problem that was Sirius. Then again, Severus had no siblings so he did not know how deep sibling rivalry could run. He certainly hoped not so deep as murder.

* * *

Sirius took his time getting off the train. He wanted to delay his return to Grimmauld Place as long as he possibly could. He could see James walking over with Lily to meet her parents. Remus and his mother Apparated off the platform almost immediately. Peter stood waiting by the barrier for his parents; the Pettigrews were notorious for their lack of punctuality. Peter would likely be waiting for at least twenty minutes.

Sirius could make out Walburga standing on the steamy platform, her posture stiff and ramrod straight. He wondered, not for the first time, if she'd always been so uptight or if she had developed the habit from Orion after twenty years of marriage.

He decided he could not delay any longer without incurring his mother's wrath (not that he wouldn't manage to do this somehow in his first ten minutes at home) and left the compartment reluctantly.

He collided with Severus in the aisle.

"Your brother's a prick," Severus muttered.

"Tell me something I don't know," Sirius grinned and tossed his hair out of his eyes for Severus' benefit.

"He's likely going to try to get under your skin and say that I called you a poof and a blood traitor."

"Did you?" Sirius frowned.

"Yes. Reg and Avery were harping about my questionable family and I had to take the easy shots at theirs. I didn't mean it."

"Okay." Sirius nodded.

"Wanna sneak into the loo for a snog?"

"Can't," Sirius said sadly. "Walburga's on the platform."

"You should go, then. She'll be annoyed enough as it is."

"About what?"

"I see you've let your hair run amok again, Sirius," Severus said, in a terrifyingly excellent imitation of Walburga.

Sirius grinned, "I'll miss you."

"Yeah. Me too. Write soon."

"I will." Sirius promised. He tossed his hair out of his eyes and grinned slowly one last time before getting off the train.

Severus turned to gather his things and was rather startled to see an even more surprised second year Hufflepuff girl with blonde pigtails gaping at him. He did not know the girl's name, but it would not matter. If he knew how to do a memory charm, he would have done, but he didn't want to botch it. Besides, she was a Hufflepuff, and a tiny one at that. Intimidation would work fine.

He dropped his voice to his most dangerous and terrifying whisper, stepping closer to the girl so he towered over her. "If you tell _anyone_ what you just saw, I _will_ know it was you and I will find you and make sure some very…unpleasant things happen to you and your family. Understood?"

The blonde girl squeaked in terror, "Yes."

"Good. Run along now."

She practically sprinted off the train and Severus followed after a few seconds. There would be a train to Manchester leaving in half an hour, so he was not in a huge rush. He watched Walburga grip Sirius and Regulus by the elbows and turn on the spot, Apparating them away. Severus found this rather ridiculous, considering Sirius had told him Grimmauld Place was only a short walk from the station. Then again, he doubted Walburga ever stepped down off her high horse long enough to mingle with the Muggle riffraff that walked the streets of London.

Severus pulled his robes off and put them in his trunk, leaving him in jeans and a shirt he'd stolen from Sirius. He pulled a jumper that had also belonged to Sirius over his head and closed his trunk again, before shrinking it and putting it in his pocket.

He crossed through the barrier and went off in search of the Manchester train.

* * *

Walburga cut Sirius' hair with a flick of her wand the moment they crossed the threshold. "Much better," she said with that malicious smile of hers. "Kreacher."

The elf appeared less than a moment later, already bowing low, his nose practically touching the floor.

"Mistress," the elf said, "and Master Regulus," Kreacher dropped his voice to a mutter, "and that nasty blood traitor, always disappointing his mother."

"Nice to see you too, Kreacher," Sirius said sarcastically. "I thought maybe you'd died by now. I must remember not to get my hopes up to high every time I go away."

Walburga cuffed him upside the head quickly. "Go upstairs and make yourself presentable for dinner."

Sirius stormed up the stairs, calling over his shoulder as he went, "So good to be home as usual, Mother."

He stomped into his room, slammed the door, locked it behind him and dropped onto his bed. He would not come downstairs for dinner, but Orion, Walburga and Reg would prefer it that way. He stared at the canopy of his four-poster listlessly and wondered how soon he could make his escape to the Potters. He doubted Walburga was going to get her fill of torturing him in just twenty-four hours, which was a shame, because that was twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes longer than he wanted to spend in this house.

* * *

Severus walked up the dirty street, thankful there was no one to watch him from the empty houses. The last time he had been home, only three of the houses on Spinner's End had been occupied. Now it seemed there were only two. By the end of the summer, Severus would not be surprised if the Snapes were the last ones left.

He reached the dead end and stood on the cracked pavement looking at the house. He considered running away: Apparating illegally to Malfoy Manor and staying out the summer with Lucius.

But he saw the curtains flutter in the sitting room window and a sliver of his mother's face in the gap. He heaved a heavy sigh and stepped towards the house.

Eileen Prince Snape opened the door no more than fifteen centimetres and hissed, "Severus?"

"Yes, Mum." Severus said, already weary.

"I forgot you were coming home today."

"That's alright, Mum. Is he home?"

"No. Haven't seen him since Monday."

Severus sighed again. A five-day binge would mean bad news for Severus if Tobias happened to remember through his drunken haze his freak son always returned home from his freak school on the 1st of June.

"Can I come in, Mum?" Severus asked gently.

"Oh. Yes. It's a bit of a mess."

"I don't mind." Severus eased the door open further and stepped through.

"You've gotten taller," Eileen said, almost affectionately.

Severus looked down at his mother and realised this had to be true. They had been the same height this time last year.

"How was your school year? Did your O.W.L.s go all right?"

"I sat them last year." Severus reminded her.

"Oh. That's right. Silly me."

"School was okay." Severus said.

"Good boy," Eileen reached up and patted his cheek, before turning and shuffling towards the galley kitchen at the back of the house.

"I'm going to go unpack, Mum."

"That's fine. Are you hungry?"

"I ate on the train. I think I'll probably turn in early. I've had a long day of travelling."

"Sleep well, then, dearest. I'll see you in the morning."

Severus climbed the stairs to his bedroom. It was directly above the kitchen and about half the size of the small sitting room. He pulled open the drawer of his nightstand and placed his shrunken trunk inside, hiding it under a few scraps of paper. Magic things were best kept hidden away from Tobias.

Before collapsing into his narrow, lumpy bed he stepped into the afterthought of a bathroom that sat between his bedroom and his parent's slightly larger one. He stared at himself in the grimy mirror, before splashing some water on his face and leaving the bathroom again.

He closed his bedroom door, but it had never closed properly and even if it did, it wouldn't keep Tobias out anyway. He toed out of his shoes and lay down on top of the sheets—sheets were cumbersome when you had to leap out of bed at a moment's notice.

He did not fall asleep, as he had told his mother he would. Instead, he lay awake, listening for the pounding footsteps on the stairs that would signal the return of his nightmares come to life. Just as the clock tolled two, he heard the front door open and slam and every muscle in his body tensed. Tobais was home.

* * *

**A/N: Writer's block well and truly done away with (for this chapter anyway). Sometimes it just takes is massive amounts of caffeine and staying awake until four in the morning writing.**

**I eagerly await your reviews, as this chapter took a different turn than I'd intended and I'm anxious to know what you think. **


	19. Chapter 19

**WARNING: This chapter contains domestic violence.**

**

* * *

**

_**Nineteen**_

Severus listened as the footsteps on the stairs got louder and louder. There was no one in this world that could terrify him as much as his father did. He held his breath, hoping Tobias would walk past his door and collapse in his own bed to sleep it off.

"Sev'rus," His father grunted, before pushing the door open.

Severus sat up immediately and squinted when Tobias flicked the light on. The smell of alcohol and sick filled Severus' small room and his stomach twisted on itself. He'd recognised early on that that particular smell meant danger ahead.

"You look like your mother." Tobias' eyes narrowed. Surprisingly, he was not slurring, but Severus wasn't sure if this rather tenuous grasp on sobriety was a good thing or not. It might just improve his aim.

The fact that Tobias thought he looked like Eileen was _not_ a compliment. Tobias' favourite pastime, after bullying his son, was picking on his wife. Eileen could never be described as pretty, even before Tobias' turned her body into his personal punching bag. She was unashamedly plain, with dull skin and dirty hair and blunt features. When he was around, Tobias found as many synonyms for ugly as he could and hurled the insults at his wife casually, as if commenting on the weather.

Rather ironically, though, it was his father that Severus took after. They had the same lean, narrow build (Eileen was short and densely packed), the same hooked nose, and the same dark eyes. From Eileen Severus had gotten nothing but his intelligence—and rather long eyelashes.

"Back from that school of yours," Tobias grunted.

"Yes." Severus lifted his chin defiantly, ready for whatever jab came next.

But Tobias didn't say anything. Instead, his eyes focused on the green jumper Severus' was wearing. It was Sirius' and much nicer than anything Severus owned. He realised his mistake almost immediately.

"Where did you get that?" Tobias scowled. "One of your freak friends at your posh school? Have you been pretending to be something you're not, Sevvie?" Tobias' eyes glinted as he moved closer.

"No. It was, er, a gift." The lie was feeble and flimsy and he began to feel the seeds of panic as his father closed in on him in the tiny room.

"You can dress up in nice clothes," Tobias yanked on the jumper and Severus heard it rip, "and pretend you're better than all this," Tobais waved his arms around the room and Severus cowered. "But you aren't. You'll never be anything but a little ugly freak, like your mother."

Tobias shoved Severus hard enough to send him flying. He hit his nightstand and tumbled over onto the floor. In his more stubborn days, he would have gotten up, provoked his father further, and possibly made the light bulb explode when he lost control of his magic, but he wasn't interested in spending any of this summer in hospital.

"Pathetic," Tobias spat in his direction before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Severus sat up slowly and assessed the damage. He was going to have a nasty bruise on the back of his leg, for sure, but that was easy to hide. There would probably be a good-sized lump on his head too, from where he hit the floor, but it would go down again in a few days. He was glad not to have any broken bones or injuries that needed stitches. Those things meant going to the hospital, and hospitals asked too many questions.

He pulled the ripped jumper off over his head. He would try to mend it magically the next time Tobias wasn't home.

He crawled back into bed, the jumper clutched to his chest. One day down, ninety-one to go.

* * *

_Sev,_

_ Walburga cut my hair again, first thing. I should have expected it. If I were of age, I'd charm it back, but I've still got months to go before my birthday. _

_ I have yet to see Orion. He's been holed up in his study with Reg. That's never happened before, so it can't be good. Probably they're discussing Voldemort, but it makes me uneasy. _

_ How are things at home? If your father hurt you, I'll come tear him to pieces._

_ Love, Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_Sirius,_

_ I charmed the envelope. Your hair should have grown back. Let me know if she cuts it again. I think you're right about Reg. I'm worried about how much he knows. If I knew how to do it, I'd Obliviate him._

_ That reminds me. Some little Hufflepuff saw us on the train. I think I intimidated her enough to keep her quiet (she is a __Hufflepuff__, after all) but I might have to send her a few menacing glares when we get back in September, just so she remembers to keep her mouth shut._

_ Things here are fine. I'm worried about my mum. She's spacey and scattered most of the time. She used to be a really tidy, organised person and now the house is a mess. Tobias hasn't been around much, which helps. She goes into this shell when he's around and the longer he stays, the more out-of-it she is once he goes. _

_ Miss you._

_ Sev_

_

* * *

_

_Sev,_

_ Walburga had a bunch of the Black family over for dinner last night. My crazy cousin Bellatrix and her even weirder husband Rudolphus talked about nothing besides Voldemort. (I wouldn't be surprised if both of them are sleeping with him, they love him so much.) Apparently they're funding his whole project. You probably already knew that, though. _

_ Naturally it turned into abuse Sirius, worship Regulus night. I am, according to the family, an enormous disappointment to my parents, dragging the illustrious name of Black through the mud, and a blood traitor. (You'd think after sixteen years, they might be able to come up with some fresh material.) That little shit Reg kept making not-so-subtle references to my sexual preference—which nobody paid any attention to except Rastaban Lestrange. He's Rudolphus' brother and he was giving me the eye all though pudding. Creepy bugger._

_ Anyway, my Uncle Alphard was there too. He's always good for a laugh. He and Orion get along as well as Reg and I do, but Orion tolerates him because Alphard is older and inherited all the fortune. (Orion is only rich through marriage to Walburga. I'm sure she uses this to emasculate him on a daily basis.) I think Orion is hoping Alphard will kick the bucket soon and the inheritance will pass to him. Sort of makes me question Orion's intelligence. Alphard's not about to leave all his money to the brother he hates. I wouldn't give a dirty sock to Reg, let alone a vault full of gold._

_ I'm sorry about your mum. That must be really difficult. Please don't do anything foolish where Tobias is concerned. I want to see you in September in one piece._

_ Miss you too._

_ Love, Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_ Don't do anything foolish_, Severus scoffed. Easy for Sirius to say. He scrawled a hasty reply, filled with more lies about his home life and sent Sirius' owl on its way.

Severus dressed for the day and stepped into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He watched his reflection in the mirror as he did. His lip was split and swollen, both his eyes were bruised, his nose had been broken again, and there was a day-old bruise on his jaw. If he took his shirt off, he knew his chest was littered in bruises of varying ages: some yellowed and fading, some dark purple and brand new.

It was easy, in the light of day when Tobias was passed out in the next room or up the road at the pub, to say that he would fight back the next time, that he would give his father a taste of his own medicine. But it was very different when it was dark, his father was drunk and he was cornered in that tiny bedroom.

He spit his toothpaste into the sink and watched in dismay as one of his molars clattered around the basin and then disappeared down the drain. Tobias must have knocked it loose last night. Oh well. What was one molar compared to broken ribs and noses?

He proceeded cautiously down the stairs. Waking Tobias would lead to disastrous things.

His mother was in the kitchen, scrambling eggs absentmindedly. The bacon in the frying pan next to the eggs was burning.

"Where did you get bacon and eggs, Mum?" Severus frowned. Breakfast was rarely anything more than stale toast.

"I work at the Tesco in town now." Eileen said brightly. "The manager is nice. He lets me take the things that are past their sell-by date."

"Does Dad know?" Severus felt panic building in the pit of his stomach.

"Yes, silly. He takes almost all of my paycheck."

Eileen did not look at her son for the duration of the conversation. Severus knew she didn't want to see the evidence of her mistakes.

"Get a plate." Eileen instructed. "Breakfast is ready."

"I'm not hungry, Mum. I'm going for a walk." Severus shoved his feet into the trainers by the door, not bothering to do up the laces. They were from two summers ago and they pinched, but he didn't care.

"Okay. Have a nice walk."

Severus walked with his eyes turned toward the ground. He did not need to draw any attention to his face. He crossed the bridge over the river that lead to the more respectable side of town. He passed the Tesco where his mother now worked, a few pubs his father frequented, and some cafes, before arriving in the park where he had spent the majority of his childhood.

He stayed in the small woods by the river. Mothers got nervous when teenaged boys hung around parks.

He heard footsteps approaching and scrambled to his feet, ready to bolt.

"It's just me, Sev." Lily's voice stopped him in his tracks. He turned around. "What happened?" Lily cried.

"Tobias." Severus shrugged.

"Have you gone to the police?" Lily's forehead wrinkled in concern.

"No." Severus scowled. "And I'm not going to."

"But Sev—

"Lily, no."

"Okay." She sat down at the base of her favourite tree and leaned against the trunk. Severus sat again too. "It's been going on all along, hasn't it?" She said, her eyes sad. "Even when we were kids? You told me they just fought a lot."

"They did. She still had a backbone then. This only started a few years ago." He lied. Lying about this was second nature. "Let's talk about something else."

Lily nodded. "Do you come back here often?"

"Today's the first time. You?"

"Sometimes. More and more since Tuney's boyfriend starting hanging around."

"She's got a boyfriend?"

"Yeah." Lily shuddered, "He's horrid. All he does is boss her around. It's revolting, watching her wait on him. They're going to get married next summer, I think. Speaking of boyfriends…how's Sirius?"

"He's miserable. How's Potter?"

Lily beamed at the mention of her boyfriend. "He's good. I think I'm going to visit him in July."

"Lucky you," Severus rolled his eyes.

They sat in silence for a little while.

"This is strange." Lily commented. "Being friends again."

"Are we, though?" Severus frowned.

"I think we could be."

Severus wasn't going to get his hopes up. Lily was forgetting about the reasons they'd stopped being friends in the first place.

"I should go," Severus said.

"Okay."

"I'll see you around though."

Lily nodded and watched sadly as the tall, thin boy limped away.

* * *

_Sev,_

_ Reg has got a friend from school visiting, that bloke Evan Rosier. The two of them spend all of their time whispering about initiations and big plans and raid the library for books on the Dark Arts. Pair of gits. Walburga fawns over all of them, of course. Kreacher (the house elf) keeps making all these comments about how Walburga should cut me loose and adopt Rosier._

_ If they all don't start leaving me alone by July, I'll owl James and ask if I can stay._

_ You said your mum's working at Tesco, but I don't speak Muggle so I don't really know what that means. I hope it's a good thing though. You didn't seem very happy about it._

_ I've got to go. Orion is outside my door. Can't imagine why he's deigning to speak to me. _

_ Love, Sirius_

_

* * *

_

Severus hadn't heard from Sirius in two weeks and he was starting to get worried. He had no way of contacting his boyfriend to find out what was going on, and so he waited impatiently for the return of Sirius' owl.

It didn't help that Tobias hadn't been around for three days. Severus spent every moment on edge, waiting for his father's return or an owl from Sirius.

Eileen was getting more and more spacey as time passed, too. She constantly forgot when her shifts at Tesco began. Severus had spoken to her manager several times on the phone. He was a cheerful and forgiving man called Herbert Moore. Once Severus explained that Eileen wasn't exactly all there, he began sending home a copy of her schedule so Severus could remind her to go to work. It was exhausting, looking after his mother, protecting her from his father and worrying about Sirius.

Severus was home alone one afternoon when the rumbling of a motorcycle disrupted the usually silent Spinner's End. He wondered if it was the Peabodys' delinquent son. They were an elderly couple that lived across the street and their son was constantly in and out of prison.

Curious, he walked up to the window and peeked out the curtains. The motorcycle was parked outside his house, not the Peabodys'. Severus frowned. He didn't know anyone with a motorcycle and it wasn't as if his parents had friends.

Then, the rider of the enormous black motorcycle pulled off his helmet. Severus' heart leapt into his throat in surprise. Sirius.

He yanked the door open and rushed outside. Something was wrong if Sirius was here. Sure enough, the second he got close, Sirius' face crumpled and he flung himself into Severus' arms.

"Come inside." Severus said. "Nobody's home and the neighbours are nosy."

He guided Sirius into the house and up the stairs. They stood in the middle of Severus' tiny bedroom, Sirius sobbing into Severus' chest and Severus stroking his back gently, muttering soothing words.

"What happened?" Severus asked gently when Sirius lifted his face from Severus' chest.

Sirius sat on the bed and pulled Severus with him. "Will you just hold me for a little while longer and then I'll tell you?"

"Yes."

They stretched out on Severus' lumpy mattress, Sirius burrowing his tearstained face into Severus' neck. Severus glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It was only noon. His mother was working until five and Tobias wouldn't be home until the pubs closed.

Severus pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius' head, his hair tickling his nose. He wished he could enjoy this moment of having his boyfriend back in his arms, but he was far too worried. He'd never seen Sirius like this.

Sirius took a few shuddering breaths, "I'm ready."

"Okay." Severus sat up, leaning against the wall behind his bed. Sirius sat opposite him.

"Two weeks ago, when I was writing to you, Orion came and knocked on my door."

"I remember that." Severus nodded.

"Alphard died."

"Sirius, I'm so sorry. I know you liked him."

"I did." Sirius nodded. "The funeral was a real Black family affair. Everyone turned out, because they knew he had the most money of all of them and they all wanted to know who would inherit. He would have hated every minute of it.

"Since he was Orion's brother, the solicitor came to Grimmauld Place a few days later to read his will. We were all crammed in the dining room—the four of us and the rest of the vultures. Bellatrix was talking about how fond dear Uncle Alfie was of her. He wasn't even her uncle and he loathed her just like he loathed the rest of them.

"Anyway, Alphard didn't leave the money to Orion, just like I said he wouldn't."

"What did he do?"

"He left it to his son." Sirius' lip began to quiver again.

"He has a son?"

"Well, that's the kicker. Everybody was whispering and hissing, trying to figure out who this son is, because he was never married and didn't have any children as far as anyone knew. He did though, and there were only two other people in the world that knew about it."

Severus understood quite suddenly, but he did not interrupt Sirius.

"While everyone was trying to figure it out, Orion and Walburga were just glaring at each other. And then Orion said, 'time to tell the truth, Walburga' and everyone went really quiet." Tears began to run down Sirius' face again. "She admitted I'm his son. And then the whole family was at each other's throats, arguing that the will shouldn't hold up, that there was no proof I'm his, as if all of this was happening to them and it wasn't me who found his father and lost him at the same time.

"But there was proof. Walburga disappeared and came back five minutes later with a letter addressed to me." Sirius fished into his pocket and handed the letter to Severus. "You can read it."

Severus took the letter and unfolded it gingerly.

_Dear Sirius,_

_ If you're reading this, either your mother has grown a conscience or the solicitor has just read my will. I suspect it is the latter. Walburga is nothing if not consistent._

_ I'll take this opportunity to claim you, Sirius Orion Black, as my son. That should make the will valid and binding and satisfy the solicitor, at least, if not all of those Black vultures._

_ I'm going to explain everything to you, since we both know your mother won't. You've heard Walburga and Orion's story bandied about at dinner parties (usually by me; I will admit I did it to torture her), so you know of the beginnings of their relationship. Their passion for one another faded after barely a year. You've lived with him long enough to know that Orion's personality, while enough to make a girl of eighteen fall in love with him, is not conducive to a happy marriage. He's cold and surly and insensitive and I think your mother thought he was a romance novel hero she could fix and change if she just loved him enough. She caught on quickly that this wasn't the case and I'm afraid that's where I come in. I was far too charming for my own good and I was exactly the opposite of Orion, so Walburga gravitated towards me. Our affair was short-lived; she wanted nothing to do with me the moment she discovered she was pregnant._

_ I knew the baby was mine, she definitely knew and it didn't take very long for Orion to figure it out too. He may be self-absorbed, but he's not an idiot. I wanted to claim you as my own from the moment Walburga told me. Unfortunately, Walburga was no more in love with me than she was with Orion and my offer of running away together was scoffed at and rejected immediately. She chose to remain married to Orion to escape the stigma of being a divorced woman in Pureblood society. It may not seem that way, but she did it for you. She wanted to protect you from scandal. She told me Orion would raise you like his own if I faded quietly into the background of your life. _

_ But we both know that didn't happen. The minute Regulus was born, he was Orion's favourite. It took Walburga longer, but I think by the time you were five or six and it was clear you took after me, you reminded her too much of her mistakes. It killed me, watching you be rejected over and over again. I fought with Orion every time I saw him, but of course we'd all gotten trapped in our lie and there was nothing to be done. _

_ I wish desperately things had been different. I want you to know that I love you, my son, and I am terribly proud of you._

_ Love always, _

_ Alphard Black_

Severus finished reading and handed the letter back to Sirius. "Are you okay?"

"No," Sirius shook his head. "I hate her. She was married to one brother and had an affair with the other? How fucking twisted is that? And she let me go through my entire childhood feeling unloved and unwanted because she was afraid of what people would say." Sirius ran a hand through his hair. He seemed more angry than upset now. "Orion, Walburga and I had a fight in front of everyone. I can barely remember what I said, but they deserved it. I collected the key to my Gringotts vault from the solicitor, packed my things and left. I'm never going back there."

"You don't have to." Severus said softly. "I was so worried when I didn't hear from you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise. I understand."

"You lied to me." Sirius said suddenly.

"What?" Severus frowned.

"You said you were okay and that he hadn't touched you."

Severus' hand jumped to the bruise on his cheek. It was several days old. "That was the first time." He lied.

"Don't lie to me." Sirius said, reaching for Severus. Before Severus could stop him, Sirius tugged up the hem of Severus' t-shirt, revealing the constellation of bruises on his chest.

"You have a wand," Sirius whispered, his expression murderous. "You're of age. You could stop him so easily."

"No." Severus shook his head. "If I get my wand…I'll kill him."

"He deserves it."

"Maybe. But I'll still be sent to Azkaban."

"Not if it's self defence."

"It wouldn't be." Severus said darkly. "I'd torture him first. I'd make him pay for everything he did to me and to my mother."

A shiver ran down Sirius' spine. He remembered thinking, so many months ago, that Severus could be truly terrifying when he wanted to be. This was one of those moments.

"Where is he now?" Sirius asked.

"Haven't seen him for a few days. Presumably he's either passed out in a gutter somewhere or he's getting drunk enough to come home."

"And your mum?"

"She's at work."

Sirius nodded. "How long before I have to clear out then?"

Severus glanced at the clock. "Four hours. Mum gets off work at five."

"Better make the most of it then," Sirius said, pulling Severus toward him. Their lips met softly once, but Severus pulled away.

"Sirius, you're upset. This is hardly the time. I'm supposed to be helping you feel better, not taking advantage of you."

"You're not taking advantage," Sirius looped his arms around Severus' waist. "I need you."

Severus felt his resolve crumbling and he sighed. "You sure?"

"Yes." Sirius kissed him again and Severus let the rest of the world fall away until nothing mattered but the two of them.

* * *

Severus watched their time together disappear on the clock beside his bed. At quarter to four, they began to gather their scattered clothes, slowly and reluctantly returning to the real world.

"Where are you going to go?" Severus asked, realising it hadn't even occurred to him.

"I'll go crash with the Potters for now. I have the money to get my own place, but I can't really do anything about it until I'm of age."

Severus nodded, leading Sirius down the stairs. "Write me when you get there."

Sirius nodded. They stopped at the door. Sirius pulled Severus towards him, their lips meeting in a searing kiss.

"I love you," Sirius whispered. "And thanks."

"Of course," Severus nodded, burying his face in Sirius' chest for a moment, deeply inhaling his familiar scent. "Love you too."

Severus spied his mother coming up the street. "That's my mum."

Sirius nodded, "I'll go."

He kissed Severus on the forehead before opening the door and stepping outside. He nodded to Eileen as they passed next to his motorcycle. He kick-started the bike and sat astride it for a moment, just looking at Severus standing in the doorway, before roaring off down the street.

"Who was that?" Eileen asked.

"Hmm?" Severus had been too focused on Sirius to hear her question.

"The boy on the motorbike? Who was he?"

"He was lost." Severus said, still looking at the place where Sirius had been. "He just needed some help."

"That's nice," Eileen smiled up at Severus, her eyes dull and expressionless.

Severus stepped back into the sitting room and closed the door. Already his time with Sirius that afternoon had faded away like a dream, like it hadn't even happened.

* * *

**A/N: Okay. Quick canon comment from me and then I'll shut up. According to the Black family tree in **_**Prisoner of Azkaban**_**, Uncle Alphard is Walburga's brother, not Orion's. I could have come up with a non-canon character, but since Sirius and Regulus are described as looking alike, I needed someone in the Black family. Orion doesn't have any brothers and since Alphard was the uncle that gave Sirius money, I decided to have him hop over to Orion's side of the tree. I figured it's not **_**too**_** big a deal considering the Black family is pretty incestuous to begin with. **

**Also, can anyone spy the little joke I've made for myself with Sirius' initials? **

**Review review review! I absolutely love hearing what all of you think!**


	20. Chapter 20

_**Twenty**_

"Padfoot…Padfoot!"

Sirius grumbled and rolled over, burrowing his head beneath his pillow. He'd been living with the Potters for two weeks now and he had yet to explain his sudden appearance to James. As punishment, James woke him at the crack of dawn every morning and dragged him into the field behind the house for games of Dodge-Bludger and Keep-Away-Quaffle and Snitch.

There was a _reason_ Sirius didn't play Quidditch for Gryffindor. While he was cocky and confident on his own two feet, the second he was in the air he was a floundering mess of limbs like jelly. Not to mention the bloody wind was always whipping his hair into his eyes, making it even harder to dodge the Bludgers James sent flying at him. James was a Chaser for Gryffindor, but he easily could have been a Beater or a Seeker.

"Get up, Sirius." James took hold of his ankle and began pulling him out of bed. Sirius scrambled to hold onto the headboard but was too late and wound up on the floor with a heavy thud, tangled in the duvet.

"Boys!" Mrs Potter called up the stairs, "No wrestling in the house."

"Sorry, Mum!" James apologised. "Are you going to tell me why you're here yet? Or if you're not going to tell me _why_ you're here, at least tell me who you've been writing to. You've never kept secrets from me before."

"That you know of," Sirius muttered darkly, glaring up at James. "I'll tell you why I'm here, though I'm fairly certain you could have figured it out on your own. Walburga and I had a fight. My Uncle Alphard left me some money in his will and Walburga didn't like that very much so we argued and I moved out."

"That's it?" James cried, disappointed. "I was expecting a much juicier story than that."

"Sorry to disappoint." Sirius shrugged. "I just got tired of living there."

"Sorry, mate. Must have been really rubbish for you to want to leave."

Sirius nodded. He couldn't tell James the whole story. James would try to sympathise, but he wouldn't truly understand. James had grown up idolised and loved by his parents, maybe even spoiled. Severus knew how it felt to be rejected by your parents, to feel so completely unloved and alone.

"Evans gets here today, doesn't she?" Sirius groaned, realising why James was so excessively chipper this morning.

"Yes, she does!" James crowed.

"Ugh," Sirius said, climbing up off the floor, "I suppose I'll have to suffer through being a third wheel."

"I could invite Moony for a few days." James offered.

Sirius suspected this would make things even worse, considering Remus' feelings for Lily that James was oblivious about.

"Full moon this week," Sirius said.

"Oh, right. Well, Lily and I won't leave you out."

"Threesomes aren't really my style, Prongs. And neither of you is my type."

James rolled his eyes, "You know that's not what I meant."

"I know. Just give me a hint if you want me to bugger off and leave the two of you alone."

"Thanks, mate."

"What are friends for?" Sirius said, gathering the duvet up and dropping it on the bed.

There was the sound of gravel crunching on the driveway and James practically bolted from the room, "That will be her!" He called over his shoulder.

Sirius didn't rush to follow. There was a letter from Severus hidden under his pillow that he hadn't had time to read yet.

_Sirius,_

_Lily says she's going to be at the Potters' for two weeks. She's going to be keeping an eye on you and distracting her boyfriend from making you play Quidditch. I thought you might appreciate that. I haven't told her anything about why you're there, except that you fell out with your parents. She's too curious for her own good, though, so expect more questions from her._

_Mum nearly burned the house down last week. (Can't say it would have been too much of a loss—you've seen what a dump it is—but I don't really fancy being homeless.) She was cooking something and lit one of the dishtowels on fire from one of the burners on the stove. Luckily Tobias wasn't home and I could use magic to put everything back to rights. But I think I'm going to take over cooking from now on. Otherwise, I'll have to watch her like a hawk every time she goes into the kitchen, but that makes her nervous and I've discovered making her nervous is not a good thing, so cooking it is. Maybe I'll manage to accidentally poison him._

_Tobias has been hanging around a lot recently and things are different. It used to be enough for him to smack me around a little and then he'd just go pass out, but now he starts with me and then goes after Mum. I can't protect her anymore. I've been trying to convince her to run away. I think Lucius would take us in. But she won't. After all he's done, she still thinks she loves that bastard._

_Please don't worry about me. I only told you because I don't want to lie._

_Love, Sev_

_

* * *

_

_Sev,_

_Lily just arrived. I'm gearing up for two weeks as a third wheel. Although two weeks without bloody Quidditch is certainly a welcome thing. James is getting nosy about who I'm writing. Lily will prove a good distraction for him. I know you said to tell him, but I think right now that might just make things worse. We've still got another year of school and if he's angry about it, he won't hesitate to tell everyone._

_I'm really sorry your mum is getting worse and you have to look after her. I wish I could help you. And as much as I hate Lucius, promise me if things get worse, you'll go to him. Put your mum under the Imperius Curse if you have to. I know you know how to do it._

_I should go. James will come looking for me in a minute._

_I love you. Stay safe._

_Sirius_

_

* * *

_

Sirius felt like he was waiting on tenterhooks for every letter from Severus, needing just that small assurance that everything was okay. He wished he could go back to Spinner's End, gather his boyfriend up in his arms and take him away from there. But Severus would never permanently abandon his mother and there was the small problem of where they would go once they left Spinner's End.

James and Lily had ventured into town for the day and Sirius was quite happy to stay behind and watch the skies for any sign of his returning owl. He lay sprawled in the backyard in the sun, pretending to be napping.

"You aren't fooling me, Sirius Black." Mrs Potter sat down in the grass next to him.

"Pardon?"

"I know a heartsick boy when I see one. Not to mention you've been writing letters non-stop since you got here. Who's the lucky boy?" Mrs Potter chuckled at his surprised expression, "James told me. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "His name's Severus Snape. James and I spent the first five years at Hogwarts picking on him."

"I believe I've heard the name before," Mrs Potter said, her expression wry. "Headmaster Dumbledore has written to us after James' various altercations with a Mr. Snape."

"Oh."

"Shall I assume you haven't told James?"

Sirius nodded, "Sev and I have been together on and off since October. He's on the path to become a Death Eater, which is really the biggest complication."

"I see."

"But I'm not really thinking about the Death Eater stuff til I have to. Right now he's at home and his father is an abusive drunk and his last few letters have made me really anxious. I've just got a really bad feeling something's going to happen."

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Mrs Potter said, but Sirius could see the worry behind her eyes.

Jane Potter was a deeply caring person. She had been a better mother to Sirius over the past six years that Walburga had ever been. James had told him once that the Potters had wanted more children, but it just never seemed to work out for them. Sirius could tell she wanted to help, to make this rubbish situation better, but there was really nothing to be done.

"If he needs to, he could come stay here." She offered. "I know he and James aren't friends, but no child deserves to go through that."

"I'll tell him, but he won't leave his mother. He's been protecting her as well as he can for his whole life, practically."

Mrs Potter nodded, "Just tell him, so he knows."

"I will."

"There's something else I want to talk to you about. Professor Dumbledore wrote me when he figured out you were here. Apparently you're supposed to meet with a Healer from St Mungo's."

"Yes." Sirius sighed, "I haven't exactly told James about that either. I have manic depression."

"That's what Dumbledore said. It's not any of my business, of course, but Dumbledore gave me the impression your parents were not very cooperative when it came to your treatment. I don't mind getting you to St Mungo's as frequently as you need to go. You just let me know, all right?"

"Thanks, Mrs Potter."

* * *

_Sev,_

_I just had a chat with James' mum. She says if you need to, you can stay here. I know you wouldn't want to live with James and that Lucius would be your first choice, but she just wanted me to tell you that._

_James and Lily are nauseatingly cute. They're all hand-holdy and whispering in each other's ears and snuggling on the sofa. Promise me you'll give me a good shake if I ever start behaving like such a girl._

_Reg wrote me the other day. He's such a git. He was trying to convince me Walburga is miserable now that I've left and Orion wants me back too. Fat chance. Like he's not enjoying his time being the only son. _

_I miss you. _

_Love, Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_Sirius,_

_ Tell Mrs Potter thanks, I suppose. But you know I won't stay there. The last person I want to know about my life here is James Potter. _

_ I'm sorry you have to witness your best mate slowly becoming a wimp. It was bound to happen sooner or later, once Lily finally agreed to go out with him. _

_ Things here are pretty much the same. My cooking has been a surprising success. I wouldn't go so far as to say I enjoy doing it, but under different circumstances maybe I would. _

_ Mum's manager at Tesco, Herbert, walked her home the other day. Tobias wasn't home, but Herbert was suspicious anyway. I had to lie and say I got in a fight with a boy at the park. The last thing I need is some nosy grocery clerk sticking his nose in and upsetting the delicate balance._

_ Miss you too._

_ Love, Sev_

_

* * *

_

_I think Herbert phoned the police. A police car drives by the house every two hours or so and Mum is acting really strangely. Tobias is passed out right now, but he's going to notice the second he wakes up. I don't think I need to tell you that it won't be good._

_

* * *

_

The icy hand of fear gripped Sirius by the stomach and held tight. He couldn't eat or sleep. He couldn't do anything but wait. Mrs Potter noticed and wrote a letter to Dumbledore, asking him to check up on the situation, but it went unanswered.

Sirius didn't even bother trying to hide his anxiety from James. Lily had returned home, so she couldn't help distract him and Sirius was far too concerned about Severus to wonder what James was thinking.

After two days, he couldn't take it anymore. He made up his mind.

"I'm going to leave in the morning." Sirius told Mrs Potter that night before bed. "I need to know if he's okay."

She nodded, knowing she couldn't stop him.

* * *

The whole Potter household was jolted awake at two o'clock that morning by loud knocking on the front door. Sirius leapt out of bed, knowing without a doubt that it was about Severus.

He ran down the stairs at breakneck speed, Mrs Potter on his heels and James not far behind.

He wrenched open the door to find Dumbledore. Sirius looked at the Headmaster closely. He was wearing Muggle clothes and Sirius felt a hysterical burst of laughter building in his gut at the strange image of the bearded headmaster in khakis and a red jumper. This irrational reaction died in his throat the moment he studied Dumbledore's grave face.

"You need to come with me, Mr Black."

"What's going on?" James asked blearily, squinting at the Headmaster. In his haste, he had forgotten to put his glasses on.

"Something has happened with his family." Dumbledore said. James took this to mean the Blacks, but Sirius knew the ambiguous phrasing meant the Snapes.

"Should I put clothes on?" Sirius asked, indicating his pyjamas.

"I'm afraid there is no time."

"Right. Okay." Sirius shoved his feet into a pair of trainers that were sitting on the front porch. They were James' and a size too big, but he hardly cared about that.

"What's happened?" Sirius asked, as they strode away from the house.

"There is not time to explain." Dumbledore said, gripping Sirius elbow. "We need to get there _now_."

Dumbledore turned on the spot and after an uncomfortable moment of compression and nothingness, they arrived at Spinner's End. Sirens were wailing and lights were flashing and Sirius was disoriented; he'd been expecting the empty, quiet street from his last visit here. Panic and fear bubbled in his stomach and he stood riveted to the spot amidst the chaos.

* * *

**A/N: I know what happens next and I'm on edge, so I can only imagine how you all are feeling. **

**Reviews are hugely appreciated and you will be rewarded with hints. **


	21. Chapter 21

_**Twenty-One**_

"I'm going to do something that would normally anger the Ministry, but this is already such a mess that I think it's the only thing to be done." Dumbledore said, taking out his wand. He waved it and muttered an incantation and the flurries of activity surrounding the house, the flashing lights and the sirens froze. It was as if they'd stepped into the middle of a photograph.

"Go." Dumbledore pushed Sirius in the direction of the house. Sirius sprang into action then, adrenalin coursing through his veins. He ran up the pavement to the house and shouldered open the front door.

The house was eerily quiet, whether from Dumbledore's spell or something else, Sirius couldn't be sure. A heavy burnt smell he didn't recognise hung in the air. He wondered briefly if there had been another fire, before disregarding this idea. Dumbledore wouldn't have come to get him for something as minor as that.

"Severus?" He called, and his heart began to pound loudly in his ears when he didn't hear any response. "Sev? It's me."

He took the stairs two at a time and hurtled into Severus' bedroom door. He'd been expecting it to open easily and it did not. He stumbled backwards a few steps. "Sev?"

There was a faint whimpering and a shuffling noise so quiet Sirius wondered whether he'd heard it at all. He pushed on the door again, ready for the weight this time, and there was a groaning noise as something heavy scraped across the floor. He scrambled through the opening.

"Sev?"

He was answered with another whimper and his eyes scanned the dim room. Severus was curled up in the corner. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and his face buried against them. He was shaking and he whimpered again.

"Sev," Sirius crossed the room quickly. He dropped down on the floor next to him and reached out to touch his hand. Severus flinched away.

"Sev, it's me. It's Sirius. Look at me, please."

Severus folded even tighter on himself.

"Severus, please." Sirius whispered. He stroked the back of Severus' hand lightly with his fingertips.

After what felt like eons of gently stroking his hand and whispering his name, Severus lifted his face and looked at Sirius. His face was tearstained and there were two steadily darkening bruises, one on his right cheekbone and the other over his left eye.

"Sirius?" Severus whimpered.

"It's me," Sirius said softly.

Severus flung himself into Sirius arms. "Take me home," he said, his voice muffled.

"Where's home?" Sirius asked. It obviously wasn't Spinner's End, but he was willing to take Severus anywhere he needed to go.

"You." Severus said quietly. "Hogwarts."

"Okay."

He looked up and was startled to see Dumbledore in the doorway. "We need to leave before the Ministry arrives."

"He wants to go to Hogwarts."

"I heard." Dumbledore tapped Severus' trunk with his wand and put it into his pocket. "I need something to turn into a portkey for the two of you." Sirius kicked off one of the too-big trainers. Dumbledore muttered a spell and the shoe glowed blue. "That will take you directly into my office. Do what you can tonight. There's only so long I'll be able to keep the Ministry away from him."

Dumbledore passed the shoe back to them and each of them touched a finger to the shoe before it glowed blue. Sirius felt the disorienting hook behind his navel and shuddered as they hurtled through space. They landed with a thud on the office floor.

"Room of Requirement?" Sirius asked and Severus nodded into his chest. He half-carried, half-led Severus down the stairs and through the corridors until they were in front of the familiar stretch of wall.

They stumbled together into the dark room. Sirius dropped onto the sofa and pulled Severus into his arms.

"I know Dumbledore wants me to try to get you to tell me what happened, but you don't have to say anything."

Severus nodded and clung tightly to Sirius. "Don't want to."

"Okay."

Sirius held Severus gently, watching as the sky steadily brightened as the sun rose over the horizon. At some point Severus fell asleep against him, his breathing slow and deep. His body did not relax, though, and Sirius wondered if he was dreaming about whatever had happened.

* * *

_It was like déjà vu. He'd been here before, watched the same police car pass by the front window, and heard Tobias on the stairs. He whirled around. The police car was still idling and of course Tobias saw it._

_ Maybe his expression was guilty for something he hadn't done; maybe Tobias was just going to lash out at the closest thing. Either way, the first blow sent him reeling. _

_ "Did you call the police, Sevvie?" Tobias' voice was taunting. "Did the little boy get scared?"_

_ "No," Severus snarled. "You don't scare me."_

_ It was a lie and they both knew it and Tobias' fist flew again to prove it._

_ "The police aren't going to help you, freak."_

_ This was the truth. The police car was no longer idling outside the house; there was no one to stop Tobias. There was no one to help. There never was._

_ Tobias stepped closer to Severus, backing him further into the corner of the front room. Severus began to feel the familiar panic as Tobias approached, looming over him, the walls closing in him. Tobias lifted him by the front of his shirt and slammed him into the wall. The whole house seemed to shake on its foundation._

_ "Get your hands off my son."_

_ Both Tobias and Severus froze in surprise. Neither of them had ever heard Eileen speak with such force. Her expression was murderous, her hands on her hips and her long-suppressed magic crackling the air around her. Severus knew without looking that this new Eileen terrified Tobias. It was even more apparent when he did as she asked. He released his hold on Severus' shirt and he went sprawling onto the floor._

_ "Severus, go upstairs. Do not come down here unless I come get you, understand?" Eileen said, her tone and her expression leaving no room for argument._

_ Severus bolted, his fight or flight response set firmly on flight. He had no other instincts beside survival at that moment. He flung himself into his bedroom and wrenched open his nightstand drawer, grabbing his wand. He tapped his trunk until it was twice its normal size and twice as heavy. He pushed it in front of the door and sank into the corner furthest from it when the shouting started._

_ "YOU WON'T TOUCH MY SON AGAIN!"_

_ "YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP ME! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FREAK AND A WEAKLING! JUST LIKE HIM."_

_ "I'M STRONGER THAN YOU ARE, TOBIAS."_

_ Severus heard several crashes and the tinkling of breaking glass. Maybe the window? He placed his hands over his ears, hoping to block out the shouting, but it didn't work._

_ Their fight escalated, Eileen screaming hexes and curses like a banshee. The house was shaking with the sudden release of sixteen years' worth of pent-up magic. Her magic was wild and uncontrolled without a wand to channel it though._

_ Severus should have expected, should have known it was coming, but the explosion startled him anyway. He thought it was going to bring the house down and it seemed to last for hours. Suddenly, everything was silent and Severus was afraid to move, afraid to leave his room. Something had just gone horribly, terribly, badly wrong and he was safe if he stayed upstairs, hidden and maybe even forgotten. He would make himself invisible again. He would stay invisible as long as he needed to._

Severus jerked awake. He expected to be huddled on the floor in his bedroom and was disoriented when he opened his eyes to see Sirius.

"You shouldn't be here. You have to go. He'll hurt you."

Sirius wrapped his arms around Severus, "Sssh. It's okay. We're safe. We're home."

Severus frowned and looked around. "Hogwarts?"

Sirius nodded. "Dumbledore and I came for you last night. Do you remember?"

It was fuzzy and indistinct, but Severus thought he had a vague memory of Sirius whispering to him in that dark bedroom. "Maybe."

He didn't want to commit to remembering anything. If he remembered, that meant it had happened and if it had happened, nothing would ever be the same again and he would have to _talk_ about it.

"You're not hurt, are you?" Sirius asked, his expression tense and worried.

"No more than usual." Severus said flatly. He felt himself going numb and shutting down. Was this his mother's defence mechanism? Had she spent all of her life slipping off into a world inside her own head because it was safer there? It certainly felt safer, not being fully aware.

Sirius could see Severus withdrawing slowly and he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop it. There were questions he should be asking, surely, but he needed to know what happened in order to ask the right ones and it was as plain as day that Severus wasn't going to tell him anything. Then again, maybe Severus _couldn't_ tell him anything. Maybe he'd withdrawn into this empty shell of himself the whole time.

"Severus," Sirius said, and the eyes that flicked up to look at him were flat and expressionless. "What can I do right now? I don't think I'm helping you and I don't know how to help if you don't tell me what you need."

"Alone." Severus said, "I need to be alone."

Sirius flinched as if Severus had hit him, but he disentangled himself from his boyfriend and rose from the couch. "Okay. I'll be just outside the door if you change your mind."

Severus gave no indication that he'd heard. Sirius left the room reluctantly and sat on the cold stone floor of the corridor, wishing there was something he could do. He felt utterly helpless.

* * *

Sirius jumped, startled, when he heard his name being called down the corridor. He looked up to see Dumbledore striding towards him, in robes again.

"Where is Mr Snape?" Dumbledore frowned.

"He needed to be alone."

"Has he said anything else?"

"I've only been able to determine that he's not hurt. And that he doesn't remember us being there last night. I'm not entirely sure if he remembers anything from last night, actually."

"I would not be surprised if that's the case. It would have been traumatic for him."

"Do you know what happened then?" Sirius asked sharply.

"The Unspeakables from the Department of Mysteries were able to determine what they believe happened. Obviously we won't know for sure without Severus' input and even then we may never know."

"Does that mean…they're dead then? Severus' parents?"

"I think, Mr Black, that I will tell you everything and leave it up to you to break the news to Mr Snape. It will need to come from a friend."

Sirius nodded, bracing himself for what Dumbledore had to say.

"From examining the house, the Unspeakables determined that the fight began in the front room. Presumably it was between Severus and Tobias. Eileen walked in on it and demanded that Tobias stop—the neighbours heard her shouting this."

"Shouting?" Sirius frowned. That didn't sound like the Eileen that Severus talked about in his letters.

"It was quite a loud argument. The neighbours called the police when they heard what they thought were gunshots. They were actually curses that Eileen firing at Tobias."

"She didn't have a wand. Severus said she couldn't do magic anymore."

"She had been suppressing her magic for years in an effort to keep Tobias' anger at bay, I think. It is clear from the extent of the damage to the house that Eileen did not have a wand. Her magic was uncontrolled and her accuracy was not very good. Because she had been suppressing her magic for so long, it all surged out of her at once, creating an explosion of sorts. The blast killed Tobias."

Sirius could not say he was sorry to hear the bastard was dead. "And Eileen?"

"She has been taken to St Mungo's."

"Will she be all right?"

"Physically yes, she'll be fine. Mentally however…last night's incident on top of the past seventeen years of abuse has broken her mind. She has been placed in the Janus Thickey ward. It is for people whose brains have been permanently affected by magic. She does not remember anything that happened last night and when the Healers in St Mungo's questioned her to gauge the extent of her memory loss, she said she was sixteen years old and looking forward to starting her seventh year at Hogwarts in September."

Sirius' heart dropped into his stomach, "She won't remember Severus."

"I'm afraid not." Dumbledore's eyes were sad. "Lucius Malfoy contacted me this morning. He heard about the incident from one of his many Ministry connections. He wants to take Severus in."

"Severus is seventeen. He doesn't need a guardian."

"Lucius cares for him like a brother." Dumbledore said gently. "Obviously it is up to Severus, but it is not as if he has anywhere else to go."

"That's not true." Sirius snapped. "He can stay with me."

"If that is the case, then it is still up to Severus." Dumbledore sighed, "I have more things to iron out with the Ministry. If you or Severus needs me, the password for my office is Bertie Bott's."

Sirius watched the Headmaster stride away and wondered how he was going to tell Severus all of this. It would likely be the hardest conversation of his life.

* * *

Lucius paced the corridor outside Narcissa's sitting room. He needed to speak to his wife. He needed to find a way to fix everything that had happened, because he had seen their future this morning and he would not let what happened to the Snapes happen to them. Whatever she asked, he would do. He would spend the rest of his life worshipping Narcissa like the angel she was if it made up for even a smidgeon of what he'd done to her.

He was startled when she yanked the door open. "You've been hitting the same creaky floorboard every two seconds."

Her face was paler than usual, he thought, and she looked a little bit ill.

"Either come in or go away," she said coolly, "Don't just stand there."

Lucius followed her into the sitting room and sat on the sofa opposite her.

"I have just spoken to Albus Dumbledore. There was an…accident of sorts last night at Spinner's End."

"Is Severus all right?" Narcissa asked sharply.

"He is not injured. Dumbledore has not yet been able to assess his emotional state."

"What happened?"

Lucius' face hardened, "Severus' worthless drunk of a father has apparently been abusing him for at least ten years, maybe longer. Last night, Eileen snapped. All of her magic surged out of her body and killed Tobias. She has been rendered insane."

Narcissa, if possible, went even paler. "Where is Severus now?"

"At Hogwarts. We can go get him and bring him here tomorrow."

Narcissa's head bobbed on her delicate neck in an affirmative nod.

"Narcissa…I need to explain myself. I need to apologise. I want to fix this. I don't want us to be like the Snapes twenty years from now."

"What you did is not something that can be explained away, Lucius."

"Has anyone ever taught you about the old rites?"

Narcissa frowned at this sudden change of topic. "No."

"There is a book in the library that explains them far better than I can, but you need to understand what happened that night versus what could have happened."

"Lucius!" Narcissa said sharply, "You aren't listening to me. I don't want to talk about this. I don't care what you have to say. You can't _fix_ this. I will never be able to forget what you did."

"I'm not asking you to." Lucius insisted. "I only—

"I'm pregnant." She whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "How do you expect to fix anything when I have a daily reminder of what happened?"

He had always expected to be overjoyed with news such as this. But instead he felt ill. "Narcissa, I'm so sor—

"Lucius, don't." Narcissa said coldly. "Leave me alone. Please."

Lucius rose from the sofa and crossed the room. He hesitated in the doorway. "I will find a way to fix this," he promised.

Narcissa watched him go, wondering how long it would take him to realise their marriage was broken irreparably.

* * *

Severus woke again in the middle of the afternoon and everything from the night before came flooding back to him. He felt as if there was a weight against his chest, making it impossible to breathe. Every molecule in his body cried out for Sirius but he was not close by.

And yet, mysteriously, he appeared. He barrelled into the room and wrapped his arms around Severus.

"How did you know?" Severus whispered.

"You're in the Room of Requirement." Sirius reminded him. "You needed me, here I am."

"I remember everything." Severus said and he clung tighter to Sirius. "The police car, the fighting, Mum, the explosion, you…I just woke up and remembered."

Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of Severus' head, "Everything will be okay."

"You know what happened." Severus said.

"Yeah. Dumbledore told me. The Ministry figured it out."

"They're dead, aren't they?"

"Your mum lost control of her magic. That was the explosion. It killed Tobias."

Severus had expected to feel…relieved, knowing his father was dead. Instead, an intense wave of grief hit him unexpectedly.

"And Mum?" He whispered.

"She's in St Mungo's. In the Janus Thickey ward."

"What does that mean? Is she okay?"

"She's going to live. But…she's sort of…broken. She doesn't remember anything."

"Anything?"

"She thinks she's sixteen." Sirius said gently.

Severus inhaled sharply. There were tears running down his face before he even realised he was crying and his body shook with sobs. Sirius held him tighter and stroked his back.

"I thought I hated him." Severus choked out. "But I didn't want him to die. I wanted him to_ change_. I thought he could. He did before."

Sirius didn't think there was anything he could say to make this better. He had thought the conversation would be hard but the aftermath was worse. He did the only thing he could do. He held Severus in his arms and sent up a prayer to whatever higher power might be listening that everything would be okay, as he had promised it would.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are always appreciated. **


	22. Chapter 22

_**Twenty-Two**_

Severus didn't know how long they sat in the Room of Requirement, Sirius holding him gently and comforting him in a way he hadn't even realised he needed. Time was insignificant when your world was crumbling around you.

"Mum's going to be in St Mungo's permanently, isn't she?" He whispered into the silence.

"Yes," Sirius said sadly.

"Maybe it's better this way. At least she doesn't remember how horrible the past seventeen years were. And they'll look after her there."

Sirius nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of Severus' head. "It will be okay."

He felt like a broken record, saying this over and over again, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that he's talked to Lucius."

Severus lifted his head from Sirius' shoulder, surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. Lucius wants you to take you in. Dumbledore seems to think it's your only option," Sirius said darkly.

"Well…isn't it?" Severus frowned. "It's not like I want to go back to Spinner's End."

"I told you, you can come stay with me."

"And I told you, I'm not going to live with James Potter."

They glared at each other for a moment before Sirius dropped his eyes. "It wouldn't be so bad, living with James." He said cautiously. "He's not as much of a prat as he used to be."

"Sirius, I'm already dreading the thought of moving in with Lucius, so moving in with the Potters is not an option."

"Why? You and Lucius are like brothers."

"He's going to want to _talk_ about this."

"So come live with me, then. James won't ask any questions."

Severus dragged his hand through his hair in frustration. "You don't understand!"

"Then explain it to me."

"Lucius didn't know about Tobias. I hardly want James Potter knowing something that I haven't told my brother." Severus looked at Sirius defiantly. "You were the only one I ever told. You're the only one who knows the whole truth."

"I just assumed Lucius knew."

Sirius knew immediately he'd said the wrong thing from the way Severus' expression shifted from mildly annoyed with Sirius' ignorance to murderous over his assumption. "Why would you assume that? Is Lucius such a bastard that he'd know about Tobias beating the shit out of me every summer and just leave me there? I didn't tell Lucius because I knew what would happen. He would have killed Tobias and then I wouldn't have _anyone_."

"You have me." Sirius said, hurt.

Severus didn't answer. Instead, he wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius and clung to him.

"I'm sorry…for saying that about Lucius," Sirius said softly. "If you want to live with him, I'm not going to get in the way."

Severus nodded. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"Okay," Sirius said. "What do you need?"

"Just this."

* * *

"Would you like to accompany me to Hogwarts today to pick up Severus?" Lucius asked his wife across the expanse of the dining room table.

She did not look up from her breakfast, "No."

"I'm certain he would be happy to see you."

"And so he shall, when he gets here."

"Narcissa—

"Don't, Lucius. Please." She looked up to glare at him, and he decided it was in his best interests to do as she asked. He did not expect reconciliation in a day (if it even happened at all).

They finished their meal in silence, before Narcissa retreated to her sitting room and Lucius to his study. If he had not been so preoccupied, he would have heard his wife walk past his study on her way to the library. As it stood, however, Lucius was far too worried about Severus to pay attention to noises in the corridor.

He watched as the hands on the clock crept slowly towards twelve; Dumbledore had insisted he could not pick Severus up a moment sooner than that. Bloody meddler. If he'd taken the time to speak to Lucius before talking to the Ministry, Lucius could have called in enough favours to get Severus out of this mess in half the time.

Lucius paced his study impatiently, torn between irritation with Dumbledore for obvious reasons, anger with Severus for never telling him about Tobias and the need to make sure Severus was okay. He had always felt deeply protective of the boy, since they had met in Severus' first year. He was not exactly known for being a warm or sympathetic person, but Severus had been scrawny and underfed and defenceless and Lucius could not help but take him under his wing. Though they had only been at Hogwarts together for a year before Lucius finished school, they had remained close.

Although clearly not as close as Lucius had originally believed.

* * *

Sirius watched, frustrated, as Severus reorganised the contents of his trunk until it was obsessively neat. Now that he was leaving to stay with the Malfoys and Sirius was returning to the Potters (ready with the lie that Reg had been ill and in St Mungo's but had made a quick recovery), a heavy silence had fallen between them.

Sirius stepped up behind Severus and slid his arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. Severus relaxed against him for a moment, before he pulled away and turned around to face Sirius.

"I know you're not very pleased with me going to live with Lucius."

Sirius shook his head. "I just want you to be safe."

"I will be."

Sirius nodded and pulled Severus into a hug. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

They stood, arms wrapped around one another in the Room of Requirement for a long time. Sirius wanted to say something, anything to make this better, but he knew that there was nothing he could say. Severus needed time to heal, and as much as he loathed the idea, he knew that Lucius Malfoy would look after him.

"Sirius," Severus said softly, his face buried in Sirius' chest.

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

Sirius tightened his hold on Severus, "Of course. Love you."

"Love you too." Severus lifted his face too look at Sirius, "Let's hope the second half of the summer isn't anywhere near as eventful as the first," he joked weakly.

Sirius' lips turned up in a half smile, "I'll be perfectly happy with a boring summer from this point forward."

* * *

Lucius was waiting for Severus in Dumbledore's office. The two men were not speaking to one another when the dark-haired boy entered. Lucius visibly tensed when he saw the bruises on Severus' face.

"Hello, Lucius," Severus ventured cautiously.

"Severus," Lucius reached out and placed his hand on Severus' shoulder, a surprisingly affectionate gesture considering the Headmaster was watching. "Let's go home."

Severus nodded, grateful Lucius did not want to talk with Dumbledore present. Then again, Lucius was hardly one to air his private affairs in front of his closest friends, let alone a man he disliked as much as Dumbledore.

"Good luck, Mr Snape," Dumbledore said, his expression unreadable. "I shall see you in September."

"Thank you, sir." Severus said, before following Lucius to the Floo.

* * *

Narcissa heard Severus and Lucius arrive and she set aside her reading material. She jumped to her feet and rushed out of her sitting room and towards Lucius' study. Hovering in the doorway, she watched, rather surprised, as Lucius pulled the teenage boy into a hug. She had never seen her husband behave affectionately with anyone, and she'd been beginning to think he did not possess the ability. Lucius glanced up at her over Severus' head and his cheeks flushed, as if she'd caught him doing something wrong.

She felt a softening in her resolve to hate him forever, before she slammed the door shut on that feeling. His actions toward Severus did not change the way he had treated her.

Severus pulled out of the hug and Narcissa stepped into the room. She crossed to the younger boy and hugged him too.

Rather uncomfortable with so much affection in one day, Severus pulled gently away from Narcissa too.

Her face creased with concern when she saw his bruises, "Let me go get something to put on those," she said, but Lucius stopped her, putting his fingers on her shoulder for a moment before pulling his hand back quickly.

"I realise that you are of age and do not need a guardian any longer, but you are always welcome here," Lucius said quietly to Severus.

"Thank you," Severus said, staring at his feet.

"Why don't you go get settled into your bedroom, Severus?" Narcissa suggested. "I'll send one of the house elves up with a salve for your bruises."

Severus looked grateful for the chance to escape Lucius' study and practically sprinted from the room.

"I wanted to speak to him," Lucius protested feebly.

"There will be plenty of time for that," Narcissa said. "He'll speak to you when he is ready."

"What about you?" Lucius frowned.

"This is not about me." She sighed and shook her head, "But I suppose the same is true. I am not yet ready to talk to you, but I might be eventually."

"Thank you, Narcissa." Lucius said, "That is all I ask."

* * *

Severus unpacked slowly. The house elf that brought the bruise salve had tried to help, but he'd insisted on doing it himself. The room would only feel like his if he put everything where he wanted it to be on his own. Even then, he wondered if he would ever feel like more than a guest in Malfoy Manor. Of course, it was rather early to be thinking such things; he'd only been there fifteen minutes. But those fifteen minutes had been plenty of time to recognise that all was not right between Lucius and Narcissa. The blonde couple did not meet each other's eyes and when Lucius had touched her, she had flinched and he had pulled his hand back so quickly, it was as if he'd been burned. Not to mention Narcissa was not the resplendent bride he remembered from Christmas. She was pale and there were the dark smudges of sleeplessness beneath her eyes. And yet, she did not look ill, exactly. Her face was rounder, her body softer and less bony. He wondered for a moment if she were pregnant, but brushed the thought aside. Lucius would have told him. He would have been over the moon in the anticipation of an heir.

Severus put his neatly folded clothes into the chest of drawers: underwear and socks in the top drawer, then t-shirts, then jeans, then jumpers and the bottom drawer devoted entirely to the clothes he'd stolen from Sirius. It was a little unsettling to realise it was the fullest of all of them. Then again, he rather suspected Sirius had stolen quite a few of his clothes too. He hung his school uniforms and robes in the closet before moving to the en suite bathroom and dropping his toothbrush into the holder next to the sink and putting his shampoo on the shelf in the shower. He looked at the cheap plastic bottle, sitting next to the nicer shampoos, conditioners, soaps and lotions that the Malfoys kept stocked in every bathroom in the manor and decided to bung the Muggle shampoo into the rubbish bin. No great loss there.

Despite having stayed here numerous times over the past six and a half years, he felt strangely out of place now that he was supposed to consider the manor his home. He had only ever considered Hogwarts home, but that was highly inconvenient, considering this would be his last year at Hogwarts. He _wanted_ to feel at home here, with Lucius and Narcissa, but he couldn't help but feel he had arrived at an inopportune moment. Then again, from the way things looked between the Malfoys, it was quite possible any moment he arrived would have been inopportune.

He stretched out on the double bed, relaxing into the perfectly firm mattress and staring at the canopy over the bed. The pull of sleep was inviting, but he was not quite ready to visit his nightmares again. He was saved by a timid knock on his door. It would have to be Narcissa. Lucius' knock was three sharp raps.

He sat on the edge of the bed as Narcissa peeked her head inside, "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Severus nodded.

"I was going to ask if you needed any help unpacking, but it seems you've managed."

Severus nodded again, "I didn't have very much."

"We intend to remedy that. Lucius is going to attempt to spoil you to make up for the fact that he didn't know about your father."

"He shouldn't do that." Severus insisted, his stomach twisting at the thought. "He didn't know because I didn't tell him."

"He's going to feel guilty regardless."

Severus could not think of an appropriate response to this and decided to steer the subject away from his father. "I've been talking about myself for days and I'm rather bored with hearing my own voice," he said with a weak smile. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said, but they both knew it was a lie.

"You can tell me the truth," Severus said gently.

Narcissa eased the door shut. All of the rooms in the manor had silencing and privacy charms on them, but they activated only when the doors were closed.

"I'm sure you noticed…things are not very good between me and Lucius right now."

"Did he do something?"

"Yes…well, I'm beginning to realise we both did."

Severus frowned, "If he treated you badly, it's not your fault."

"No, I realise that Lucius' needs to take responsibility for his actions, but my own behaviour was foolish and a stubborn, childish outburst on my part nearly got both of us into a world of trouble involving some nasty old magic that shouldn't be trifled with." Narcissa sighed, "I am not explaining myself properly, but I think I might leave the situation to Lucius to explain, as I still believe his actions were an almost unforgivable overreaction."

"Fair enough." Severus did not want or need a play-by-play of the Malfoys' marriage anyway. There was no doubt in his mind that the situation was almost entirely Lucius' fault, and he hardly wanted to get in the middle. "Are you well, though? You look a little ill."

"I expect that might be the morning sickness. I'm pregnant."

Severus smiled, ready to congratulate her, but he changed his mind at the anxious expression on her face. "You're not happy about it," he guessed.

"No." Narcissa's eyes filled with tears. "I hardly think this is the right time to bring a baby into this marriage."

Severus did not know what to do with crying women. He patted Narcissa's shoulder awkwardly, but she regained her composure in true Pureblood fashion quite quickly. He would have fished in his pockets for a handkerchief to give her if there was even remotely a chance of finding one, but he knew there was no such chance.

"Let's not talk about it right now," she said, sniffling a little. "How's Sirius?"

"He hasn't had the best summer either. I expect you heard about Alphard."

"I was at the funeral. Bella told me what happened with the will. How did he take the news?" Narcissa perched on the edge of the bed, next to Severus.

"He drove up from London on a motorbike to see me after he found out. He's moved out and is living with the Potters. He's still angry at being lied to."

"Understandably so. Is that the last time you saw him then?"

"No. Dumbledore brought him the night of the…the night it happened. He's been at Hogwarts with me the past few days."

Narcissa's lips quirked up into a half-smile. "That explains why Dumbledore was so adamant that Lucius could not come get you until today."

Severus nodded. "We've been writing pretty frequently. Is it okay for me to keep doing that?"

"Of course. You needn't ask. You can use my owl—the snowy one, not one of the eagle owls; she'll even deliver letters right to your bedroom if you ask her to—and that way Lucius won't notice a thing."

"Thank you," Severus said. Not having to hide his relationship with Sirius from Narcissa was a relief. He trusted her with the knowledge much more than he would have trusted Lucius. Severus knew, deep down, that although Lucius cared for him like a brother, his sexuality and his relationship with Sirius would drive a rift between them. He doubted he would ever be able to tell Lucius the truth, especially with Voldemort slowly gaining more and more power. Severus did not want to put Lucius in the dangerous situation of having to choose between the Dark Lord and him. Lucius had officially sworn his loyalty to the Dark Lord and Severus suspected that abandoning the cause now would have dire consequences for both of them.

"Severus?" Narcissa frowned slightly in concern and he blinked a few times, coming out of his reverie. "You were far away for a moment there."

"I suppose I'm a bit tired. I haven't been sleeping well."

"I'll leave you to get some rest, then." She patted his knee affectionately. "I realise you've had a difficult week and I really can't comprehend what you must be going through, but if you ever need to talk, both Lucius and I are always here."

He nodded and thanked her again. She left the room, closing the door gently behind her. Severus stretched out on the bed again and exhaustion claimed him before he'd even crawled beneath the green duvet.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this one. I meant to have it up during the middle of last week, but writer's block and real life took their toll. **

**I've been toying with the idea with bumping the rating up to an M, what with all the violence we've had already and some of the other things I have planned for future chapters. I'd love some feedback on whether or not you think the violence I've written so far warrants an M rating or if I'm still safe at T. **

**Thank you to all my lovely reviewers and all the people out there adding me to alert and favourite lists. **

**I love hearing what all of you have to say, and as most of you know by now, I reward reviews with HINTS! (Yet another shameless plea from me…=D)**


	23. Chapter 23

_**Twenty-Three**_

Severus woke to darkness, disorientated. Half awake, he reached for Sirius before remembering he was at Malfoy Manor. He rolled out of bed and walked to the window. The sky was slowly changing from navy to a paler blue, so Severus suspected dawn was not very far off. The household would be asleep for several hours still, so he walked quietly through the corridors, avoiding creaky floorboards as best he could.

The library, with its floor to ceiling windows, was filling steadily with light as the sun climbed slowly over the horizon. Severus wandered aimlessly, not looking for anything in particular. He climbed the ladder onto the loft where he and Sirius had had sex for the first time. He grinned briefly, allowing himself the luxury of remembering every last detail of that evening. He had always had an excellent memory, and he was exceptionally detail-oriented. He supposed it was a good thing he wanted to go into Potions, since he'd been born with half of the necessary skill set.

Time slipped away from him as it so frequently did recently. The sun was glaring brightly through the tall windows when Severus climbed down from the loft and set out to find Lucius. He knew the man wanted to talk to him and he supposed there was no sense in delaying the inevitable.

Despite the time, he found Lucius in his study, sitting behind his desk. Severus momentarily wondered what exactly Lucius _did_ at his desk, considering he did not have a job, but he pushed the thought aside. It was not important.

"Severus," Lucius looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Even Severus, who knew him better than anyone, could not tell what he was thinking. "You're up early."

"As are you," Severus pointed out.

"I have not been sleeping much recently." Lucius said, without offering further explanations.

"I suppose you want to talk about what happened." Severus said, dropping into one of the leather armchairs. Lucius stood and walked around the desk, sitting in the chair opposite Severus.

"Only if you wish to. If you are not ready—

"I'm here, aren't I?" Severus barked. He wanted Lucius to behave like himself, not this strange, cautious man that Severus didn't know.

"Why didn't you tell me, Severus?" Lucius' icy grey eyes bored into Severus' darker ones. "I could have…done something."

"That's exactly _why _I didn't tell you," Severus said, already frustrated with the conversation. Lucius had _taught_ Severus how to be a Slytherin and a man. Surely he already understood Severus' motives. "If you had done something, you would have been sent to Azkaban."

"I would not have killed him." Lucius insisted, not entirely sure if this was the truth.

"It doesn't matter, Lucius. He was a _Muggle._ You know how the Wizengamot deals with attacks on Muggles. The last thing I needed was for my only ally to disappear," Severus scowled.

"Well, why didn't _you_ do something then? You're seventeen, you aren't a coward and it would have been self-defence."

Severus was not going to try and explain that where Tobias was concerned, he had been a coward. Instead, he said, "I did not trust myself. It would not have been self-defence."

As he said it, he knew it was a lie. The telltale signs were there: the thick feeling in the back of his throat, the stinging behind his eyes, the few good memories he had of Tobias flashing into his mind. He had loved the bastard, he had been convinced he could change and he would have never attacked him and taken the opportunity for change away.

Lucius did not say anything as he watched Severus struggle with his composure. The boy had been through so much the past few days, it was well within his rights to be emotional.

"Do you have any other injuries that need tending?"

"No." It wasn't exactly a lie. Of course he had other injuries—his entire body was littered with bruises of varying ages—but they didn't need tending. They would heal on their own.

"Severus…you're a perceptive young man. I expect you've noticed things are not as they were between Narcissa and myself."

"Of course I noticed, but honestly, Lucius, I don't need a reason to hate you. I don't want to know what you did to her. I just want you to promise you'll try to fix it, especially since she's having a baby. It's not fair for children to grow up the way I have." Severus felt his anger building.

Lucius seemed rather stunned by this pronouncement from Severus, but he nodded and didn't say anything more. Severus got to his feet and left Lucius' study without another word, not trusting himself to speak.

* * *

_Dear Sirius,_

_I'm okay here. Things are strained between Lucius and Narcissa at the moment, but at least they aren't fighting. All they do is avoid each other. Hope Potter's not driving you too crazy with the all Quidditch and the moping over Lily._

_I miss you._

_Severus_

_

* * *

_

Narcissa sat in her sitting room, the old, leather-bound book resting heavily in her lap. She had read it cover-to-cover three times now, and it was only just starting to make sense. She was certain every Pureblood family had a copy of this book in their libraries and Narcissa was mystified about why it was only ever hinted at, never explained properly. She would have never dared dabble in such disastrous magic had she understood the consequences.

She wanted to discuss this with _someone_. Her mother, one of her sisters, one of the many Black cousins, but she couldn't. Asking about it would mean admitting what she'd done and telling them what had happened. She had no doubt that her mother and Bella would be appalled at her behaviour and would take Lucius' side.

Narcissa buried her face in her hands. She wasn't even sure if there _were_ sides anymore, or if it was just an impossible situation where there was no winner and no loser, just the pair of them, trapped and miserable. She pushed the book off her lap and it slid to the floor with a heavy thud.

She didn't know how to reconcile what Lucius did with what could have happened. She had spent months hating her husband for what he'd done, but according to that bloody book, he'd technically saved them from a fate much worse.

She could not bear this knowledge on her own any longer. She needed to speak to someone. She was not about to burden Severus with this information—he had survived more than enough the past few days. And she hardly wanted to bring her mother or her sister into this. Which, unfortunately, left her with only one option.

The door to Lucius' study was sitting partially open and Narcissa knocked once lightly on the doorframe before stepping into the room.

Lucius looked startled and then hopeful at her appearance, and Narcissa wondered whether this was good idea. She supposed it was too late, as he was standing and ushering her into the room, closing the door behind her. He settled in one of the armchairs and she took the opposite one.

"I've been reading the book on the old rites," she explained. "Some of it is positively ghastly, isn't it?"

"Yes," Lucius agreed. "Most of it, actually."

Narcissa stared down at her lap, running her fingertip over a tiny wrinkle in her robes by her knee. "I don't understand…why didn't anyone ever _explain_ to me what could happen? I've spent my entire life being pampered and babied and treated like a porcelain doll and none of this would have ever happened if someone had just told me how terrible the old rites are and how risky it is to get involved with them. I'm not saying I can forget what you did, but I think I understand now why you might react that way."

"If I had known you were completely ignorant of the consequences of your threat, I can promise I would have reacted differently." Lucius said. It wasn't exactly an apology, but Narcissa had insisted she was not interested in apologies. It was the truth though. If he had realised she didn't know that refusing to bear his heirs and cutting herself off from him would lead to a particularly slow, miserable death for both of them, then he would have sat her down and clarified _everything_. He had just assumed Bellatrix would have explained it to her, considering Mrs Lestrange delighted in telling such tales.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Lucius asked, startled out of his reverie.

"Why do the rites even exist?" Narcissa's face was creased in worry; perhaps she was finally questioning the sort of world she'd been born in, raised in and married into.

"Oh. Because Pureblood marriages used to be quite a bit more brutal than they are now. Brides stolen from their families, forced into marriage as soon as they could bear children…that sort of thing."

"How do you know this?" Narcissa wondered if there was some special class at Hogwarts that the Pureblood boys took and the girls were completely ignorant of.

"My father sat me down and explained it all to me." Lucius shrugged. "It's considered tradition for a father to explain the Pureblood history to his sons."

"And not his daughters?" Narcissa scowled. "What about my mother? Why didn't she ever tell me?"

"Because your mother is a Gorgon with absolutely no sense of sympathy."

Against her will, Narcissa felt a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. But then she scowled, "If we ever have a daughter, she will not be ignorant. You will tell her the same things you would tell a son."

Lucius looked uncomfortable at this break with his precious tradition, but this seemed like the beginnings of reconciliation between himself and his wife, and he wasn't about to risk it. Besides, he didn't believe he would ever father a daughter anyway. Malfoys always had sons. "You have my word."

Narcissa nodded once and an awkward silence fell. They stared at each other across Lucius' study, each searching for the right thing to say.

"Narcissa…please…can I say how incredibly sorry I am?"

She lifted her chin stubbornly. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because it isn't anything but words. And words are not nearly enough to fix all the damage you've done." She frowned slightly, "Or…we've done, I suppose."

It was a small concession, but an important one. She was admitting that she was at fault—not equally, but at least partially.

"Well…can I make it up to you some other way?" Lucius asked hopefully.

"You can try." Narcissa allowed.

Another silence, while Lucius pondered whether his wife was justified in her somewhat patronising agreement. He decided she was, considering the discrepancy of their actions (his being the worse, of course).

"I should check on Severus." Narcissa said with another proud lift of her chin.

Lucius nodded. "I spoke with him this morning, but I suspect he might be more receptive to a…feminine approach."

* * *

_Sev,_

_ James is his usual whiny, moping self. Honestly, if Lily ever saw him like this, she would dump him on the spot. Even James' parents are ready to wring his neck. Then again, I reckon they probably want to strangle him ninety-five percent of the time. I know I do. _

_ Sorry things are weird between Lucius and Narcissa. Narcissa is actually one of the few members of the Black family I don't hate, so I really do feel bad that her marriage is terrible. Although, she's also a favourite of Walburga's so that's a point against her. _

_ I miss you too. The offer's still good to come stay with me at the Potters'. No weirdness here, with the exception of James…but you don't like him anyway._

_ Love, Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_ Nice try, but you know I'd rather live with Hagrid than with the Potters. And things aren't terrible here. Just…dull, I guess. I have too much free time to dwell on everything. I love you._

_

* * *

_

_I could take your mind off things…_

_

* * *

_

Severus chuckled and found his mood exponentially improved already. It helped, thinking of Sirius behaving like his usual self, even when everything was as fucked up as it was right now. Lucius and Narcissa seemed to be a few days into some kind of reconciliation, but things were just awkward rather than better and Severus woke up in a cold sweat from his nightmares every night; but somewhere, being tormented by James Potter, Sirius was thinking about him.

Severus snorted. He sounded like a sentimental Hufflepuff. He remembered what he meant to write Sirius about in the first place, before he got distracted.

* * *

_Sirius,_

_ That would be nice…but I've got a different favour to ask. I think I want to visit my mum in St Mungo's and I thought maybe you might want to escape Potter for a day and meet me in London? _

_ Love, Sev_

_

* * *

_

_Of course. Just tell me when._

_

* * *

_

Narcissa knocked on Severus' partially open door and peeked into his bedroom.

"Severus?"

He was sitting on the window seat, a book in his lap. He looked up, "You can come in."

"How are you?" She asked, her face bearing the same concerned expression she wore every time she saw him now.

"I'm okay." Severus insisted. He'd gotten so used to saying it that it was starting to almost feel true. "I was thinking I would go visit my mum on Friday."

"Would you like me to come with you?" Narcissa offered.

"Oh…er…I asked Sirius if he wanted to meet me."

"Of course," Narcissa nodded and did not look the least bit offended. "That makes sense."

"Do you think Lucius will put up any argument?"

"That's actually why I came to speak to you." Narcissa said. "Lucius and I are leaving for Italy for two weeks on Friday. It's neutral territory. So Lucius doesn't even have to know, if you don't want him to. And of course you're welcome to have guests while we're away. It's a rather large house and we wouldn't want you to be lonely." Narcissa winked.

Severus' felt his heart leap about excitedly in his chest. Sirius coming to stay at Malfoy Manor was something obviously inconceivable if Lucius were around, but if the Malfoys were going on holiday and Narcissa was going to cover for him, then it was definitely in the realm of possibility.

"That would be…nice." It was a wholly inadequate adjective, but he was a Slytherin and appearing too excited would rather ruin his carefully maintained façade.

"Of course it would," Narcissa beamed, and it was the happiest she had looked in a long time.

"Thank you," Severus said earnestly, already composing the letter to Sirius in his head.

Narcissa waved her hand dismissively. "I promised I'd help the two of you and I shall. Lucius and I leave at lunchtime on Friday. Would you like me to tell the house elves to expect two for dinner Friday night?"

Severus nodded.

"Excellent. Everything's settled nicely then." She stood and pressed a rather motherly kiss to the top of Severus' head. "Sleep well."

"Good night, Narcissa. And thank you again."

* * *

_Sirius,_

_ I've got another invitation for you. Lucius and Narcissa are leaving Friday for Italy. How about we meet in London Friday morning and then you can come back here with me and stay while they're away?_

_ Love, Sev_

_

* * *

_

_Sev,_

_ Brilliant! James is off to stay with Lily on Saturday and I think he's gone nearly two weeks, so he won't even notice that I've scarpered off to stay with you. Friday morning outside St Mungo's then? (I suppose I ought to include that I've got a meeting with Healer Brennan then too. So while you're with your mum I'll be down in his office forced to talk about my mental health—or lack thereof.)_

_ Love, Sirius_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: A trillion apologies to all my lovely readers for the mammoth wait you've endured between Chapters 22 and 23. I was bogged down in exams and then packing up my flat for the summer and then flying home and starting my job and having a friend visit for a month, all mingled in with writer's block, so if the chapter seems a little jumbled, it's because I've been working on it over the span of three months. I literally finished writing it five minutes ago, and I wanted to update right away. Again, so very very sorry for the wait. **

**I don't deserve them, but I love reading your reviews. **


	24. Chapter 24

_**Twenty-Four**_

Severus had said his goodbyes to Narcissa and Lucius Thursday evening, so he could leave for the hospital first thing Friday morning. He knew he was being slightly overeager, and that he might end up waiting for Sirius for quite some time outside the St Mungo's entrance, but he didn't particularly care. He was excited to see Sirius and anxious to see his mother, so he may as well pace outside the hospital rather than in his bedroom at the manor.

Severus Flooed from his bedroom to the Leaky Cauldron and from there he walked to the empty department store window that was the entrance to the hospital. It was still early; just before the morning rush was due to begin, so the pavements and street were quite empty, which made it especially easy for Severus to see Sirius striding towards him. His heart leapt happily and he walked to meet Sirius. By some unspoken agreement, they stepped into a deserted alley by the hospital.

Severus flung his arms around Sirius' neck and captured his lips in a kiss. They stood kissing in the alley for what felt like hours, but was hopefully only a few minutes.

"Hello," Sirius said when they broke apart.

"Hello," Severus whispered back, burying his face in Sirius' neck and inhaling deeply.

"How are you?" Sirius asked cautiously.

"I'm going to be okay eventually." Severus said, telling the truth for the first time. "But I'm really happy to see you."

"Same here."

They stood together, their bodies flush against each other and their arms wrapped around one another. It hadn't been very long since they'd last seen each other, but it had been under such terrible circumstances that it had barely even counted.

"Ready?" Sirius asked.

Severus nodded reluctantly and stepped away from Sirius. Without hesitation, Sirius caught Severus' hand in his own and intertwined their fingers. The likelihood that two Hogwarts students would be recognised inside the hospital was quite slim.

They stepped through the glass and into the reception area. Visiting hours had only just begun, so the hospital was still quite quiet.

Severus stepped up to the reception desk, and Sirius released his hand.

"I'm here to see Eileen Snape…or maybe Eileen Prince…I'm not sure which."

"Are you family?" The young witch snapped her gum annoyingly.

Severus nodded. "I'm her son."

The witch flipped through a list in front of her. "Eileen Prince. Fourth floor, Spell Damage. Janus Thickey ward."

"Thanks."

Severus sent Sirius a look over his shoulder and headed for the stairs.

"How can I help you? Are you visiting someone?" The blonde witch was suddenly much friendlier now that it was Sirius in front of her. She leaned forward, smiled charmingly and stopped snapping her gum.

"Nope." Sirius said cheerfully. "I'm a mentally unstable patient of Healer Brennan's. I was hoping you could point me in the direction of his office."

The girl blinked rapidly a few times before stammering, "He's…umm…on the sixth floor. Mental Illness."

"Great. Thank you," Sirius grinned at her. She averted her eyes quickly and pretended to be fascinated with her patient list.

* * *

Healer Brennan was ready for Sirius, already sitting in one of his armchairs, a notepad on his lap and a quill in his hand.

"Good morning," Sirius greeted the Healer with a grin.

Cormac Brennan's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Good morning, Sirius. You seem to be in high spirits. Have you been taking your medication?"

Sirius snorted. "Typical. I can't be in a good mood without you thinking I'm manic."

Brennan only looked at him for a few moments, waiting for Sirius to answer the question.

"_Yes_, okay. I'm still on my meds. I'm still staying with James and his mum doesn't let me forget."

"Have you told James, then?"

"Yeah." Sirius nodded. "The other day. He asked why I kept coming here, so I told him."

"How did that go?"

"Fine. He didn't really understand it, but he didn't run screaming in the other direction either."

"You seem to be doing better than the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, well, the last time you saw me I'd just found out my boyfriend was getting beaten to a pulp by his father on a regular basis."

"And things are different?"

"Yeah. Severus' dad died. And I realise I'm supposed to feel bad about that because Severus is pretty messed up over it, but I can't bring myself to be sorry about it."

"That reaction is well within the boundaries of normal."

"Oh goody." Sirius smirked.

"It is not wrong to feel grateful that Severus is no longer in danger."

"What if I told you I killed his father? Would you feel the same way?"

"Did you?" Brennan looked as if he doubted Sirius would do this.

"No. I thought about it though."

"What stopped you?"

"Severus' mum got there first." Sirius shrugged.

"The truth this time."

Sirius sighed dramatically. "It would have hurt Severus. Not to mention I would have earned myself a one-way ticket to Azkaban." Sirius thought about this for a moment. "Would the dementors affect me more than normal people, since I'm already depressed?"

"I would suspect that your reaction to them would be stronger, yes. There are currently studies on the subject, but they are only in their early phases."

Sirius nodded. "I thought as much."

"Why don't we get to your real question?" Brennan suggested.

"How do you _do _that?" Sirius frowned. "How do you just _know_ when there's something I'm not saying?"

"Years of training."

"Okay." Sirius stared at his hands. "Am I ever going to be normal? Am I ever going to be able to stop taking the meds and not be afraid of going totally mental or wanting to off myself?"

"Are you having suicidal thoughts again?" Brennan asked sharply.

"No. It was just an example."

"I'm afraid I don't have an answer to your question. You might get to that point someday, you might not. Every patient is different."

"That's pretty much what I expected." Sirius said grimly.

"Is there a particular reason you asked?"

"I'm tired of being fucked up and seeing a shrink. It's not exactly normal." Sirius' tone was blunt.

"I don't believe normal even exists, Sirius. We're all fucked up, one way or another."

Sirius gaped at the healer for a moment, before grinning. "That might be the best thing you've ever said, Brennan."

* * *

After finishing up his appointment, Sirius wandered down to the fourth floor to find Severus. He found him outside the doors to the Janus Thickey ward, a grim expression on his face.

"How did it go?" Sirius asked.

"I couldn't go in." Severus admitted, shamefaced. "I stood here for the whole hour because I couldn't get up the courage to go in. I thought I was ready, but I'm just not."

"That's okay," Sirius pulled Severus into a hug.

"How was your appointment?" Severus asked, his voice muffled by Sirius' shoulder.

"Surprisingly good, actually."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's not like I'm suddenly healed or anything, but he said some things that made sense to me, which hasn't happened in a while."

"That's good."

"Definitely," Sirius agreed. "Do you wanna get out of here? My bike is parked around the corner. We can go somewhere."

"Anywhere," Severus agreed.

* * *

They ended up in Hyde Park. They stopped on the way to buy food and sat in the park and had a picnic. Normally, Severus might have felt quite silly sitting on the ground eating sandwiches from a café, but being with Sirius made all of that irrelevant.

Severus always marvelled that they had no shortage of things to say to one another. He was by no means a good conversationalist, but he never had any problems finding things to say to Sirius.

"Have you thought any more about what you want to do after Hogwarts?" Severus asked. They had both finished eating and were stretched out on the grass next to each other, staring up at the cloudless sky.

"I don't know what I want to do after _today_. After Hogwarts is pretty far into the future."

"Not that long. Less than a year."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Sirius groaned. "I have no desire to grow up and be an adult and have real responsibilities."

"Peter Pan syndrome." Severus grinned.

"What?" Sirius frowned.

Severus explained the story of the boy who never grew up.

"Yes, exactly." Sirius nodded. "I intend to be just like that."

"Don't you think that might become rather tiresome?"

"Nah," Sirius grinned. "When you're a kid, you can do anything. Or you think you can anyway. There are so many more rules the older you get."

Severus shrugged, "I don't know. My childhood was too miserable to want to stay a child forever."

"Well, so was mine, but I just don't want to grow up yet."

Severus smirked, "Caught between a rock and a hard place, then?"

"I am indeed." Sirius grinned. "And speaking of hard places…how do you feel about going back to Malfoy Manor now and you can give me an extensive tour of your bedroom?"

Severus snorted, "Did lines like that honestly work when the other person wasn't a sure thing?"

"I'm Sirius Black," Sirius tossed his fringe out of his eyes and winked, "They were all sure things."

* * *

In the end, they didn't end up heading directly to Severus' bedroom. Narcissa and Lucius had taken two house elves with them, but the third (the same dotty one who had helped sneak Sirius out the morning after Lucius and Narcissa's wedding) had been left behind to care for the house. Severus had learned only recently that Narcissa had brought Bitsy with her when she married Lucius, so the female elf had no loyalties to the Malfoy family, only to Narcissa.

Bitsy had fussed over them the second they arrived, sending Sirius' things up to Severus' room with a snap of her fingers, and ushering them into the kitchen, where there was an enormous spread of food laid out on the butcher-block table. Since guests weren't normally invited into the Malfoy kitchen and Lucius and Narcissa always ate in the dining room, Severus was rather surprised to discover it was a bright and comfortable room with tall windows and several different cooking and prep areas. Everything was low enough for the house elves to reach, although there was an oven and a sink and an island at the far end of the kitchen high enough for a human to use.

Sirius took a sandwich from one of the plates on the table and Severus did the same.

"These are really good. Thanks, Bitsy."

The house elf blushed and twisted her hands into her pillowcase. "Mrs Narcissa is telling Bitsy to look after Mr Severus and his friend. 'Anything they wants, Bitsy does', Mrs Narcissa says."

"Well, Sirius and I won't need too much. Just meals." Severus explained, hoping this meant the house elf would have a bit of a break while Lucius and Narcissa were on holiday. He knew Narcissa was kind to the elves, but Lucius wasn't always.

Bitsy curtsied, "Is the young men needing anything right now?"

"No, Bitsy. Thank you though."

The house elf nodded and disappeared with a snap of her fingers.

Without hesitation, Severus reached out and took Sirius' hand. He led him out of the kitchen, through the dining room, a sitting room and then out into the foyer again. They climbed the stairs and walked down the hallway until they reached Severus' bedroom.

Sirius looped his arms around Severus' waist and pulled him in for a kiss. Severus reached blindly for the doorknob and after a few tries he got the door open. They stumbled, kissing hungrily, into the room and Sirius kicked the door closed. They pulled apart, knowing it was faster to undress individually than to attempt to undress one another.

They stood stark naked for a moment, eyes roving across each other's bodies. Sirius' smile became predatory and he advanced on Severus, tackling the other boy to the bed with a playful growl. Severus laughed and Sirius joined in, a moment of utter happiness in the middle one of the worst summers either of them had ever had.

Sirius brought his lips to Severus', still grinning, and they both clung to the moment of light in all the darkness.

* * *

_Severus was running through unfamiliar hallways. He was panicked, his breath coming in short bursts and his thoughts a jumble of terror. What if Potter had been right? What if it wasn't a trick? What if the Dark Lord really had taken him? _

_ He heard the sounds of curses being fired and chose the nearest door. He burst into the room to the sound of Bellatrix's high-pitched, gleeful laugh. _

_ Sirius was falling, only he wasn't the Sirius Severus recognised. He was older, skinnier, his hair unkempt and his clothes too big. But he was falling, his face caught in a laugh as he passed through a fluttering veil. Someone was shouting Sirius' name, but it couldn't be Severus, because Severus was too out of breath to shout. He waited for Sirius to pop out from the other side and begin duelling again, but he knew deep down that this was a foolish hope. He knew from the way his entire world had just disappeared that Sirius was gone. Severus dropped to his knees, not caring who saw and heard Bellatrix's voice echoing through the cavernous room in a childish singsong: "I killed Sirius Black!"_

_

* * *

_

Severus woke with a scream and sat bolt upright in bed. He his legs were tangled in the sheets and he kicked them free. He scrambled in the bed to find Sirius. His boyfriend had been jolted awake by Severus' shout and he sat up, cautiously reaching out to touch Severus' shoulder. Severus flung himself into Sirius' arms and covered every available inch of Sirius' skin in kisses.

"It's okay, Sev." Sirius rubbed his back soothingly. "It was only a nightmare."

Severus clung to Sirius, his hands touching random parts of Sirius' body as if making sure he was real.

"Don't leave." Severus whimpered, still in a haze from his nightmare. "Please don't leave me."

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere." Sirius promised, not entirely sure what commitment he was agreeing to. He supposed it didn't matter. He had no plans to leave in the immediate future, and that was all Severus needed right now.

Even so, when Severus drifted back to sleep, he was plagued with nightmares of Bellatrix's high laugh and what had begun to sound like her personal threat to Severus: _I killed Sirius Black_.

* * *

**A/N: A little shorter than usual, but at least I didn't make you wait four months for it. ; )**

**Love it or hate it, review it. **


	25. Chapter 25

_**Twenty-Five**_

Severus and Sirius spent their time together in a sort of suspended animation. They didn't read the _Daily Prophet_ that was delivered every morning, Sirius didn't even read his letters from the Potters, and Severus ignored a few letters from Lucius (although he did read the postcard Narcissa sent from Venice). All in all, the world outside the walls of Malfoy Manor could have come to a crashing halt and neither Sirius nor Severus would have known or even cared. It was a small taste of what their life could be like, away from Hogwarts, without the threat of Voldemort's struggle for power. Sirius knew it was a long shot, but he couldn't help but hope Severus would change his mind about joining the Dark Lord's ranks.

They were sprawled out on the floor in the library; Severus had his nose buried in a thick Potions book and Sirius was pretending to read a Muggle spy novel. (He'd found a secret stash of them hidden behind some gruesome books on the Dark Arts and wondered which Malfoy was a closeted James Bond fan. He had his money on Lucius—it was so perfectly hypocritical.)

Sirius tossed his book aside after staring at the same sentence for fifteen minutes. Severus jerked out of his reading-stupor at the sound of the thick book thunking onto the carpet.

"What's wrong?" Severus frowned.

"Nothing," Sirius grinned. "I'm just more interested in you than James Bond."

Severus rolled his eyes. "_My_ book is fascinating, so you'll just have to deal with it."

"If you say so," Sirius shrugged.

Severus returned his attention to his book, but he found it impossible to concentrate on the many uses of boomslang skin when Sirius began nibbling on his earlobe. Severus pretended not to notice and flipped through the book to read up on the Polyjuice Potion. He had brewed it a few times before, but he was certain there was a way to make the preparation more efficient and the potion more potent, and he was determined to find it.

Sirius, on the other hand, was determined to distract him from reading at all. He lay as close to Severus as he could on the floor, his lips caressing whatever bit of Severus' pale skin he could find. His left hand slipped beneath Severus' shirt to explore the smooth planes of Severus' back while his right tried to tug the book out of Severus' hands.

"Oh, fine." Severus sighed dramatically, and he tossed his book down next to Sirius'. Severus rolled so they were nose to nose on the floor. His eyes roved Sirius' face. This close, he could see the very faint freckles that were sprinkled across the bridge of Sirius' nose and over his cheekbones. There was a small scar below Sirius' bottom lip, and he wondered how he never noticed it before.

"How did that happen?" He traced it lightly with his fingertip.

"Reg and I were playing together on the stairs. I was six and he was five. We were having a race and on our way up, I tripped. I hit my chin on the stair and I bit through my bottom lip."

Severus winced, "Ouch."

"I don't actually remember it hurting very much. There was a lot of blood though and Reg was screaming. Mum was convinced that he was the one who'd gotten hurt. It took her so long to calm him down that she completely forgot about it until the next day, when it had already started to heal."

Sirius' face darkened, remembering the neglect and Severus pressed a kiss to the scar. "Was it nice, having your brother to play with when you were little?"

"It was good when we were too young to notice that there was favouritism going on. But then we both realised that Reg was getting the attention and I wasn't, so he started to use it to his advantage while I started to resent him. We haven't been on good terms since before Hogwarts."

"I always wanted a sibling." Severus confessed. "It was selfish, of course, because no one should want anybody to have to go through what I did with my parents, but I thought it would make things better having a brother or a sister. But it's good that I never did. It would have been one more person for Dad to hurt, for Mum to feel guilty about, for me to have to protect."

Sirius closed the space between them, pressing his lips to Severus. Discussing their families always made him feel terrible. Severus kissed back eagerly, wanting to put the conversation behind them. Their tongues tangled together and Sirius brought his hands to Severus' face, cradling it gently. Severus wound his arms around Sirius' waist and rolled onto his back, pulling the taller boy on top of him.

"I love you," Sirius murmured against Severus' lips.

Severus squeezed him a little tighter, "I love you too."

* * *

Narcissa stood on the balcony of the villa Lucius had rented. It had a wonderful view of the harbour and the canal beneath them. She enjoyed watching the city waking for the morning. The gondolas began to pass beneath her in the canal; some of the gondoliers waved to her and called out greetings in Italian.

Lucius stepped out on the to the balcony and stood beside her. She had been surprised to discover how relaxed Lucius was on holiday. She had even begun to think of him as two separate people, Holiday Lucius and Home Lucius. Holiday Lucius didn't care if his appearance was less than perfect, or if his dinner arrived more than half an hour after he ordered it, or if he got lost in a strange city. Holiday Lucius didn't mind letting Narcissa take charge of their plans for every day. In fact, Holiday Lucius didn't particularly care if Narcissa made a plan at all, or if they just wandered the city aimlessly.

As much as she was enjoying spending time with Holiday Lucius, though, Narcissa didn't think he could ever be this man at home. Something about being head of the household put him on edge and his responsibilities as a Malfoy and a Pureblood put an enormous amount of pressure on him.

Lucius reached out and tentatively slipped his arm around his wife's waist. It had been slow, but he really did believe they had made _some_ progress since arriving in Venice.

A shooting pain shot through Narcissa's abdomen and she cried out. She doubled over, her arms wrapping around herself.

"Cissy," Lucius voice sounded panicked. "What's wrong?"

His question went unanswered as Narcissa's body slumped in a faint. He caught her and simultaneously turned on the spot.

* * *

It was a Wednesday morning and St Mungo's was quiet. Lucius had insisted his wife be given a private room, and for once Narcissa was pleased her husband was so demanding. She didn't want to have to share this pain with anyone else. Her mother had tried to visit, and her sister, but she had refused to see them. Lucius spent his days and his nights either pacing in the corridor outside her room or slumped in the armchair next to her bed.

She felt too young for this. She was only eighteen, still a child. How was it possible that she had already lost a baby? She hadn't even properly acknowledged that it was coming—sure she'd said the words and seen the signs, but it had not sunk in yet, it had not felt real. The Healers had said the baby hadn't been alive for some time before the miscarriage, as if that was supposed to make her feel better.

She felt empty and lost and guilty. It was her fault, she told herself, for not wanting it; her fault for fearing the impact of a child in her loveless—and at times hate-filled—marriage.

While Narcissa lay in bed, her back to Lucius, blaming herself, Lucius sat in the armchair, his eyes watching the shaking of his wife's shoulders as she cried and blamed himself. This was his punishment for forcing himself upon her and for hurting her irreparably. Monsters like him didn't deserve children.

Minutes or hours or days later—neither Lucius nor Narcissa could be sure how much time had passed exactly—Lucius crawled into the hospital bed behind his wife. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. They lay together, their individual guilt becoming mutual grief as they mourned what could have been.

* * *

Severus did not know Lucius and Narcissa had returned from Italy until Bitsy appeared in his room without warning. He and Sirius had just taken a shower and they were both only half dressed.

Bitsy wrung her hands in her Malfoy pillowcase. "My Mistress and her husband is returning today."

"What? They're coming home from Venice early?" Severus frowned, tugging a t-shirt over his head quickly. He didn't even notice that it was both Sirius' and inside out.

"Not Venice," Bisty shook her head violently, "St Mungo's. Mistress' baby died." Bitsy looked ready to burst into tears and Severus could understand why. This news was like getting punched in the stomach or having someone dump ice all over his insides. "When will they be back?"

"Half an hour." Bitsy said.

"Fuck," Sirius swore, beginning to collect his things from where they'd been scattered throughout the room.

"Thanks for warning us, Bitsy."

The house elf curtsied and disappeared again.

It took fifteen minutes for Sirius and Severus to pack Sirius' things. Both of them were too distracted to use magic.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked.

Severus nodded, "It's just a bit of a shock."

Sirius pulled Severus into a tight hug. Severus buried his face in Sirius' neck and looped his arms around Sirius' waist.

"I hate that you have to leave."

"I know. Me too."

"Someday, we'll have our own place somewhere out in the middle of nowhere where nobody will ever bother us or interrupt us."

Sirius couldn't say anything. He hated playing the 'someday' game with Severus, because Severus had a way of conveniently forgetting Voldemort and Lucius and James and Remus and Peter that Sirius was never quite capable of.

Instead, he tilted Severus' face up to his and kissed him and hoped it was enough for five weeks' worth of separation.

"You'd better turn your shirt right side out," Sirius tried to grin and failed miserably. "Or Lucius is going to know you've been fooling around with your secret boyfriend."

Severus didn't even bother trying to laugh at Sirius' feeble joke. He just pulled Sirius to him for another kiss, whispering his 'I love yous' against Sirius' lips. Although it kept happening, it never got any easier watching Sirius walk away from him.

* * *

Upon returning from the hospital, Lucius carried Narcissa into their bedroom and Severus didn't see either of them for a week and a half. When he was in a selfish mood, he would think that Sirius could have stayed and Lucius would have absolutely no idea. But then he would feel guilty for complaining about being separated from his boyfriend when Lucius and Narcissa's problems were so much bigger. He spent his time holed up in the library, writing Sirius and doing the summer schoolwork that he'd been putting off.

Narcissa lay cocooned in bed, Lucius curved protectively around her, the curtains pulled closed over the windows and the door to the corridor firmly shut.

Sometimes she and Lucius would whisper in the dark, sometimes they would cry, sometimes he would coax her into eating the food that the house elves brought, but they were always together. It was a consistency that had been missing before. She felt comforted by the knowledge that in the midst of all this chaos, Lucius was there, holding her and keeping her from slipping into some sort of abyss.

One time when she woke (she had no idea if it was morning or afternoon or evening), Lucius was still asleep. She lay next to him and studied his relaxed face. She admired the straight slope of his nose, the strength of his jaw, the fullness of his lips. He was beautiful but still masculine and she wondered how she'd never noticed before. She wondered also why she was noticing _now_ of all times. She wondered what it would be like to kiss him because she wanted to, not because she had to. What would it be like to make love to him because she wanted to, or would she ever really _want_ to at all? She thought about whether he would make a good father and whether they would ever find out for sure.

Lucius awoke suddenly, as if he felt her eyes on his face, and caught her looking.

"Do you need anything?" He whispered.

She shook her head. "No."

He nodded and surprised both of them by pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Narcissa's thoughts were still chasing each other in circles, and she knew there were things she wanted to say him, but she just didn't know _how_.

"Actually, I think I do need something."

"Okay," Lucius nodded.

"I need to try something."

Before she could lose her nerve, Narcissa closed the space between herself and her husband and pressed her lips to his. It began somewhat clumsily, as Narcissa wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, but Lucius returned his wife's kiss gently and tenderly. He was not entirely sure what she was looking for, but he was willing to give her whatever she needed.

When Narcissa pulled away, she snuggled closer to Lucius and pillowed her head on his chest, her eyelids drifting closed again. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. Lucius understood what forgiveness looked like.

* * *

_Sev,_

_ How are things there? _

_James just got back from visiting Lily. According to him, her parents are lovely and her sister is horrid. Does that sound right to you? _

_James has invited Remus and Peter to come stay before school starts again. Personally, I think he's just gotten bored with trying to bully me into playing Quidditch, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to seeing Moony and Wormtail. (For future reference, James is Prongs and I'm Padfoot. I'll give you a reward if you can put that clever brain of yours to work and figure out what they mean.) _

_I've had a letter from Walburga informing me that now I've run away and taken my newfound fortune with me, I can fund my own education from this point forward. I'm quite tempted to just keep my money and drop out of school. (Don't scowl at me like that—and don't pretend that you're not scowling right now either, I know you too well—you know I'm joking.)_

_I miss you._

_Love, Sirius_

Severus pulled out a sheet of parchment and inked his quill. He got halfway though writing Sirius' name when a loud crack startled him. He splotched ink on the parchment and turned quickly.

Bitsy was standing in the middle of his room, wringing her hands and looking incredibly nervous. Severus had learned that Narcissa's house elf was almost _always_ nervous, but this was the most anxious Severus had seen her.

"Bitsy? What's wrong?"

"There is a Lord Voldemort waiting in the drawing room. Master Lucius said he and Mistress Narcissa is not to be disturbed."

Severus took a gulp of air, "Right. Okay. I'll talk to him."

Bitsy nodded and Severus followed her down the stairs, his heart leaping into his throat.

Lord Voldemort was a tall middle-aged man with jet-black hair, threaded with streaks of silver. He had the appearance of someone who had once been handsome, but the aging process had clearly not been very kind to him. His skin was waxy and pale—paler even than Severus'—and his eyes were bloodshot, like someone who didn't ever get enough sleep. His smile was reptilian and his fingers, when they reached out to shake Severus' hand in greeting, were cold and long.

"Young Mr Snape," Lord Voldemort said, with a smile that didn't reach his dark eyes.

"Good afternoon, my lord," Severus greeted him with deference. "Lucius sends his apologies. He and Narcissa are both under the weather. They've been bedridden for a week now."

"How unfortunate," Lord Voldemort continued smiling falsely. "Please to give them my best wishes for a speedy recovery."

"I will do that," Severus said, taking a step backwards. "Would you like to sit down?"

"Oh, no. My visit shall be very brief. It is you, Severus, I wanted to speak to anyway."

"Oh?" Severus felt confusion and then apprehension.

"I was hoping you would be willing to keep up a correspondence with me over the upcoming school year. I _do_ so like to know how all my potential supporters are doing in their studies."

Severus felt a shiver go down his spine and hoped the other man did not notice. Lord Voldemort was asking _him_ to report on all the other future Death Eaters. The Slytherin in him could not help but preen at the honour of being singled out.

"I would be honoured to write you, my lord," Severus bowed his head respectfully.

"Oh, excellent," Voldemort smiled again, while his eyes narrowed to suspicious slits. "Young Regulus Black had such complimentary things to say about you."

Severus knew the Dark Lord was lying; Regulus wouldn't say anything complimentary about _anyone _(let alone Severus)if it might put him behind in Voldemort's favour. This was certainly some kind of test, and Severus just wished he could figure out what kind.

"That was surprisingly kind of Regulus," Severus said finally, with a smirk.

Lord Voldemort threw his head back and laughed. It was a high and chilling sound that set Severus' teeth on edge, but when he stopped and he looked at Severus again, his expression was slightly less terrifying. "You do amuse me, Severus. I look forward to your letters."

With that, the Dark Lord swept out of the drawing room. As soon as he was gone, Severus' knees gave out and he dropped onto the sofa, his heart racing and his stomach twisting into knots. What had he gotten himself into?

* * *

**A/N: Oooh, that Voldemort. He's about as much fun as Walburga. ; )**

**Just want to send out a thank you to all of my reviewers, and everybody that's been adding this story to your favourite lists. Every review really makes my day and I want to thank you all so much for the all the wonderful things you've said about this fic. I love writing it, and I'm so thrilled that there are people out there that are enjoying it so much. **

**Anyway, can't wait to see what you think about this one!**


	26. Chapter 26

_**Twenty-Six**_

Malfoy Manor was quiet. Not that it was ever _loud_, but there was a sort of emptiness to the silence that made Narcissa shiver. Every room had once been filled to the rafters with potential. A baby would have meant a fresh start and maybe a clean slate. There would have been crying and nighttime feedings and naptimes and absolute marvelling at the creation of a new human being. Her life would have had more of a purpose, been more fulfilled, she would have been happier. A baby would have been just _more_.

Instead, her grief was the proverbial albatross around her neck. Her entire body seemed to wilt with the effort of getting through each day. Her hair hung lank and limp, her face bore no expression, her eyes were flat and empty and her shoulders slumped. Lucius tried everything he could, but it was obvious that nothing but time was going to help.

Severus watched the grieving pair, his heart aching for them. He wanted to help, but he knew, like Lucius, that there was nothing to be done. The only good thing to come of this was Lucius and Narcissa's reconciliation, and even so, he worried once they both healed, things would go back to normal. His letters to Sirius were gloomy, and he could tell Sirius was worried. Sirius believed (rightly so) that the Malfoys' grief was contributing to Severus' own grief over his father's death. All in all, Malfoy Manor was possibly the least cheery place in the Wizarding World, at that particular moment in time.

* * *

When September 1st arrived, Severus suspected he'd be going to King's Cross on his own, since Lucius refused to be away from Narcissa for more than a few minutes at a time. It didn't bother Severus in the least—he was used to getting to the station by himself. Besides, he had passed his Apparation test in March, so he could Apparate directly onto the platform.

He double- and triple-checked his trunk to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything (Lucius had sent a house elf to get all of Severus' school books a few weeks previous) and shrunk it to fit into his pocket.

He knocked on the door to Narcissa's sitting room—they had progressed to spending nearly all day in bed to spending all day behind the closed door of the sitting room—and eased it open.

"I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm headed to the station."

"Oh, it's the first, isn't it?" Lucius said, feeling guilty for forgetting.

"Yes. Don't worry, I'm accustomed to getting there on my own."

Lucius stood and met Severus in the middle of the room. He pulled his surrogate brother into a tight hug. "Have a good term."

Severus hugged Narcissa next, very gently since she looked like she might break if he used too much force.

"Come stay with us at Christmas," Narcissa said, but it was a half-hearted offer.

"I'll let you know." Severus said nonchalantly. "It is my N.E.W.T. year, so I might have a lot of work over the holidays."

"You're always welcome here," Lucius said firmly, giving Severus' shoulder a squeeze.

"Thank you," Severus said, and he wasn't entirely sure what he was thanking Lucius for. It was more of a blanket statement, intended to cover everything Lucius had done for him over the years.

* * *

Platform 9 and ¾ was crowded and steamy, as per usual. Sirius' eyes scanned the crowd for Severus, but it was impossible to see anyone with all the bloody mist. He did, however, spot his mother hugging Reg and tearfully bidding him a goodbye. _That little shit_, thought Sirius angrily. He doubted he would ever quite get over the hurt Walburga's favouritism had caused him over the years.

He hugged Mrs Potter goodbye, shook Mr Potter's hand and followed James onto the train. They found Remus already hunched in a compartment, looking quite a bit worse for the wear.

"Rough summer, Moony?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

Remus nodded. "How was yours?"

"Absolute shite." Sirius told Remus about Alphard's death, while neglecting to mention that Alphard had actually been his father. He also severely misrepresented the amount of gold he now had sitting in a Gringotts vault, suggesting that he had gotten much less. Remus' family didn't have much money, and Sirius hardly wanted to flaunt it in his face. Plus, that much money suggested there was more to the story.

"I'm so sorry, Padfoot. But at least you got to spend the second half of the summer with James."

"True. Although I spent the whole time listening to him wax poetic about Evans." Sirius smirked.

"What else is new?" Remus smirked back.

"Oh, sod off," James snapped, but he was grinning.

Peter arrived next, looking as small and shifty as usual. They watched him struggle with his trunk for a few minutes before Remus took pity on him and helped him lift it onto the rack overhead.

"How was your summer, Wormy?" James grinned as the smaller boy collapsed, chest heaving, into the seat beside Remus.

"Not too bad." He began telling a story that none of them were listening to. Lily had arrived and she and James and Remus had begun a game of Exploding Snap while Sirius was on the lookout for Severus.

Sirius nearly leapt out of his seat when he spotted Severus, but managed to keep his cool.

"Go," Remus hissed. "Lily and I can distract them."

Sirius didn't hesitate. While Remus turned his full attention to Peter and began asking him questions about their summer Transfiguration assignment and Lily stuck her tongue down James' throat, Sirius slipped out of the compartment and followed Severus. He caught up to his boyfriend quickly and tapped him on the shoulder.

Severus wheeled around quickly, startled. "Sirius," he hissed, "What are you doing?"

He pulled Severus quickly into the boys' toilet and locked the door. Their lips collided clumsily as the train went around a curve. Sirius began pulling at Severus' clothes with little success. Their tongues tangled and Severus twisted his hands into Sirius' hair. Sirius ground his hips against Severus' and they both groaned loudly. Sirius fumbled with the button on Severus' trousers, but the other boy slapped his hands away.

"We're not doing this here." Severus whispered.

"We could," Sirius hissed in Severus' ear, before nibbling on his earlobe.

Severus sighed and rested his forehead on Sirius' shoulder. "We can't. Everyone in my compartment expected me back five minutes ago."

Sirius sighed heavily. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Unfortunately not. We're having top secret future Death Eater conversations." Severus smiled weakly but Sirius didn't laugh at his rather pathetic joke.

"I'd rather not know that, actually." Sirius said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Severus kissed Sirius once more, before unlocking the door and slipping out of the toilet. Sirius gave him a five minute head start, before heading back to his own compartment. When he returned, Remus was sitting alone.

"Where's everyone else?" Sirius frowned, dropping back into his seat.

"Oh, Lily and James snuck off to somewhere more private, I expect. Peter is apparently too hungry to wait for the food trolley to get to this end of the train, so he's gone off to look for it. How's Severus?"

Sirius only sighed heavily again.

"That well, eh?"

"He's fine, I suppose. I'm the one that has the problem, I guess. It's a bit of a mood killer when your boyfriend has to run off because he's got Death Eater things to do."

"I would imagine so. Have you tried to talk him out of it?"

"Yeah, and we broke up over it. Maybe I'm being stupid, but I'd rather not go there again."

Remus shrugged. "I don't think you're being stupid."

"Thanks, Moony."

They sat in silence for a while, just watching the countryside speed past. It was a comfortable silence between friends who know all of each other's secrets and still trust each other implicitly. Sometimes, Sirius trusted Remus more than he trusted James. James had grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth, pampered and loved by his parents, without any true grasp of hardship. He had a tendency to get in his own way, letting his ego and his prejudices get the better of him. Remus, on the other hand, had lived a life thus far filled with nothing but hardship and was still an unfailingly nice person. He had the right to complain and whine about how difficult his life was, and he never did. Instead, he had spent years listening while Peter moaned about whatever insignificant detail was bothering him, never snapped at James while he moped about Lily, and put up with Sirius' arrogant bullying nature for far longer than anyone would have expected of him. And despite all that, he was still their friend, still the person all of them would turn to when they needed a friendly ear and Remus' total lack of judgment. Sirius felt guilty then, because he knew the favour hadn't always been returned. Sure, they ran with Remus during the full moon, but Sirius couldn't remember a time when he'd actively tried to be the sort of friend to Remus that Remus had been to him. He wanted to say something, maybe even apologise, but he didn't know how to even begin to broach the subject.

* * *

Severus had absolutely no interest in the Sorting. He hardly cared to know any of the first years by name. This was his last year at Hogwarts, and he was ready to be done with school. He was tired of the petty House rivalries and the way everything was blown completely out of proportion. He no longer thought visits to Hogsmeade were a treat; he could have passed his N.E.W.T.s in his fifth year. He didn't care about Quidditch matches or the Halloween feast. The only thing Hogwarts had left to offer him was Sirius, and he suspected his boyfriend was equally uninterested in school. Then again, Sirius had always been uninterested in school.

Severus scanned the Great Hall, looking for Sirius. They Gryffindors sat on the opposite side of the hall, but he didn't have a difficult time finding Sirius. He was, as per usual, seated between Potter and Lupin, with Pettigrew leaning so far across the table to speak with him that his face was practically in the pudding.

There were a few first years sending this group of seventh year boys looks of awe, and there were a few third year girls eyeing Sirius and blushing if he even glanced in their direction. Sirius looked around casually, but as soon as their eyes met, he froze and nearly dropped his pumpkin juice. Anyone watching would have understood immediately. It was a wonder no one had discovered them yet, because cool, collected Sirius Black became as flustered as a first year with Severus' staring at him. Severus watched as Lupin elbowed him sharply in the ribs and Potter looked around, trying to spot the source of Sirius' odd behaviour.

Severus was both amused and worried at this turn of events. If Sirius weren't capable of acting normally, they would be in trouble. At the same time, he liked confirmation that his boyfriend didn't always have the upper hand in their relationship.

On a hunch, he headed for the Room of Requirement as soon as the feast was over. His hunch proved correct, because he wasn't sitting on the couch for five minutes when Sirius came barrelling through the door.

"Hello," Sirius said breathlessly.

"Did you run here?" Severus teased.

"Yes, actually. I had the worst time trying to shake off Peter."

Severus grinned and pulled Sirius down onto the couch with him. Sirius landed clumsily, but Severus didn't mind. They simultaneously adjusted to their favourite places: Sirius stretched out on the couch on his back, Severus stretched out on top of Sirius.

Sirius kissed Severus lightly a few times. "Love you."

"Love you too," Severus said, smiling. "Sorry about earlier."

"I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me."

Severus laughed and kissed Sirius again, more deeply this time. Their tongues danced together and their hands began to roam, as they re-familiarised themselves with each other.

"I'm so tired of being in school." Severus said suddenly.

"Welcome to my world," Sirius smirked.

"What do you think would happen if we just left?"

"Well, you'd get into trouble with Lucius and Voldie, probably. And I doubt anybody would care about me, except maybe Dumbledore since he's made me his personal project."

Severus frowned, "Is something wrong?"

"Why?"

"Well, I was expecting an answer more typical of Sirius Black. You know, a sort of glib, devil-may-care kind of answer."

"Sorry to disappoint." Sirius shrugged. "I'm not feeling particularly glib right now."

"Have you been taking your meds?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Severus." Sirius wrenched himself away. "This has _nothing_ do to with that."

"I'm sorry." Severus looked guilty. He pulled Sirius into his arms again. "What's wrong? I promise I won't jump to conclusions this time."

"It's nothing." Sirius lied.

"Sirius, you're a terrible liar."

"Fine…it's nothing new, I suppose. Just more of the same. I hate hiding, I hate Voldemort and I just feel like we're running out of time. Plus, the summer was fucking terrible."

"It was, wasn't it?" Severus agreed.

Sirius sighed. "Can we just not talk about it?"

"Okay." Severus agreed, even though _not_ talking seemed to be the source of most of their issues.

They lay together in the Room of Requirement, and Sirius couldn't help feeling miserable about the whole situation. Part of him felt like it wasn't worth it anymore, but most him was terrified at the thought of not being with Severus. He hated feeling so dependent on another person, because he knew that if they broke up it would be like Severus had walked away with half of his soul and most of his vital organs and probably some of his limbs too.

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**A/N: A little shorter than usual, but unfortunately I had to end on the depressing note. I promise to write something a little more cheerful soon.**

**Reviews are always appreciated! **

**Ooh and time for a shameless plug from me. If you're enjoying this Sirius/Severus experiment of mine, you should check out viscomica's ****A Fine Romance****. I'm beta reading for her, and I'm quite enjoying it. =D**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Just a warning to everybody, from this chapter forward, the rating for this fic has been increased to 'M'. Mostly violence and language related, but there will be some smuttier stuff too. Don't say I didn't warn you. ;-D**

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_**Twenty-Seven**_

Sirius absolutely could not stand Professor Slughorn. The fat, balding, Potions professor with his walrus moustache was overly friendly with his students, trying to be a mate rather than a professor. Sirius wasn't even being arrogant when he claimed that he caught old Sluggy giving him the eye across the Potions classroom. It wasn't a stretch of the imagination to believe that the man filling the longing to be young again by making friends with his students was also a pervert. And Sirius wasn't the only victim of his lustful gaze. Slughorn didn't discriminate by gender: his eyes found Lily's breasts just as quickly as they sought out Frank Longbottom's arse.

But upon walking into the N.E.W.T level classroom to discover that old Sluggy had assigned their seats, Sirius could have given Sluggy the blow job he knew the old pervert so desperately wanted. His name hovered in the air in the empty space next to Severus. Not only that, they were in the very back row of worktables. He made a big deal of rolling his eyes and stomping to his seat, dropping his bag heavily like he was put-out about his seating assignment, but of course he couldn't be happier.

"Snape," he said as snidely as he could manage.

"Black." Severus said coolly, not even looking up from the textbook he was skimming through. He was better at pretending than Sirius was.

Remus glanced over his shoulder at Sirius from his spot next to Frank at the table in front of them and grinned. Lily also looked amused from her place across the room, beside Harmony Greengrass.

Slughorn began his spiel about how this was going to be a challenging year and he expected all of them to put in the effort since N.E.W.T.s were so important blah blah blah. Sirius stopped paying attention around the time Severus' hand began stroking the inside of his thigh underneath their workbench. It took all of Sirius' energy not to bend Severus over the workbench and take him in front of the entire Potions classroom. Slughorn would certainly enjoy the show, but somehow he didn't think everyone else would appreciate it as much.

"I'm amazed at your restraint," Severus hissed in Sirius' ear, his voice a silky caress. Sirius visibly shuddered and wondered if Severus would go so far as to get him off during class.

It was not to be. Severus removed his hand from Sirius' lap when Slughorn gave them the instructions for the potion they were to brew today, leaving Sirius hot, bothered and already plotting his revenge.

"Don't think you're getting away with that, you tease," Sirius muttered to Severus when he left his seat to gather ingredients from the supply closet. He was eternally grateful for the looseness of his school robes.

Throughout class, while preparing their potion, Sirius touched Severus in so many casual ways: their fingers tangling when he passed him the perfectly powdered scarab beetle shells; his hand brushing over Severus' arse while the other boy leaned over their cauldron; his hip pressed against Severus' while he stirred; and, most daringly, his lips landing on the nape of Severus' neck when he returned from rinsing his knife at the sinks. The result, just as Sirius had hoped, was that Severus was as hot under the collar as he'd made Sirius by the end of the lesson.

When Slughorn dismissed them, the class bolted—everyone was hungry for lunch. Sirius wasn't ten feet down the corridor when he was dragged unceremoniously into a broom cupboard.

Severus lips crashed against his, and Sirius was reminded of their reunion on the train. He did not protest to being pushed roughly against the door, the weight of Severus' body pinning him there. He pulled Severus' robes off, dropping them on the ground. His hands found the button on Severus' grey school trousers and unfastened it. He lowered the zip and dropped to his knees, pulling Severus' trousers down with him. He freed Severus' hard cock from his boxes and the other boy groaned happily. He had to brace himself against the wall to keep from falling when Sirius took him into his mouth. Severus couldn't help thrusting deeper into the warmth of Sirius' mouth, both of them thankful that Sirius had no apparent gag reflex.

The things Sirius could do with his tongue were absolutely sinful, and Severus made keening noises that went straight to Sirius' cock. Sirius fumbled with his own trousers, reaching inside and stroking himself.

They came together, loudly and messily. Severus hauled Sirius to his feet and kissed the other boy sloppily, tasting himself in Sirius' mouth.

"Can we do this every Potions lesson?" Sirius smirked, before performing a cleaning charm on both of them.

"I don't know. Will it improve your attendance record?"

"Oh, definitely." Sirius said, and devoted himself to nibbling on Severus' collarbone. He knew the other boy would _not_ want a love bite on his neck, but Sirius couldn't help giving him one just out of sight.

"Wanna skip the rest of today?" Severus suggested, grinding his narrow hips against Sirius.

"God yes." Sirius groaned, letting his forehead to drop onto Severus' shoulder. "But preferably somewhere other than this broom cupboard. I think I've got bruises on my knees."

Severus laughed and Sirius grinned. "I'll meet you in the Room of Requirement in fifteen minutes then."

* * *

Sirius and Severus lay tangled in the navy blue sheets of the bed in the Room of Requirement. Sirius was on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. Severus was stretched out on his back beside him, his arms tucked under the pillow beneath his head.

Severus stared at Sirius without embarrassment, his eyes drinking in the muscles in his forearms and his biceps, the curve of his freckled shoulders, the smooth expanse of his bare back, to the perfect curve of his arse that was covered by the sheet.

"How many people do you think use this room for shagging?" Sirius smirked.

"For other people to use it, _we_ would have to leave it," Severus grinned.

"Well, I don't feel the least bit guilty over being selfish."

"Neither do I." Severus freed one of his arms and snaked it around Sirius' neck, tugging the other boy off balance. He toppled onto Severus' chest, their foreheads very nearly clunking together. Sirius kissed Severus gently.

"I love you," Sirius said against Severus' lips.

"Love you too." Severus said, running his hands down Sirius' body. Sirius squirmed when Severus' hands ghosted across his ribcage, his most ticklish spot.

They lay together quietly for a while, Sirius' head pillowed on Severus chest. He listened to the steady thump-thumping of Severus' heartbeat and he was nagged by something Healer Brennan had said to him at the beginning of the summer.

"Hey, Sev." Sirius said, his voice catching in his throat a little bit.

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you about something? It's sort of an assignment from Healer Brennan."

"Of course." Severus propped himself up against the headboard and Sirius sat cross-legged opposite him.

"I tried to kill myself."

He said it so matter-of-factly, for a moment Severus didn't believe he'd heard correctly. He just stared stupidly at Sirius, his mouth hanging agape.

"I don't understand." He said faintly.

"Fifth year was the worst year for my depression. I wasn't taking my meds because I was being stubborn and stupid. From September to December I was pretty consistently manic, but the crash happened when I was home for Christmas, shockingly enough. There wasn't much warning. I went to bed totally fine—or, well, not fine really since I was manic—and woke up the next morning and couldn't even get out of bed."

Severus looked so stricken, Sirius wondered if he shouldn't tell him the rest. But once he started he found he couldn't stop. It was cathartic, finally telling someone.

"The idea sort of started eating away at me that anything would be better than that, including dying. I was also convinced that nobody cared whether I lived or died. I dragged myself out of bed one night, and I went into the bathroom Reg and I share. Orion happened to get Reg a straight razor for Christmas that year, and I used it to slit my wrists. Reg heard me hit the floor when I passed out."

Severus made a strangled noise that Sirius realised was a sob. He pulled the smaller boy against his chest and stroked his back, "Ssh, ssh. It's okay. I'm fine now, right? I spent a week in St Mungo's and Brennan managed to get it through my head why I needed to be taking my meds. I promise I've never come that close to killing myself since then."

Severus clung to Sirius tightly. The idea of a world without Sirius was the most terrifying thing he could ever fathom, regardless of the fact that this had happened almost a year before they were together.

"Why did you tell me?" Severus said, lifting his face from Sirius' neck.

"Brennan suggested that I might need to get it off my chest. It's hard to keep secrets like that from the people you love, and you deserve to know everything about me, good and bad."

Severus sighed and dived back into Sirius' arms. They stretched out on the bed again, sharing the same pillow, their foreheads touching.

"Promise me something." Severus whispered.

"Okay." Sirius agreed.

"If you ever feel like that again, remember this right now, okay? Remember that _I'm_ here and I love you and I would miss you more than anything."

"Promise." Sirius said, his arms wrapping a little tighter around Severus.

"I have to tell you something and you aren't going to like it very much." Severus said reluctantly. He didn't _want_ to do this, but he couldn't very well keep it a secret after everything Sirius had said about keeping secrets from the people you loved.

Sirius eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Remember how Reg was corresponding with Voldemort last term?"

"Yeah," Sirius said darkly.

"Well…this term, I'm the one who's keeping tabs on everyone."

"Fuck." Sirius breathed. "Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck, Severus!"

"Five fucks? Really?" Severus smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

"This isn't funny, Snape," Sirius snapped. "It just means you're even deeper in his pocket than you were before."

Severus flinched at the use of his surname. "It's not all bad. We're safer now. If I'm the only one writing him, then he won't find out."

"Firstly, that's a pretty fucking big _if_. He's probably got all of you writing to him so he can pit you against each other and find out who's lying and who's not. Secondly, it just puts you in even more fucking danger when he finds out you've been lying directly to him." Sirius pulled away and rolled onto his back, scowling at the ceiling. "I wish you hadn't told me."

Severus groaned, "Sirius, if we keep pretending he doesn't exist, he's going to tear us apart. We've to got to be open about it."

"Open?" Sirius snarled. "You want _open_? Fine. Here's open. The thought of you joining Voldemort makes me so angry I want to take you by the shoulders and shake you until you realise how stupid you're being. You're too _good_ for that. And I'm fucking terrified that one day, however many months or years from now, I'm going to wake up and not recognise you anymore because you'll have turned into one of them. He'll poison every single thing I love about you. Not to mention he's not going to think twice about killing you when he finds out about us. I don't want that on my conscience, Severus."

Sirius' tone had gone quickly from angry to heartbroken, and Severus gathered his boyfriend in his arms.

"We're running out of time, Sev." Sirius whispered.

Severus didn't want to admit it, but he agreed with everything Sirius said. He was more terrified of Voldemort than he was in awe of him, but Sirius was right—he was in too deep now. He knew becoming a Death Eater was the biggest mistake of his life, and it hadn't even happened yet.

"We'd better make the most of it then," Severus said, running his hand over Sirius' bare chest.

Sirius caught Severus' hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the other boy's palm. "It pains me to say this, but sex isn't going to make me feel any better about this rubbish heap of a situation."

"Okay." Severus said, inching closer and curling himself around Sirius. "This is fine too."

* * *

Lord Voldemort was similar to Albus Dumbledore in that very few things slipped past him unnoticed. They both easily discovered the weaknesses and the strengths of nearly every person they encountered. The difference between Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore was that while Dumbledore played to the strengths of everyone around him, the man who had once been Tom Riddle exploited the weaknesses of his followers. He was a true Slytherin that way.

He stroked egos, provoked tempers, and fed vices, all in the name of manipulation. He might loan money to a gambler to keep that man in his debt. He had been known to buy women or drink for men who favoured either (or both, as the case often was). He had distracted and charmed a fair few overbearing wives, leaving their husbands eternally grateful.

The easiest to manipulate, of course, were the boys of Hogwarts. Those silly, bigheaded, self-important boys who thought they were men. There was Avery, who was a flobberworm of a boy that was going to need excessive training before he was of any particular use. He also had an unfortunate family member—a Squib brother. He did, however, have a talent for eavesdropping that Lord Voldemort intended to nurture. From Avery, he had learned of Horace Slughorn's fondness for his underage students (something Voldemort had always suspected—he _had_ been in the Slug Club, after all—but Avery only recently confirmed). Voldemort didn't yet know how he was going to _use_ that particular nugget of information, but no doubt he would find a way to turn it into a useful gold mine.

Mulciber was of more use than Avery already. Voldemort knew the boy would be skilled with the Imperius curse. However, he had an arrogance that was going to have to be curtailed before it could get the better of him.

Rosier was still only sixteen, but he was shaping up to be his father's son. The elder Rosier had one of the overbearing wives (and such a lovely woman she was too). Young Rosier was a little on the stupid side, but the stupid ones often made the most loyal followers, as they were too dumb to ask questions.

There were two Hogwarts boys that Voldemort was still figuring out. The first was Regulus Black. The younger of the Black sons was certainly an improvement on his brother—the older being a Gryffindor and a blood traitor. However, there was something about Regulus Black that Voldemort did not trust. With the exception of his brother, the boy had an exceptionally pure family tree that included Lestranges and Malfoys. However, there was something about the good-looking, cocksure boy that Voldemort didn't trust. He was extremely intelligent, and there was a chance he had a dash of his brother in him. Voldemort intended to keep a very close eye on Regulus Black, who had the potential to be either an exceptional success or a complete failure. Voldemort knew there would be no middle ground with young Regulus.

The last of Voldemort's Hogwarts Boys was Severus Snape. There were so many similarities between Snape and himself, it was startling. They both had mothers from good families who had turned their backs on Pureblood society for the company of worthless Muggle men. They had grown up with unsatisfactory childhoods, loved Hogwarts as a home, and were mightily ambitious. Severus Snape, however, lacked the confidence of Tom Marvolo Riddle, something the latter intended to exploit.

That Lucius Malfoy thought of Snape as a brother boded well; that Snape was fucking Sirius Black did not. While many just assumed that Lord Voldemort thought of homosexuals in the same way he thought of Muggles, they were incorrect. He enjoyed the company of men just as much as he enjoyed the company of women and would not begrudge young Snape his preferences. However, Severus' dalliance with a blood traitor—regardless of gender—was not acceptable. Unfortunately, Lord Voldemort had as of yet been unable to determine the extent of the relationship. If it were merely sex, it would not be difficult to convince Snape the error of his ways. If Severus had deluded himself into believing he loved Sirius Black, though, that was something Voldemort could _use_. Blackmail was a most effective tool, should young Snape ever be in need of…motivation.

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**A/N: Ooh, getting into Voldemort's head makes me feel a little creepy-crawly (but I kinda like it). Hope you all enjoyed this chapter that started out cheerful and nosedived pretty quickly into angst.**

**As always, I look forward to finding out what you think! **


	28. Chapter 28

_**Twenty-Eight**_

The first Quidditch match of the season was between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. If it were a match later in the season, it probably wouldn't be very well attended, but since it was the first and the whole student body was excited at the prospect of a bit of "friendly" competition, nearly everyone made their way down to the pitch to watch the match that morning after breakfast.

Sirius didn't attend Quidditch matches unless Gryffindor was playing (and that was only because James was his best mate and forced him to come) so no one thought twice about seeing him heading up the stairs rather than out onto the grounds. Sirius Black, everyone thought, was too _cool_ for Quidditch. Of course, more accurately, Sirius Black just wasn't very interested in sport.

When Sirius arrived in the Room of Requirement, he found Severus hunched over a table, scribbling furiously on a roll of parchment that hung off the opposite end of the table.

"Didn't see you at breakfast," Sirius said, dropping onto the battered sofa. Severus only made a noncommittal noise and continued writing. His brow was furrowed in concentration. Sirius thought he looked pale. Well, paler than usual.

"Sev?" Sirius asked softly. "What's wrong?"

"Sssh." Severus hissed in annoyance and Sirius' mouth fell open in surprise. He watched while Severus covered a few more inches of the parchment in his slanted scrawl. Then, the other boy dropped his quill, cracked his knuckles, stretched his arms above his head and began to roll up the impossibly long parchment.

Sirius looked more closely at Severus' face. There were dark circles under his eyes and his face was drawn.

"Have you been here all night?" Sirius asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Arithmancy essay." Severus shrugged. "Somebody's been taking up all my free time."

Sirius wasn't entirely convinced, but he couldn't argue when Severus looked so exhausted. Instead, he crossed the room, gathered the other boy in his arms, and brought him over to the bed, tucking him in like a child. "Get some sleep."

Sirius climbed into bed beside Severus and slipped his arms around his boyfriend's waist.

Severus relaxed against Sirius' body and was grateful Sirius hadn't questioned him further. He didn't think he had the energy to lie properly. Fear had been keeping him awake at night, so last night he had come up to the Room of Requirement. Originally, he'd just written down a list of everything that was worrying him, in hopes that it might get it off his chest, but instead he'd started coming up with contingency plans: plans for what he would do if Voldemort looked like was going to go even further off the deep end (escape to America or Australia), plans to keep Sirius safe (sending him to America or Australia, ending their relationship, putting him under the Fidelius Charm), plans for Spinner's End (sell, refurbish, burn to the ground), plans for his post-Hogwarts life with Sirius (if such a life were even possible, a nice cottage somewhere in the country). Somehow, all of this had put him at ease, but he didn't think Sirius would feel the same way.

Severus sighed and let himself drift asleep, albeit reluctantly. Sleep was no longer a comforting place, and hadn't been since the summer. He was haunted by nightmares, some new, but most recurring. He watched Bellatrix Lestrange kill Sirius over and over and over again in his nightmares and he was getting pretty fucking tired of it.

"Sev, relax." Sirius whispered before kissing the back of Severus' neck once. "You need sleep."

Severus rolled so he was facing Sirius and snuggled closer. "I've been having nightmares."

"Good thing it's daytime." Sirius said lightly, but his expression was concerned. "Want me to go steal some Dreamless Sleep potion from the hospital wing?"

"No. Just stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Narcissa stood at the window, looking out across the grounds of the Malfoy estate. Autumn had begun to touch the trees, the leaves turning from green to orangey-red. There was frost on the grass this morning, a sure sign that winter would arrive early this year. It had been almost a year since her wedding and it had been both the longest and the shortest year of her life. It was the first time she'd noticed it, but it would not be the last. When things between she and Lucius were amiable, days and weeks passed in the blink of an eye. When they were fighting, every second of every day crawled forward.

She remembered reading romance novels when she was thirteen or fourteen and hoping for a life as passionate and tumultuous as those of the heroines in her trashy novels. No one could say that her relationship with Lucius was not tumultuous, but she had been a sheltered, naïve child. She should have realised she didn't _want_ Bella's marriage or her parents' marriage, alternating between having knock-down-drag-out fights and being as lovey-dovey as newlyweds.

She liked her marriage the way it was _now_. Quiet, gentle and consistent. What scared her was knowing that it couldn't stay this way.

"Cissy," Lucius said quietly across their bedroom. "Are you all right?"

She turned away from the window and smiled weakly at him. "Yes."

"Come back to bed," he said, a small smirk on his lips, "it's so early."

Narcissa obliged, crawling between the sheets and snuggling against him. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and his hands began a slow exploration of her body. She jerked away.

"Lucius, I can't…"

She thought she saw a flicker of annoyance cross his face, but if it was there it was gone almost instantly. "Of course. I'm sorry," he murmured.

Narcissa rolled onto her other side, her back to him, and tried to fend off the misery that threatened to overtake her.

* * *

Remus, Sirius and James were huddled around their usual table in the library (or, more accurately, they were huddled around _Remus'_ usual table), working on their Charms homework. They weren't cheating, exactly, since Remus the goody-two-shoes would never let them cheat, but they were certainly helping each other out.

Sirius could see Severus in his peripheral vision. He was at a table alone, flipping through a thick book. James caught Sirius watching and grinned.

"Brilliant. Snivellus."

"Leave him alone." Remus said half-heartedly.

As per usual, James ignored him. He began to rise out of his seat, but Sirius caught him by his sleeve and yanked him back down.

"I'm with Remus on this one," Sirius said as casually as he could manage.

James scowled, "Got you on a pretty short leash, doesn't he, Padfoot?"

"What?" Sirius hissed.

"You and Moony are shagging, aren't you?" James taunted. It was obvious to Sirius that his best mate was in a foul mood (probably Lily-related) and wanted to take it out on someone.

Sirius smirked, "Jealous, Prongs?"

"You wish."

"C'mon, don't fight." Remus whispered.

"I'm not stupid you know." James scowled. "I know you're shagging someone."

"Of course I am. I'm _always_ shagging someone."

"You know what I mean. It's obvious you've got another boyfriend. I don't know why you're bothering to be so secretive. Everyone knows you're a poof."

"James!" Remus chastised.

"Oh, come off it Remus. He's hiding whoever this boyfriend is and lying to us. I don't know about you, but I don't _lie _to my best mates."

"You want the truth?" Sirius snarled, his mood suddenly as black as his surname.

"Yeah, I do." James said, his chin jutting up stubbornly.

"I'm in love with Severus. Have been for a year now. Since Dumbledore put us in detention together."

For a moment, James looked absolutely shell-shocked. Then, his face split into a wide grin. "Nice one, mate. But I said I wanted the _truth_."

"It is the truth. Ask your girlfriend if you don't believe me." Sirius gathered his things and shoved them back into his bag. He stood to leave and caught sight of Severus, who had clearly overheard. He was gaping at Sirius. Sirius only shrugged and walked out of the library. He didn't have to walk far. Severus caught up with him almost immediately and pulled him into an empty classroom.

"What. The. Fuck?" Severus breathed.

"I'm sick of lying. I'm not saying we have to tell the whole world, but I'm not lying to James anymore. And you did tell me I should, over the summer."

"I know I did. But aren't you worried?"

"It's only James. I can handle it and if I can't, Remus and Lily know too. I promise it will be okay."

"Okay," Severus nodded.

A slow grin spread across Sirius' face. "Wanna sneak off somewhere?"

"Can't," Severus said, "I've got a letter to write."

Sirius' face darkened, "Right. I'll see you later then."

He strode out of the classroom without another word, the door slamming behind him.

* * *

"I don't understand!" James bellowed. He was pacing the common room that he and Lily shared as Head Boy and Girl. Remus and Lily were sitting on the couch, waiting for James to work off some of his temper.

"He's my best mate and he's been lying to me for a year! And he's supposedly in love with _Snivellus_? What the fuck is up with that? They hate each other."

James dropped into an armchair, scowling. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and glared at Lily and Remus.

"Why didn't either of you tell me?" He demanded.

"It wasn't our secret to tell," Remus shrugged.

"Oh, thanks, Moony," James snarled. "I can see where your loyalties lie."

"Oh, grow up, James." Remus snapped. "It's not about picking sides. I don't give a fuck who Sirius dates and it shouldn't matter to you either." Remus got to his feet, "I've got work to do. Let me know when you've stopped being such a prat."

James stared at Remus in surprise, certain he'd never heard his shy friend speak so forcefully.

"Am I being a prat?" James asked Lily.

"A little," she nodded. "I understand that you're angry Sirius lied to you, but can't you see why he did? He knew you were going to react like this."

"That's not an excuse."

"Maybe not," Lily shrugged. "But I really think they're in love. And you can't choose who you fall in love with, right?"

Lily levelled him with a stare that clearly said _you'd better answer this one correctly_ so James nodded, "Right."

James found Sirius in the Gryffindor seventh year boys' dormitory. His best mate was sprawled in his typical Sirius Black-too-cool-for-school fashion.

"I don't know what you see in him." James said, sitting on Remus' bed.

"Good, because the last time I checked, he wasn't your type."

"He isn't anybody's type. He's Snivellus."

"I'm not asking you to understand it," Sirius scowled, "but I am asking you to respect it."

"It's a joke, right?" James asked hopefully. "A prank? The way to bring Snivellus down once and for all?"

"His name is Severus," Sirius said coldly. "And it's not a prank."

"I'm just confused, Padfoot."

"We're together. It's not a hard concept to understand."

"Isn't he a Death Eater in training?" James' expression twisted in disgust. He loathed anything to do with the Dark Arts.

"Yes and I hate that, but I love him."

"But _why_?"

"Sorry, Prongs, but I'm not going to rationalise my relationship for you. You wanted the truth and I gave it to you. I'd rather you didn't tell anyone else, because I don't want Lord Voldemort murdering my boyfriend, but I'm happy to Obliviate you if you can't keep your mouth shut."

James' expression hardened.

"Please, James," Sirius said, his eyes locking with his best friend's. "You know I would do something like this for you and Lily in a heartbeat."

"Fine." James said reluctantly, "But you owe me."

James got to his feet and walked towards the door.

"Hey, Prongs." Sirius called after him. "Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah." James said, before disappearing down the stairs.

Once he was gone, Sirius shoved his feet into his trainers and went off in search of Severus. Naturally, he didn't have to search very hard. His boyfriend was, as per usual, holed up in the Room of Requirement, surrounded by books and stacks of parchment.

"You're working too hard," Sirius pulled Severus out of the chair. "That wrinkle between your eyebrows is going to become permanent."

"Some of us are taking more than four classes," Severus protested, but he allowed Sirius to push his robes off his shoulders. Sirius kissed his neck, his hands deftly undoing Severus' tie and sliding it free from his collar. He captured Severus' lips with his own their tongues brushing against one another familiarly.

Sirius pushed Severus in the direction of the bed while pulling his shirt free from his trousers. He began unbuttoning from the bottom, while Severus started at the top, their hands meeting in the middle.

They progressed slowly, touching and kissing and sighing and holding and moving and _loving_ in a perfect rhythm that made them both want to shatter apart and cling together simultaneously.

They lay together, a tangle of limbs and sheets and Sirius felt like there was an elephant sitting on his chest. His fears were starting to get the better of him. He could see them in his peripheral vision, creeping alongside, waiting for him to get complacent before they would strike. He couldn't help wondering how many more of these moments he and Severus had left before they were torn apart. He was afraid of missing anything, of taking a single minute for granted, knowing the rug could be pulled out from underneath them at any moment. He could already feel the separation between Severus and him growing. It was happening already—there were times when he looked at his boyfriend and felt so utterly hopeless and helpless and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to take it.

And suddenly he was sobbing, the sort of sobs that shook his body and made it impossible to breathe. Severus asked him no questions, just gathered him into his arms and held him, stroking his hair and murmuring soothing things.

Sirius cried himself to sleep in his arms, and Severus was forced to acknowledge that maybe this was the beginning of the end. Sirius was coming apart at the seams, and it maybe it would be better to have a clean break now, before things got even worse.

But Severus wasn't a Slytherin for nothing. He wasn't selfless enough to break up with Sirius now.

* * *

**A/N: This was a rather choppy chapter. I wrote the last part months ago, the middle yesterday and the beginning today, so I apologise if it seems a little disjointed. It makes sense to **_**me**_**, but I have the advantage of knowing exactly what's going to happen. ;-D**

**As always, I can't wait to read your reviews. **


	29. Chapter 29

_**Twenty-Nine**_

Sirius lay sprawled across the bed in the Room of Requirement, while Severus sat hunched over the desk across the room, writing his monthly letter to Voldemort. Severus hadn't said so, of course—he'd claimed it was an Ancient Runes essay. But Sirius wasn't an idiot; Severus was behaving shiftily and there weren't nearly enough books on the table for him to be writing one of his essays.

"I think I'll go down to dinner," Sirius announced.

Severus only grunted in response, so Sirius doubted he'd actually listened.

"And I'll stay in Gryffindor tower tonight. Might make a bit of a difference to James."

"Whatever you need to do," Severus said absentmindedly.

Sirius heaved himself off the bed with a laboured sigh and walked out of the room without another word. He didn't exactly _slam_ the door, but he certainly closed it more sharply than necessary. He knew he was behaving like a child, but he couldn't help it. He told himself every time he saw Severus that he wasn't going to behave like a stroppy toddler and then something in him snapped.

They'd been seeing less and less of each other the further they got into term. Severus didn't seem to notice, but Sirius felt the growing distance between them more keenly than he cared to admit. He wasn't used to feeling this vulnerable and it was making him do stupid things. The other morning at breakfast he had practically reduced Peter to tears (not that it was particularly difficult to do, but Sirius generally tried to avoid making his friends cry). He tried to pick fights with Severus, but the other boy just wouldn't rise to the bait, which was more frustrating than the fact that they hadn't had sex (and barely even fooled around) in weeks.

Sirius entered the Great Hall just as dinner began and took his place at the Gryffindor table beside Remus. James, who was sitting opposite him, promptly turned and began a conversation with Lily. Remus shot Sirius a sympathetic look and shrugged.

Things with James had been awkward for weeks now, since Sirius told him about Severus. It wasn't as if he hadn't been expecting it, but it was beginning to grate on his nerves. His best mate was full of snide comments about Severus and Sirius wanted to shoot a few back about Lily, but he was rather attached to his teeth and didn't want James to knock them out. James probably deserved a good left hook, but Sirius didn't want to be the one to give it to him. Their friendship was already stretched thin and despite how frustrated he was with the other boy, he didn't want to destroy it beyond repair.

"Come up for air, I see, Sirius," Lily grinned, while James' expression soured. "No sign of your boyfriend though."

Sirius shrugged, "He's getting some work done."

James seemed to decide this was a sign of trouble between Sirius and Severus and perked up immediately. "Hogsmeade tomorrow, Padfoot. You in?"

Sirius considered. He could either lounge in the Room of Requirement, practically begging for scraps of Severus' attention, or he could spend the whole day in Hogsmeade listening to James verbally abuse his boyfriend. He wasn't sure which of those was the lesser evil.

"Why not?" He shrugged. Maybe spending the day with James would make things better.

"Did you hear about Harmony Greengrass?" James' voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

"No. What about her?" Sirius frowned.

"She went to Dumbledore yesterday saying that creep Evan Rosier raped her and now she's pregnant."

Lily whirled around from the conversation she was having with Alice Pierce, a blonde, round-faced girl who was absolutely in love with Frank Longbottom. (Frank was too oblivious to realise Alice was interested in him.)

"_James_," Lily hissed, her eyes flashing angrily, "You can't _tell_ people that. Dumbledore told you in confidence."

James shrugged, "She's knocked up. It's going to become pretty obvious, don't you think? Besides, I doubt it was rape anyway. Harmony will open her legs for anyone. Just ask Sirius."

The slap that Lily delivered to James' cheek snapped his head back on his neck and was loud enough to draw the attention of the entire Gryffindor table. James stared at Lily in surprise, his hand coming up to touch his face.

"Lily, c'mon, I didn't mean it." James said, but Lily was already on her feet and striding angrily out of the hall.

James shrugged as if to say, _women_, and returned his attention to the pudding. It took all of Sirius' energy not to reach across the table and smack James upside the head for being such an idiot. Somehow, though, he didn't think that was the best course of action if he was trying to salvage his crumbling relationship with his best friend.

The remainder of dinner was quiet, and although Peter made a few attempts at conversation, he was unsuccessful. The Marauders went their separate ways after dinner, James headed off after Lily to attempt to apologise, Remus disappeared into the library to work on an essay that probably wasn't due for at least a week, and Peter had detention. It was only once he had collapsed in his bed in Gryffindor tower that Sirius realised how long it had been since he'd actually slept in it. It was strange, trying to sleep without Severus curled next to him. He tossed and turned for most of the night, waking frequently. Every time he woke, his arms were reaching for Severus, only to come up empty.

* * *

The Room of Requirement was too quiet. Severus lay awake, wondering if he should go back to his bed in the Slytherin dormitory. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept there, though, and it wasn't as if his housemates ever welcomed him with open arms. He felt safer here, although without Sirius things just seemed worse. He had never intended to grow this attached to the Gryffindor boy and he was afraid of what it might do to him. Severus had spent his entire life knowing that self-sufficiency was the best method for survival. When you had only yourself to rely on, things were much less complicated and adding Sirius to the mix had complicated things far more than Severus had anticipated. Perhaps it had been naïve of him to think that they could both come through this relationship unscathed, because it almost didn't matter anymore what happened. They were both going to get hurt, regardless of the circumstances.

Severus flung one of the extra pillows across the room in frustration. He knew he was being petulant and stubborn to push Sirius away because he was afraid now, but Sirius was supposed to be able to see through all of that and just cling to him tighter so that Severus realised Voldemort wasn't going to separate them.

Except he couldn't expect Sirius to read his mind. And Voldemort _was_ going to separate them.

* * *

Conversation between James and Sirius on the walk down to Hogsmeade was stilted. At the last minute, Remus and Peter had "changed their minds", which Sirius figured meant either they didn't want to be around their two friends who could barely be civil to one another at the moment, or Remus had convinced Peter that Sirius and James needed an afternoon alone to patch things up. Knowing Remus, it was probably the latter, but Sirius had his doubts that there was anything he could say to James today that was going to change anything.

"Did you and Evans work things out last night?" Sirius asked.

James shrugged, "Dunno, really. We argue a lot, so I can't ever tell if we're just bickering because it's what we _do_ or if it's because she's actually mad at me. Girls are just sort of crazy, aren't they?"

"It's not like I ever tried to have a relationship with one." Sirius shook his head. "But I can tell you it's not any easier, dating a boy."

"Trouble in paradise?" James asked, and Sirius was surprised that he managed to ask without a hint of sarcasm.

Sirius shrugged, "Always."

"What does that mean?" James frowned. They walked through town and towards the Shrieking Shack.

"Sev and I have been pretty much doomed from the start," Sirius laughed hollowly. "And we're both starting to realise we're staring the end in the face and I don't think either of us is taking it well."

"I don't understand." James frowned. "If you love him, why do you think it's going to end?"

"Voldemort."

"Can't he...I dunno, give up on the dark side?"

"Too late." Sirius said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Voldie's had him for a year now. It's not…official yet, but there's no way he's getting out of it."

James frowned, "If you know that it's going nowhere and you're both sort of making each other miserable right now, then what's the point?"

"There isn't one. But I gave up caring about that a long time ago."

They stood, staring at the Shrieking Shack for a long time.

"You could have told me," James said quietly. "He and I have never gotten along, but if you'd said something…I would have backed off."

"I wanted to tell you." Sirius said. "But I kept chickening out."

Something dawned on James then. "Those times when you left this summer…you were going to see him."

"Yeah."

"So does my mum know, then?"

"Yeah. She wheedled it out of me. She's really good at that."

"I know."

"He had a really shit summer. Your mum even offered to take him in."

"That would have been…interesting." James said, a smirk on his face.

"You would have killed each other within two weeks." Sirius grinned. "And don't bother trying to deny it."

James grinned, "Enough touchy-feely crap. We should hit Zonko's."

* * *

James hunched over the map, his eyes seeking out Snape's name. Although it was after curfew, James found the dot labelled Severus Snape in the library. Grateful that the Head Boy and Girl's rooms were just opposite the library, James jumped to his feet and hurried out the door.

He found Severus sitting on one of the shelves in front of the windows, looking out at the lake.

"Snape," he said cautiously.

Severus whirled around to face him, his hand already going for his wand.

"I'm not going to hex you." James said. "You can put that away."

"What do you want, Potter?"

"I thought maybe we could talk."

"Talk?" Severus repeated, arching an eyebrow. "What do we have to talk about?"

"Sirius." James said, looking at Severus as if trying to figure out if he was being deliberately thick or not.

"What about him?"

"The two of you are being sort of stupid. He says you're in love and that you're going to have to break up eventually because of Voldemort."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for James to continue. James took it as a good sign that the Slytherin hadn't tried to hex him yet.

"I guess if I were in your shoes…I would want to spend as much time together as possible. Make the most of it, you know? Except it seems like you two are doing the opposite, because Sirius is miserable and you don't look much better."

"Why should I take advice from you?" Severus scowled.

"Look, you and I are never going to be mates. We just _don't _get along. But Sirius is practically my brother and he's your boyfriend, so he's really the only thing we have in common. And I'd rather him be happy than miserable, okay?" James' expression hardened, and he stuck his hand out reluctantly. "Truce?"

Severus shook the Gryffindor's hand. "Truce."

* * *

"You're here," Severus said unable to keep the surprise out of his voice when he found Sirius sprawled across the bed in the Room of Requirement.

"Couldn't sleep."

Severus toed out of his shoes and joined Sirius in bed. "I just talked to Potter."

Sirius twisted to look at Severus, his expression confused. "What do you mean?"

"He tracked me down in the library and asked if we could call a truce."

"Why?"

"Because in typical Potter fashion, he thinks he's our only problem."

Sirius shrugged. "A truce is a truce, I guess."

"We should break up." Severus said.

Sirius' eyes widened in a combination of shock and fear. "No."

"It makes sense, Sirius. I've been thinking about it for days now. There's this huge distance between us and I know it's only going to get bigger."

"_No_." Sirius shifted quickly from surprise to anger. "I'm not letting you do this. Not because you're afraid."

"I'm not afraid." Severus said, too quickly.

"You are. And it's not a reason to break up, because I'm fucking terrified too, but being apart isn't going to make that better. There's only one good reason to break up and that's if you don't love me anymore." Sirius said it like a challenge.

Never one to back down, Severus tried to force the lie out. He tried to tell Sirius that he didn't love him and he wanted to break up, but he couldn't get it past the lump in his throat.

"Thought so." Sirius said, slipping his arms around Severus' waist and pulling him closer. "I know that I'm being stupid, okay? I know that we're going to break up eventually and it's going to hurt less now than a year from now, but I can't do it. It's obvious that James thinks I'm insane for holding on this long, when you and I disagree on something so important, but my life is shit without you in it, so I'm going to keep holding on for as long as I possibly can. Understood?"

Severus didn't answer. Instead, he pressed his lips against Sirius', kissing his boyfriend desperately. It wasn't a nice kiss—all teeth and too much tongue, but Sirius didn't care. He rolled, pinning Severus to the bed and mouthing his way along Severus' jaw. He bit the sensitive skin on Severus' neck, his hands working on the buttons of Severus' shirt. He gave up halfway through and just yanked the shirt open, dragging his hands down the sides of Severus' torso. Severus pulled at Sirius' t-shirt, and Sirius sat up to drag it off over his head.

Sirius left a trail of open-mouthed kisses along Severus' scar, making the other boy shiver. Severus' hands tugged uselessly at the waistband of Sirius' trousers before grabbing his wand from the nightstand and muttering a disrobing charm. Sirius groaned at so much skin contact at once and rolled his hips, brushing their cocks together and making them both shudder.

"Want you," Severus said, his hand gripping Sirius' hipbone. "Now."

Sirius wasted no time. He whispered the necessary spells and thrust into Severus in a smooth movement. Severus wrapped his legs around Sirius' waist, but the other boy wasn't cooperating.

"Move," Severus intended to snap, but it came out in a breathy whisper.

Sirius grinned and captured Severus' lips again, their tongues tangling, and then he finally started to move, setting a pace that was just slow enough to drive Severus insane.

"Sirius," Severus whined. "_Please_."

Something about Severus' pleading broke something in Sirius and he began to fuck Severus in earnest, every one of his thrusts angled perfectly, making Severus see stars. He wrapped his hand around Severus' cock, and it only took a few strokes before Severus was coming, groaning Sirius' name. Sirius finished moments later and he collapsed on top of Severus, burying his face in the crook of Severus' neck.

One Severus' hands stroked the length of Sirius' spine lazily while the other tangled into his hair. "Love you," he said quietly.

"Love you too," Sirius murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of Severus' neck. "No more break up talk."

"Okay." Severus agreed.

Sirius shifted so he was more comfortably snuggled against Severus' side and reached to pull the covers up over them. "Sweet dreams, Sev."

"Night, Sirius."

That night, both of them slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

* * *

**A/N: Ack, the wait between chapters was much longer than I intended. School has been kicking my butt this semester and I keep getting distracted from this fic by another fandom entirely (ahem, Glee…raise your hands if you're obsessed too) but Part 1 of Deathly Hallows got me back on track. ;-D **

**Reviews are love. Can't wait to hear what you all think. **


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